6 ms·

She was happy skipping travelling but not an indistinguishable rock on a ring? The marketing is too strong indeed.

1980phipsi 7y ago
It's the social factor. It takes a special kind of person to not only be happy with the cheaper thing but also to not let people know that it's cheaper. If I bought my wife a cheaper ring, I'd be telling everybody the deal I got. However, that is the opposite of the purpose here...
- wavefunction 7y ago
  It takes a special kind of person to be happy with a cheap thing they paid way too much for.
  - incongruity 7y ago
    As much as I want to applaud the wit here, the truth is that it really doesn’t - that phenomenon is quintessentially human. We (as a species) will go cognitive miles to avoid actually facing embarrassment or admitting to being fooled. Your thing might not be overpaying for a diamond and it’s unlikely you can see your own instance(s) but I’m sure you have seen it in others on the regular.
  - nyolfen 7y ago
    yes, but we love them all the same
    - papln 7y ago
      Honestly I think the diamond-ring culture is deeply unhealthy - it creates an artificial large resentment event right at the beginning of a commitment, that may destabilize the whole relationship.
      - hombre_fatal 7y ago
        I've seen threads on r/relationship_advice and r/TwoXChromosomes where women are desperately distraught over issues having to do with the ring their fiancé/husband bought them, it really does seem like unnecessary hardship. Though, as a man, figuring out your partner's expectations of rings and weddings (and family and children and ...) is part of the dating process. You really shouldn't be blindsided at the engagement phase. I'm reminded of a friend from high school who is got divorced after finding out his wife of two years didn't want and never wanted children. His defense was "it just never came up!"
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
bildung 7y ago
To be fair there is no objective value in travelling either. It's a matter of the specific personality profile that makes a person attracted to one or both or neither of those two modes of consumption.
- chris_overseas 7y ago
  Well there's evidence that spending money on experiences rather than material goods will make you happier: https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2013/01/feel-happier-talk-about-experiences-not-things https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2013/01/feel-happier-talk-a...
- throw0101a 7y ago
  > To be fair there is no objective value in travelling either. Except that the literature has shown that people generally find greater happiness using their money to buy experiences rather than things. From a researcher who wrote (the) book on happiness: > "Shifting from buying stuff to buying experiences, and from spending on yourself to spending on others, can have a dramatic impact on happiness," writes Dunn and her co-author Michael Norton. * https://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/happiness-is-buying-experience-not-stuff-29833931.html https://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/happiness-is-buying-exp... * https://dunn.psych.ubc.ca https://dunn.psych.ubc.ca * http://www.amazon.com/Happy-Money-Science-Happier-Spending/dp/1451665075 http://www.amazon.com/Happy-Money-Science-Happier-Spending/d... If, per Aristotle, happiness is the supreme good, it would objectively be better to spend your limited resources on things that are more likely to give it to you. * https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201301/aristotle-happiness https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201301/ar...
  - bildung 7y ago
    > Except that the literature has shown that people generally find greater happiness using their money to buy experiences rather than things. Yes, but a) travelling is not the only way to buy experiences by any means, b) Actually doing/ creating things or experiences is infinitely more rewarding than consumption[1]. Programming, making music, painting, woodworking, cooking, gardening, whatever tickles your fancy. All those studies still only are about buying. [1] for certain personalities.
klyrs 7y ago
One way I've seen engagement rings used is as an unspoken pre-prenup. He cheats, she bails and sells the ring. I say "unspoken" but I've heard men and women speak rather frankly about the exchange
- papln 7y ago
  The ring doesn't have enough resale value for that (and the breakup would spoil the sentimental value of keeping the gem). The incentive isn't compensation for her, it's sunk cost for him.
  - klyrs 7y ago
    Just reporting what I've heard. If he spends $20k and she sells it for $2k, it's still a $2k bonus to her.

1980phipsi 7y ago

It's the social factor. It takes a special kind of person to not only be happy with the cheaper thing but also to not let people know that it's cheaper. If I bought my wife a cheaper ring, I'd be telling everybody the deal I got. However, that is the opposite of the purpose here...

wavefunction 7y ago
It takes a special kind of person to be happy with a cheap thing they paid way too much for.
- incongruity 7y ago
  As much as I want to applaud the wit here, the truth is that it really doesn’t - that phenomenon is quintessentially human. We (as a species) will go cognitive miles to avoid actually facing embarrassment or admitting to being fooled. Your thing might not be overpaying for a diamond and it’s unlikely you can see your own instance(s) but I’m sure you have seen it in others on the regular.
- nyolfen 7y ago
  yes, but we love them all the same
  - papln 7y ago
    Honestly I think the diamond-ring culture is deeply unhealthy - it creates an artificial large resentment event right at the beginning of a commitment, that may destabilize the whole relationship.
    - hombre_fatal 7y ago
      I've seen threads on r/relationship_advice and r/TwoXChromosomes where women are desperately distraught over issues having to do with the ring their fiancé/husband bought them, it really does seem like unnecessary hardship. Though, as a man, figuring out your partner's expectations of rings and weddings (and family and children and ...) is part of the dating process. You really shouldn't be blindsided at the engagement phase. I'm reminded of a friend from high school who is got divorced after finding out his wife of two years didn't want and never wanted children. His defense was "it just never came up!"

deleted 7y ago

[deleted]

bildung 7y ago

To be fair there is no objective value in travelling either. It's a matter of the specific personality profile that makes a person attracted to one or both or neither of those two modes of consumption.

chris_overseas 7y ago
Well there's evidence that spending money on experiences rather than material goods will make you happier: https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2013/01/feel-happier-talk-about-experiences-not-things https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2013/01/feel-happier-talk-a...
throw0101a 7y ago
> To be fair there is no objective value in travelling either. Except that the literature has shown that people generally find greater happiness using their money to buy experiences rather than things. From a researcher who wrote (the) book on happiness: > "Shifting from buying stuff to buying experiences, and from spending on yourself to spending on others, can have a dramatic impact on happiness," writes Dunn and her co-author Michael Norton. * https://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/happiness-is-buying-experience-not-stuff-29833931.html https://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/happiness-is-buying-exp... * https://dunn.psych.ubc.ca https://dunn.psych.ubc.ca * http://www.amazon.com/Happy-Money-Science-Happier-Spending/dp/1451665075 http://www.amazon.com/Happy-Money-Science-Happier-Spending/d... If, per Aristotle, happiness is the supreme good, it would objectively be better to spend your limited resources on things that are more likely to give it to you. * https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201301/aristotle-happiness https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201301/ar...
- bildung 7y ago
  > Except that the literature has shown that people generally find greater happiness using their money to buy experiences rather than things. Yes, but a) travelling is not the only way to buy experiences by any means, b) Actually doing/ creating things or experiences is infinitely more rewarding than consumption[1]. Programming, making music, painting, woodworking, cooking, gardening, whatever tickles your fancy. All those studies still only are about buying. [1] for certain personalities.

klyrs 7y ago

One way I've seen engagement rings used is as an unspoken pre-prenup. He cheats, she bails and sells the ring. I say "unspoken" but I've heard men and women speak rather frankly about the exchange

papln 7y ago
The ring doesn't have enough resale value for that (and the breakup would spoil the sentimental value of keeping the gem). The incentive isn't compensation for her, it's sunk cost for him.
- klyrs 7y ago
  Just reporting what I've heard. If he spends $20k and she sells it for $2k, it's still a $2k bonus to her.