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The idea of leaving my SO alone like this is terrifying, but all the preparation in the world can't stop chance - I can only control so much. Life can be cruel

by mlacks 7y ago

The idea of leaving my SO alone like this is terrifying, but all the preparation in the world can't stop chance - I can only control so much. Life can be cruel sometimes

IfOnlyYouKnew 7y ago
One possibly effective strategy would be to invest the work into maintaining and building new friendships outside your relationship. People often stop socialising when they are in a relationship, or they leave all of the work that goes into it to their partner. So do a bit of that and, if necessary, encourage your your partner. It might also be possible to encourage friendships you brought into the relationship to grow to the point where they would work independent of you. Sometimes this obviously is an effect of having children and therefore not enough time. But, even then, giving it a higher priority should make it possible at least to maintain existing relationships over the decade or so children take the most time. I also know plenty of couples with children that value relationships and have found any number of ways to accommodate them, from changing jobs to cut down on commutes to getting multiple families together for activities they would usually just do with their children, etc. For the really adventurous, the it-takes-a-village approach to raising a child also seems to be making a comeback. Speaking of free love: It seems (if Hollywood is to be believed) that in the US, people sometimes frown upon their partner having any friends of the opposite gender. While it's possibly too much to ask for people to completely free themselves of jealousy, one should at the least not consider such a policy to be a small ask to make. That's especially true for friendships that started before the couple even knew each other.
- SyneRyder 7y ago
  >It seems (if Hollywood is to be believed) that in the US, people sometimes frown upon their partner having any friends of the opposite gender. I can't say I've got that impression from US movies, but watching the Chinese dating TV show "If You Are The One" (airs in primetime with subtitles in Australia), the women often ask the male candidates to give up all their female friendships as a condition of dating. (Occasionally the male contestants will make the same request.) Sometimes the women will allow female friendships if the male contestant agrees to regularly let them read/approve the phone messages they send to others. It's been an interesting show to watch from a cultural perspective.
- cafard 7y ago
  Some must frown upon it. I am on good terms with quite a few women--some from work, some from the neighborhood, some from other circles, and it doesn't appear to bother my wife. She has male college friends in the area, not that she sees them much, and that certainly doesn't bother me. But it strikes me that being in a committed relationship, married or not, removes a portion of one's life from conversation. It strikes me as awkward to speak in a much more than neutral tone about one's spouse. This really goes for conversations with the same sex as much as for conversations with the opposite sex.

by mlacks 7y ago

The idea of leaving my SO alone like this is terrifying, but all the preparation in the world can't stop chance - I can only control so much. Life can be cruel sometimes

IfOnlyYouKnew 7y ago

One possibly effective strategy would be to invest the work into maintaining and building new friendships outside your relationship. People often stop socialising when they are in a relationship, or they leave all of the work that goes into it to their partner. So do a bit of that and, if necessary, encourage your your partner. It might also be possible to encourage friendships you brought into the relationship to grow to the point where they would work independent of you. Sometimes this obviously is an effect of having children and therefore not enough time. But, even then, giving it a higher priority should make it possible at least to maintain existing relationships over the decade or so children take the most time. I also know plenty of couples with children that value relationships and have found any number of ways to accommodate them, from changing jobs to cut down on commutes to getting multiple families together for activities they would usually just do with their children, etc. For the really adventurous, the it-takes-a-village approach to raising a child also seems to be making a comeback. Speaking of free love: It seems (if Hollywood is to be believed) that in the US, people sometimes frown upon their partner having any friends of the opposite gender. While it's possibly too much to ask for people to completely free themselves of jealousy, one should at the least not consider such a policy to be a small ask to make. That's especially true for friendships that started before the couple even knew each other.

SyneRyder 7y ago
>It seems (if Hollywood is to be believed) that in the US, people sometimes frown upon their partner having any friends of the opposite gender. I can't say I've got that impression from US movies, but watching the Chinese dating TV show "If You Are The One" (airs in primetime with subtitles in Australia), the women often ask the male candidates to give up all their female friendships as a condition of dating. (Occasionally the male contestants will make the same request.) Sometimes the women will allow female friendships if the male contestant agrees to regularly let them read/approve the phone messages they send to others. It's been an interesting show to watch from a cultural perspective.
cafard 7y ago
Some must frown upon it. I am on good terms with quite a few women--some from work, some from the neighborhood, some from other circles, and it doesn't appear to bother my wife. She has male college friends in the area, not that she sees them much, and that certainly doesn't bother me. But it strikes me that being in a committed relationship, married or not, removes a portion of one's life from conversation. It strikes me as awkward to speak in a much more than neutral tone about one's spouse. This really goes for conversations with the same sex as much as for conversations with the opposite sex.