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I started a new job in January and although it was all right at first, it wasn't until long when my boss and I started being at odds with one another. As early

I started a new job in January and although it was all right at first, it wasn't until long when my boss and I started being at odds with one another. As early as three months in he said multiple times that I "should know how to X by know" and later on said that I "hadn't improved since I started." I dreaded going into work everyday, primarily because of him. I started looking for a new job six months in and I'm still looking. About a month ago I started working with a remote dev, and it's been like night and day. Not only is he incredibly patient with me, but we have a good rapport and I'm unafraid to ask him questions. While he does give me fair critiques (never harsh), he's also complimented my work which has been a huge bonus. This new arrangement's supposed to be temporary, and I'm hoping I can work under the remote dev full-time. I'm dreading the possibility that I may work under my original boss again. But for now, my mental health has improved ten-fold. My original boss still works in the same area as me, and although his presence still gives me some anxiety at least I don't have to converse with him.

lacampbell 7y ago
Criticisms often bother us when we suspect they might be true I find. Not at all saying that your boss was right, but a lot of people have 'imposter syndrome' so it can become a case of 'agh, my negative internal monologue has been confirmed by an outside source'. Is your boss just a bit of a dick that a lot of people dislike? If other people like your work it's probably way more about him than you.
- BlameKaneda 7y ago
  Contrary to what he thinks, I do believe I have improved since I began, albeit not to the level he wanted. The "should know X by now" quote has bothered me, though, where I have asked myself his question in my own head. For the most part he seems okay around others, but there have been a few times where I think people have picked up on his attitude.
  - lacampbell 7y ago
    Yeah sounds like it's his problem. Maybe he sucks at on-boarding, or maybe he's over-worked and it's easier to blame the underlings. Hope it doesn't mess with your head any more.
dijit 7y ago
I don't know you at all; so I'm going to give you a piece of advice that helped me when I was a young sysadmin, and I'm going to hope it applies. If you join an established company, in the beginning at the very least; that company has the responsibility to give you focus and training on the requisites. The only times this doesn't apply is when you are a senior, joining management, or creating a new team entirely. If you're an individual contributer for an established team, you should feel empowered to push back, because as long as you are attentive and put effort in; you can do no wrong. They hired you, for your skills, for your attitude, now it's up to them to facilitate your work if they want it. Never feel ashamed for not knowing something, for it is their responsibility to have given you that knowledge. Never feel ashamed of not having work to do, for it is their responsibility to feed it to you should you be able. The blame is never on the IC, unless they're not trying.
- ben509 7y ago
  I'll add to this from my experience in the Army because they really grok this concept. If my platoon sergeant overheard me telling a private, "you don't know X and Y," he'd dismiss that private, and he'd be demanding to know why I hadn't trained and mentored that soldier and what my plan was to fix the situation. A good supervisor may often start by giving you a broad or vague objective, "I'd like you to understand X and Y," but if you don't get there, your supervisor's responsibility is to figure out why and develop a plan of action. > ... that company has the responsibility to give you focus and training on the requisites. There are specific business reasons behind this: they need to maintain a team of people who are delivering enough value that the company can fulfill promises it makes to shareholders. > The blame is never on the IC, unless they're not trying. In the private sector, this is true, the IC won't get blamed. They'll get fired, and the supervisor will get blamed, but that doesn't help you much. To make it work, the junior IC needs to build confidence in his managers that he's able to produce at the team's level. And you can take action, probably as simply as saying, "let's make some kind of agreement here that has specific deliverables." To work out a plan, it helps to consider what they're looking for with stuff like "you should know how to X by now." Contrary to popular belief, technical work is not a meritocracy, it's a mediocracy. If you're much better than everyone else, you can't share your work, and if you're far behind, you're not able to contribute. Having a bunch of people on the same "level" enables throwing more bodies at a problem. > Never feel ashamed for not knowing something... I'll add another thing to not be ashamed about, which is not being good enough to stay on a team. Even if it's theoretically possible for anyone to learn anything, time and expertise in teaching are scarce, so "train person A" has to be compared to "replace with person B." Another military anecdote: I signed up as a cavalry scout, and learned to my dismay that I have no sense of direction. I managed to get by and finish my enlistment, but it was enough of an impediment that I'd never make rank. It may be fucking soul-crushing, but it's not shameful if you give it your best. Work out a plan to get yourself to where you need to be, but account for the fact that failure is always an option. Prepare to take ownership of it, to candidly reassess your strengths and weakness and be ready to drive on. And be glad you didn't sign up for a goddamned five year enlistment.

