6 ms·

One great excerpt: "Parenting is a hostage situation: you're in the car, but your child is the one driving it" I would have said "you're THE car, but your chi

One great excerpt: "Parenting is a hostage situation: you're in the car, but your child is the one driving it" I would have said "you're THE car, but your child is the one driving it" :-)

thrower123 7y ago
This kind of attitude towards children baffles me. It was always very clear where the authority lay in my family, and it certainly was not in my childish hands. You did what you were told, and with not too much grumbling. It's a much more effective system, by all indications.
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]
- alanfranz 7y ago
  How old were you? I think you're speaking about older children than what the author is implying in her article, and I was relating to her experience. When you've got a baby, or a toddler, you can't just leverage your authority and expect them to comply. It's a slow voyage. And, even when they comply, it may not be a victory; would the author feel better if his child actually used the bear costume? I suspect from the fact that you said "not my childish hands" that you're referring to your own childhood, and you're not a parent (yet). Maybe you should ask your parents about their feelings. Sometimes you expect parenthood to be hard, complex, tedious, but oddly satisfying. But it can be totally unsatisfying. Because it's about children, not about parents.
  - olau 7y ago
    Agreed. The really satisfying part is when they do stuff on their own. Although getting a hug from time to time is a nice bonus. :)
- shantly 7y ago
  The scariest thing about being a parent is that the only thing that keeps your kids from wrecking your life and running everything is that they're too short-sighted and impatient to do it. They have a lot more power than they realize—fortunately, they don't realize it, and won't keep pushing when things get tough for them. ... so long as you keep pushing when things get tough for you. They'll cave. After a few times, it'll stick and the struggle will get easier. Unless you start caving too fast. Unless you can't handle frustration and deferring goals or altering plans. Then you're so very, very screwed.
- noneeeed 7y ago
  Something I've noticed is that some parents think that you can't be "firm" without being some strict victorian ogre of a parent. Even when they are little (perhaps especially) you can insist on things without being some monster. You can say no, and mean it, without being an awful person. One of your jobs as a parent is to teach them how to get on with other people, and part of that is realising that no, the world does not revolve entirely around them, and sometimes they can't get their own way.
- EvanAnderson 7y ago
  I didn't read that meaning that the child had authority at all. I read it more as "Things could happen in the child's life that directly affects the parents' lives." I was thinking about external factors, and health issues in particular.
- mcphage 7y ago
  > This kind of attitude towards children baffles me. It was always very clear where the authority lay in my family, and it certainly was not in my childish hands. The author here wasn’t talking about authority, she’s saying that the goal of parenting is ultimately to raise another human being. You can try to be the best parent you can be, but in the end, it’s not about you.
bluetomcat 7y ago
> "you're THE car, but your child is the one driving it" There's a different perspective to that from the standpoint of a middle/upper or a working class family. In most working class families, time and money are scarce resources and it is the responsibility of parents to allocate them by prioritising the essentials. It is not an option for a father for example to spend more time with his child, when working on a weekend means being able to repair the car which is used for going to work, which guarantees the financial safety of the family. Affluent families buy time in many ways - by hiring ladies to do their cleaning, by letting their children attend various cultural, educational and sports activities, by having more automated homes, etc. It may work for the wealthy, but it can be detrimental to the integrity of paycheck-to-paycheck families.
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]

One great excerpt: "Parenting is a hostage situation: you're in the car, but your child is the one driving it" I would have said "you're THE car, but your child is the one driving it" :-)

thrower123 7y ago

This kind of attitude towards children baffles me. It was always very clear where the authority lay in my family, and it certainly was not in my childish hands. You did what you were told, and with not too much grumbling. It's a much more effective system, by all indications.

deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
alanfranz 7y ago
How old were you? I think you're speaking about older children than what the author is implying in her article, and I was relating to her experience. When you've got a baby, or a toddler, you can't just leverage your authority and expect them to comply. It's a slow voyage. And, even when they comply, it may not be a victory; would the author feel better if his child actually used the bear costume? I suspect from the fact that you said "not my childish hands" that you're referring to your own childhood, and you're not a parent (yet). Maybe you should ask your parents about their feelings. Sometimes you expect parenthood to be hard, complex, tedious, but oddly satisfying. But it can be totally unsatisfying. Because it's about children, not about parents.
- olau 7y ago
  Agreed. The really satisfying part is when they do stuff on their own. Although getting a hug from time to time is a nice bonus. :)
shantly 7y ago
The scariest thing about being a parent is that the only thing that keeps your kids from wrecking your life and running everything is that they're too short-sighted and impatient to do it. They have a lot more power than they realize—fortunately, they don't realize it, and won't keep pushing when things get tough for them. ... so long as you keep pushing when things get tough for you. They'll cave. After a few times, it'll stick and the struggle will get easier. Unless you start caving too fast. Unless you can't handle frustration and deferring goals or altering plans. Then you're so very, very screwed.
noneeeed 7y ago
Something I've noticed is that some parents think that you can't be "firm" without being some strict victorian ogre of a parent. Even when they are little (perhaps especially) you can insist on things without being some monster. You can say no, and mean it, without being an awful person. One of your jobs as a parent is to teach them how to get on with other people, and part of that is realising that no, the world does not revolve entirely around them, and sometimes they can't get their own way.
EvanAnderson 7y ago
I didn't read that meaning that the child had authority at all. I read it more as "Things could happen in the child's life that directly affects the parents' lives." I was thinking about external factors, and health issues in particular.
mcphage 7y ago
> This kind of attitude towards children baffles me. It was always very clear where the authority lay in my family, and it certainly was not in my childish hands. The author here wasn’t talking about authority, she’s saying that the goal of parenting is ultimately to raise another human being. You can try to be the best parent you can be, but in the end, it’s not about you.

bluetomcat 7y ago

> "you're THE car, but your child is the one driving it" There's a different perspective to that from the standpoint of a middle/upper or a working class family. In most working class families, time and money are scarce resources and it is the responsibility of parents to allocate them by prioritising the essentials. It is not an option for a father for example to spend more time with his child, when working on a weekend means being able to repair the car which is used for going to work, which guarantees the financial safety of the family. Affluent families buy time in many ways - by hiring ladies to do their cleaning, by letting their children attend various cultural, educational and sports activities, by having more automated homes, etc. It may work for the wealthy, but it can be detrimental to the integrity of paycheck-to-paycheck families.

deleted 7y ago

[deleted]