When things are too complicated, break them down. In this case, even if your partner is saying that having kids is not optional to stay with them, consider bot

When things are too complicated, break them down. In this case, even if your partner is saying that having kids is not optional to stay with them, consider both situation separate: 1) do I want to stay with this person for a long time? 2) do I want to have kids? and 3) do I want to have kids with this person? Only you can answer it and I'm afraid it won't be as objective as you think it could be. Life happens, everything changes, and your decision could mean nothing in the long-term. Re: having a kid. Do you spend time around kids? If not, try to. See if you feel any joy in being around them (and remember when you're spending time with other people's kids, that 5% of the job, the other 95% happens when nobody is seeing). Try to get more information there. In the end, you have to learn to live with uncertainty. I think we'll struggle with that. EDIT: Re-reading your post, I think it's clear what choice you have already made. Don't be afraid to face the consequences, they might not be as hard as you think.