lacampbell 7y ago

Criticisms often bother us when we suspect they might be true I find. Not at all saying that your boss was right, but a lot of people have 'imposter syndrome' so it can become a case of 'agh, my negative internal monologue has been confirmed by an outside source'. Is your boss just a bit of a dick that a lot of people dislike? If other people like your work it's probably way more about him than you.

BlameKaneda 7y ago
Contrary to what he thinks, I do believe I have improved since I began, albeit not to the level he wanted. The "should know X by now" quote has bothered me, though, where I have asked myself his question in my own head. For the most part he seems okay around others, but there have been a few times where I think people have picked up on his attitude.
- lacampbell 7y ago
  Yeah sounds like it's his problem. Maybe he sucks at on-boarding, or maybe he's over-worked and it's easier to blame the underlings. Hope it doesn't mess with your head any more.

dijit 7y ago

I don't know you at all; so I'm going to give you a piece of advice that helped me when I was a young sysadmin, and I'm going to hope it applies. If you join an established company, in the beginning at the very least; that company has the responsibility to give you focus and training on the requisites. The only times this doesn't apply is when you are a senior, joining management, or creating a new team entirely. If you're an individual contributer for an established team, you should feel empowered to push back, because as long as you are attentive and put effort in; you can do no wrong. They hired you, for your skills, for your attitude, now it's up to them to facilitate your work if they want it. Never feel ashamed for not knowing something, for it is their responsibility to have given you that knowledge. Never feel ashamed of not having work to do, for it is their responsibility to feed it to you should you be able. The blame is never on the IC, unless they're not trying.

ben509 7y ago
I'll add to this from my experience in the Army because they really grok this concept. If my platoon sergeant overheard me telling a private, "you don't know X and Y," he'd dismiss that private, and he'd be demanding to know why I hadn't trained and mentored that soldier and what my plan was to fix the situation. A good supervisor may often start by giving you a broad or vague objective, "I'd like you to understand X and Y," but if you don't get there, your supervisor's responsibility is to figure out why and develop a plan of action. > ... that company has the responsibility to give you focus and training on the requisites. There are specific business reasons behind this: they need to maintain a team of people who are delivering enough value that the company can fulfill promises it makes to shareholders. > The blame is never on the IC, unless they're not trying. In the private sector, this is true, the IC won't get blamed. They'll get fired, and the supervisor will get blamed, but that doesn't help you much. To make it work, the junior IC needs to build confidence in his managers that he's able to produce at the team's level. And you can take action, probably as simply as saying, "let's make some kind of agreement here that has specific deliverables." To work out a plan, it helps to consider what they're looking for with stuff like "you should know how to X by now." Contrary to popular belief, technical work is not a meritocracy, it's a mediocracy. If you're much better than everyone else, you can't share your work, and if you're far behind, you're not able to contribute. Having a bunch of people on the same "level" enables throwing more bodies at a problem. > Never feel ashamed for not knowing something... I'll add another thing to not be ashamed about, which is not being good enough to stay on a team. Even if it's theoretically possible for anyone to learn anything, time and expertise in teaching are scarce, so "train person A" has to be compared to "replace with person B." Another military anecdote: I signed up as a cavalry scout, and learned to my dismay that I have no sense of direction. I managed to get by and finish my enlistment, but it was enough of an impediment that I'd never make rank. It may be fucking soul-crushing, but it's not shameful if you give it your best. Work out a plan to get yourself to where you need to be, but account for the fact that failure is always an option. Prepare to take ownership of it, to candidly reassess your strengths and weakness and be ready to drive on. And be glad you didn't sign up for a goddamned five year enlistment.