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> So for instance if you're Scandinavian you're expected to say you're happy. That implies that not only they are not that happy but they are systemically lyin

> So for instance if you're Scandinavian you're expected to say you're happy. That implies that not only they are not that happy but they are systemically lying for some reason. I find this scenario hard to believe. > How do we know that people are not just saying what is expected of them? I don't know much about statistics, but given a large enough sample size these folks probably an edge case. Source: gut feeling.

account73466 7y ago
>> That implies that not only they are not that happy but they are systemically lying for some reason. I find this scenario hard to believe. Hmm, I find it believable that people may systematically lie when asked at work whether they are happy with their personal life.
- tiborsaas 7y ago
  This is very different survey compared to when HR asks you the same questions. Even in workplace scenarios I wouldn't lie if my personal life were suffering from difficulties.
  - account73466 7y ago
    So you would be fine to share at work that your gf cheated on you and left for another dude and so you are a little bit destabilized/unhappy now? (it is just a hypothetical case)
    - tiborsaas 7y ago
      Why not? Maybe not all details, but at some people should be aware that it's not the job or co-worker relations that makes me look like shit. Actually I know a guy who had in a bar fight after a scenario you just described. He's still fine at his job.
      - account73466 7y ago
        >> Actually I know a guy who had in a bar fight after a scenario you just described. He's still fine at his job. It is not like you are going to be fired if you are a software engineer talking a bit about your life. However, "bringing you shit" and discussing it at work is not always welcomed especially in most competitive environments. I guess that people who worked in such environments know what I am talking about. As an example, have a look at what two other users reply above.
  - JamesBarney 7y ago
    I believe you might be in the minority at least in the u.s. Here most blue and white color workers don't feel comfortable sharing negative events in their personal life except under certain exceptions.(especially close work friends, in an informal setting)
    - tiborsaas 7y ago
      Yeah, I'm in Easter Europe. I had a 1:1 and shared it with my boss that I just had a break up with my GF so that's why my focus is not that sharp lately. He appreciated it and we moved on to other topics.
JamesBarney 7y ago
> That implies that not only they are not that happy but they are systemically lying for some reason. I find this scenario hard to believe. I don't at all. Everytime my boss or coworkers have asked how I'm doing I've always said great unless I had an amusing anecdote. Even if I'm having a fight with my wife, I'm experiencing anxiety, or I'm feeling depressed. I could totally imagine this social rule being broader and stronger in other countries.
MaxBarraclough 7y ago
>That implies that not only they are not that happy but they are systemically lying for some reason. I find this scenario hard to believe. I don't think this is outlandish. In Japanese there are words for true feelings vs reported, societally expected ones: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honne_and_tatemae https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honne_and_tatemae
- robocat 7y ago
  The concept is also deeply British "stiff upper lip" etc, although I am struggling to think of good words to describe the difference (the Wikipedia article uses "private mind" which is deeply unsatisfactory).

account73466 7y ago

>> That implies that not only they are not that happy but they are systemically lying for some reason. I find this scenario hard to believe. Hmm, I find it believable that people may systematically lie when asked at work whether they are happy with their personal life.

tiborsaas 7y ago
This is very different survey compared to when HR asks you the same questions. Even in workplace scenarios I wouldn't lie if my personal life were suffering from difficulties.
- account73466 7y ago
  So you would be fine to share at work that your gf cheated on you and left for another dude and so you are a little bit destabilized/unhappy now? (it is just a hypothetical case)
  - tiborsaas 7y ago
    Why not? Maybe not all details, but at some people should be aware that it's not the job or co-worker relations that makes me look like shit. Actually I know a guy who had in a bar fight after a scenario you just described. He's still fine at his job.
    - account73466 7y ago
      >> Actually I know a guy who had in a bar fight after a scenario you just described. He's still fine at his job. It is not like you are going to be fired if you are a software engineer talking a bit about your life. However, "bringing you shit" and discussing it at work is not always welcomed especially in most competitive environments. I guess that people who worked in such environments know what I am talking about. As an example, have a look at what two other users reply above.
- JamesBarney 7y ago
  I believe you might be in the minority at least in the u.s. Here most blue and white color workers don't feel comfortable sharing negative events in their personal life except under certain exceptions.(especially close work friends, in an informal setting)
  - tiborsaas 7y ago
    Yeah, I'm in Easter Europe. I had a 1:1 and shared it with my boss that I just had a break up with my GF so that's why my focus is not that sharp lately. He appreciated it and we moved on to other topics.

JamesBarney 7y ago

> That implies that not only they are not that happy but they are systemically lying for some reason. I find this scenario hard to believe. I don't at all. Everytime my boss or coworkers have asked how I'm doing I've always said great unless I had an amusing anecdote. Even if I'm having a fight with my wife, I'm experiencing anxiety, or I'm feeling depressed. I could totally imagine this social rule being broader and stronger in other countries.

MaxBarraclough 7y ago

>That implies that not only they are not that happy but they are systemically lying for some reason. I find this scenario hard to believe. I don't think this is outlandish. In Japanese there are words for true feelings vs reported, societally expected ones: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honne_and_tatemae https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honne_and_tatemae

robocat 7y ago
The concept is also deeply British "stiff upper lip" etc, although I am struggling to think of good words to describe the difference (the Wikipedia article uses "private mind" which is deeply unsatisfactory).