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This kind of attitude towards children baffles me. It was always very clear where the authority lay in my family, and it certainly was not in my childish hands

This kind of attitude towards children baffles me. It was always very clear where the authority lay in my family, and it certainly was not in my childish hands. You did what you were told, and with not too much grumbling. It's a much more effective system, by all indications.

deleted 7y ago
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alanfranz 7y ago
How old were you? I think you're speaking about older children than what the author is implying in her article, and I was relating to her experience. When you've got a baby, or a toddler, you can't just leverage your authority and expect them to comply. It's a slow voyage. And, even when they comply, it may not be a victory; would the author feel better if his child actually used the bear costume? I suspect from the fact that you said "not my childish hands" that you're referring to your own childhood, and you're not a parent (yet). Maybe you should ask your parents about their feelings. Sometimes you expect parenthood to be hard, complex, tedious, but oddly satisfying. But it can be totally unsatisfying. Because it's about children, not about parents.
- olau 7y ago
  Agreed. The really satisfying part is when they do stuff on their own. Although getting a hug from time to time is a nice bonus. :)
shantly 7y ago
The scariest thing about being a parent is that the only thing that keeps your kids from wrecking your life and running everything is that they're too short-sighted and impatient to do it. They have a lot more power than they realize—fortunately, they don't realize it, and won't keep pushing when things get tough for them. ... so long as you keep pushing when things get tough for you. They'll cave. After a few times, it'll stick and the struggle will get easier. Unless you start caving too fast. Unless you can't handle frustration and deferring goals or altering plans. Then you're so very, very screwed.
noneeeed 7y ago
Something I've noticed is that some parents think that you can't be "firm" without being some strict victorian ogre of a parent. Even when they are little (perhaps especially) you can insist on things without being some monster. You can say no, and mean it, without being an awful person. One of your jobs as a parent is to teach them how to get on with other people, and part of that is realising that no, the world does not revolve entirely around them, and sometimes they can't get their own way.
EvanAnderson 7y ago
I didn't read that meaning that the child had authority at all. I read it more as "Things could happen in the child's life that directly affects the parents' lives." I was thinking about external factors, and health issues in particular.
mcphage 7y ago
> This kind of attitude towards children baffles me. It was always very clear where the authority lay in my family, and it certainly was not in my childish hands. The author here wasn’t talking about authority, she’s saying that the goal of parenting is ultimately to raise another human being. You can try to be the best parent you can be, but in the end, it’s not about you.

deleted 7y ago

[deleted]

alanfranz 7y ago

How old were you? I think you're speaking about older children than what the author is implying in her article, and I was relating to her experience. When you've got a baby, or a toddler, you can't just leverage your authority and expect them to comply. It's a slow voyage. And, even when they comply, it may not be a victory; would the author feel better if his child actually used the bear costume? I suspect from the fact that you said "not my childish hands" that you're referring to your own childhood, and you're not a parent (yet). Maybe you should ask your parents about their feelings. Sometimes you expect parenthood to be hard, complex, tedious, but oddly satisfying. But it can be totally unsatisfying. Because it's about children, not about parents.

olau 7y ago
Agreed. The really satisfying part is when they do stuff on their own. Although getting a hug from time to time is a nice bonus. :)

shantly 7y ago

The scariest thing about being a parent is that the only thing that keeps your kids from wrecking your life and running everything is that they're too short-sighted and impatient to do it. They have a lot more power than they realize—fortunately, they don't realize it, and won't keep pushing when things get tough for them. ... so long as you keep pushing when things get tough for you. They'll cave. After a few times, it'll stick and the struggle will get easier. Unless you start caving too fast. Unless you can't handle frustration and deferring goals or altering plans. Then you're so very, very screwed.

noneeeed 7y ago

Something I've noticed is that some parents think that you can't be "firm" without being some strict victorian ogre of a parent. Even when they are little (perhaps especially) you can insist on things without being some monster. You can say no, and mean it, without being an awful person. One of your jobs as a parent is to teach them how to get on with other people, and part of that is realising that no, the world does not revolve entirely around them, and sometimes they can't get their own way.

EvanAnderson 7y ago

I didn't read that meaning that the child had authority at all. I read it more as "Things could happen in the child's life that directly affects the parents' lives." I was thinking about external factors, and health issues in particular.

mcphage 7y ago

> This kind of attitude towards children baffles me. It was always very clear where the authority lay in my family, and it certainly was not in my childish hands. The author here wasn’t talking about authority, she’s saying that the goal of parenting is ultimately to raise another human being. You can try to be the best parent you can be, but in the end, it’s not about you.