4 ms·

Honestly, pretty awful. I'm fresh out of college, making 155K in my first job, but I feel miserable because I can't sleep in NYC, the love of my life lives acro

Honestly, pretty awful. I'm fresh out of college, making 155K in my first job, but I feel miserable because I can't sleep in NYC, the love of my life lives across the country and I feel like we're growing apart, and because I work so much I no longer have any hobbies. I grew up poor and now I'm making more money than I ever imagined I could so I feel like I can't complain too much, but as soon as I hit the 1 year mark and am no longer obligated to pay back my signing/relocation bonus and fees associated with breaking my lease, I'm moving to be with my SO (if we make it to that point.) It's not worth it.

maerF0x0 7y ago
Classic tale. You've transcended your previous life and your old ways of seeing things are holding you back. This is the kind of internal resistance that keeps fat people fat, poor people poor, etc. It just doesnt "feel right" to be successful to them. Why is your SO not coming to you?
el_dev_hell 7y ago
I had the exact same situation as you out of university. Except my SO moved to the city with me. If we were separated, I would have either: a) Broke it off b) Moved c) Asked her to move in with me I'm so glad I didn't have to make that choice. It would have crippled my career (leaving the city). I hope it works out for you and the relationship is worth any possible career damage.
madhadron 7y ago
I spent two years of my life in NYC. I hope you already are using earplugs? If not, go down to the drugstore and buy the heaviest decibel rating you can find. Set some hard boundaries around work. It's a city where people overwork like it's a mark of virtue. Plus, since you're not planning to stay, you don't need to grind yourself to death to climb the corporate hierarchy. Make time to talk to your SO almost every day. When I lived half a world away, I called each morning during the week since her wakeup time was shortly before my bedtime. From coast to coast is a little more awkward, but finding such a time (afternoon commute for her, after dinner for you or the like) is a powerful ritual.
- jborichevskiy 7y ago
  Seconding the earplugs, also - blackout curtains and an eyemask. Wishing the parent poster the best of luck with everything.
cableshaft 7y ago
My first programming job I made a whopping $28k a year, back in 2006, in Chicago. That's $35k in today's dollars, and ~$55k taking the cost of living of NYC into account. Hell, you're currently making about what I do after 10+ years of experience even taking cost of living into account (of course I stupidly never left Chicago). Use that salary to leverage a better trajectory than I ever got. Assuming your love is on the west coast somewhere, you should be able to find something close to her that pays comparably well. Just do your best to stick it out and keep looking. A year really isn't that long. I've hated my current job for the past two years but I'm still here (well I desperately need to leave, but it has some perks, like working remotely, and it's hard to find a new job when you're planning a wedding, which thankfully is done now). Having that job on your resume will help you negotiate down the line.

maerF0x0 7y ago

Classic tale. You've transcended your previous life and your old ways of seeing things are holding you back. This is the kind of internal resistance that keeps fat people fat, poor people poor, etc. It just doesnt "feel right" to be successful to them. Why is your SO not coming to you?

el_dev_hell 7y ago

I had the exact same situation as you out of university. Except my SO moved to the city with me. If we were separated, I would have either: a) Broke it off b) Moved c) Asked her to move in with me I'm so glad I didn't have to make that choice. It would have crippled my career (leaving the city). I hope it works out for you and the relationship is worth any possible career damage.

madhadron 7y ago

I spent two years of my life in NYC. I hope you already are using earplugs? If not, go down to the drugstore and buy the heaviest decibel rating you can find. Set some hard boundaries around work. It's a city where people overwork like it's a mark of virtue. Plus, since you're not planning to stay, you don't need to grind yourself to death to climb the corporate hierarchy. Make time to talk to your SO almost every day. When I lived half a world away, I called each morning during the week since her wakeup time was shortly before my bedtime. From coast to coast is a little more awkward, but finding such a time (afternoon commute for her, after dinner for you or the like) is a powerful ritual.

jborichevskiy 7y ago
Seconding the earplugs, also - blackout curtains and an eyemask. Wishing the parent poster the best of luck with everything.

cableshaft 7y ago

My first programming job I made a whopping $28k a year, back in 2006, in Chicago. That's $35k in today's dollars, and ~$55k taking the cost of living of NYC into account. Hell, you're currently making about what I do after 10+ years of experience even taking cost of living into account (of course I stupidly never left Chicago). Use that salary to leverage a better trajectory than I ever got. Assuming your love is on the west coast somewhere, you should be able to find something close to her that pays comparably well. Just do your best to stick it out and keep looking. A year really isn't that long. I've hated my current job for the past two years but I'm still here (well I desperately need to leave, but it has some perks, like working remotely, and it's hard to find a new job when you're planning a wedding, which thankfully is done now). Having that job on your resume will help you negotiate down the line.