I would hope that my dock would be on whichever screen my mouse is, so I don't have to drag my mouse across a large monitor to get way over there to get to the

I would hope that my dock would be on whichever screen my mouse is, so I don't have to drag my mouse across a large monitor to get way over there to get to the trash. What you term "alien, obscure, and mind-bogglingly bizarre" is the only way I think should work.