I've fallen into a similar trap myself over the last few years. Very similar coping mechanisms to you despite being "employed", down to excessive travel (havin

I've fallen into a similar trap myself over the last few years. Very similar coping mechanisms to you despite being "employed", down to excessive travel (having driven something like 60 thousand miles in the last year despite living 10 miles from work) Employed is in quotations because I'm on my way to my 3rd company in 3 years this month, after my last two fired me for being unable to care in a sense (not showing up on time, low output). Partially due to my depression, but I feel partially due to what you describe struggling to get into applying yourself regularly after abusing those coping mechanisms to feel "something". It's a little horrifying because each time the transition to the next place is so quick I barely have to stabilize, so I feel like I'm careening towards a cliff. - The only thing I can say is different this time is therapeutic drugs, specifically Wellbutrin XL. I know you mentioned "just do drugs" responses coming across as a bit canned, so I've included my context. I don't know if it will really change things this time, but it has helped me feel more human. Made doing things from my job search to caring enough to maintain basic hygiene a little easier. It's a little easier to break out of my gaming ruts. There are downsides, sometimes when my depression gets the best of me, I feel like the accompanying anger is more destructive on this medication, like I'm more prone to do something reckless than before. But I feel like this is what will give me the foothold to move on, so if you're willing to try anything, maybe try going back to a psychiatrist (therapy is good but not for everyone I feel, you can get medications to help without therapy as a start)