5 ms·

Asking my co-workers out to lunch

46 points by yitchelle 7y ago

chrisseaton 7y ago
Must be very expensive eating out every single lunch? Or maybe you can expense it as a meeting at the author’s company?
- daurnimator 7y ago
  If you bring your own lunch from home you can sit in a park or similar.
- hkmurakami 7y ago
  I mean you could go get a $8 sandwich at your local deli.
- dewey 7y ago
  Depends on where you are. At least here in Berlin there's always a special lunch pricing and it's certainly cheaper than cooking yourself most of the time. In our office we always go out for lunch every day. Mostly the whole team in one group.
- orisho 7y ago
  This is common in Israel where all but the largest companies (FAANG) give you lunch money instead of free food, so it's a matter of choosing between eating out or ordering in - the cost is the same. Facebook also lets engineers (and only engineers, oddly) eat out on Wednesdays.
  - deleted 7y ago
    [deleted]
  - vidanay 7y ago
    "Lets" ?? Since when is a company allowed to dictate where employees can eat?
    - chrisseaton 7y ago
      Taking a wild guess here - which you could have done - they probably mean they Facebook lets you expense it, rather than just lets you do it.
- dgellow 7y ago
  Depends where you live. You have lot of places in the world where eating out is as cheap or even cheaper than cooking for yourself.
- simonhfrost 7y ago
  Coffee is also an option (often free in some offices)
- BrandoElFollito 7y ago
  In France meals are subsidized and it costs me between 2.40 and 5-6 € per meal.
amayne 7y ago
I think the idea of spending one-on-one time at random is wonderful. It helps you break unconscious patterns and get to know people you otherwise might miss out on learning more about.
napolux 7y ago
I did this too in the past. The insights you can get are super valuable. But don't set a specific agenda. Let it flow, with a "rough" intro of what you want to achieve from these lunches.
seth_tr 7y ago
Google has an internal tool that pairs people for lunch for the same reason. It's fun to see what makes people excited on other teams or to run problems your team is facing by them.
- leadtech 7y ago
  Many companies know it is important to build tools like that. Google has been onto those things since 2006. :)
hycaria 7y ago
I cherish one on one encounters, especially with people you're accustomed with, but never really spent time getting to know. Although my favorites are done travelling, which works with a walk long enough too. Inevitably you're breaking the silence.
henrik_w 7y ago
I have a similar experience with sporting activities with people in the office. Every week at work we get together and play floorball ("innebandy" in Swedish). It's a mix of people from all departments, and invariably I end up talking to all of them (especially on the way back to the office). Apart from having fun playing sports, I now know various people in different departments. This is good in many ways, not least when you need something done and need to find somebody to talk to. Of course this only works with people that join the particular activity. Nevertheless, I've found this "random connections" very useful.
- passwd 7y ago
  This could be an interesting alternative. Any ideas for a sport that anyone could enjoy easily? I wouldn't expect most people having fun with a tennis match for example.
  - skinnymuch 7y ago
    I’ve known a few friends join community kickball groups in new cities they move to. The mix of people I’ve seen in photos and from their descriptions is definitely mostly younger ages, but spans most demographics within the younger age range.
  - cafard 7y ago
    Bowling? I never bowled much, but my son's friends (a group now thirty or just over) seemed to enjoy bowling together now and then. And volleyball and softball can be played at a variety of levels of skill.
gregoriol 7y ago
It's quite common for developers at least to not enjoy the interactions of a one-on-one time with a non direct relation (ie. someone you don't know well/don't have much in common subjects). So while this could be a good idea sometimes, don't "force" this on people who might not decline but also might not enjoy.
- Udo 7y ago
  I agree, and I would like to add that going out in small groups may work better for some people, because it takes off the pressure of having to "perform" or to make a "good impression" when people are not feeling up for it or when their minds are otherwise too occupied. Overall, I like the idea of making an effort to form social connections and to learn more about your colleagues and their work. Especially in an environment where most people are not completely consumed with deep work (which to be honest applies to most work places including mine right now) this could be one of the little things that keeps a company together as far as motivation and mood go.
- Kuraj 7y ago
  As a software developer, it strikes me as odd that this is something that doesn't somehow happen naturally. Where I work, a huge portion of employees eats out instead of bringing their own lunch, so around 12:00 we form into groups and go eat together. Due to various constraints a lot of the time these groups happen to be the size of 2. I love it because it's an opportunity to get to know your co-workers on a more personal level.
  - rinchik 7y ago
    It strikes me as odd that people like yourself don't really get developers. The only reason I'm out of the office is to shake off my tunnel vision and to try to solve one of the problems I'm working on by changing the environment. I'm out of the office for the refresher and not to blabber about your noisy children or your boring life. "Casual" lunches are super annoying and not productive. Yuck. Thanks god with seniority comes the power to turn people like yourself down without any consequences.
YesSureThing 7y ago
Don't do it one-on-one: you are exposing yourself to false harassment allegations. A single one can ruin your career.
- pnako 7y ago
  Only in the US.
- njsubedi 7y ago
  I understand the point that you are trying to make. But aren't false allegations equally possible otherwise?
  - topmonk 7y ago
    Not if you don't spend time alone with said person otherwise.
- passwd 7y ago
  You can have false allegations without having to go one-on-one with people just as well. That's the thing with the false claims.
- orisho 7y ago
  Not really. If you're particularly panicky and feel like you won't know where to draw the line (I feel like if you're asking someone for lunch because you don't really know them, the line is really obvious), then just avoid complimenting looks or clothing and touching. Really no way to go wrong if you avoid those. Also, if the person does not respond positively (and I don't mean they respond negatively, but if they say no for whatever reason), don't ask again. They now know you want to and will let you know when they're free, and once they do, even if you're the one whose busy, you'll know you're not bothering them. At least in Israel, lunch is regarded as inherently acceptable in a professional setting, since it's in the middle of the workday, even if you're eating out. Generally I'll only ask people to meet on their personal time if I feel like we know each other well enough and they like me back, otherwise it's an inconvenience -- asking for somebody's personal time is a big ask. With the opposite sex, I find it's really hard for a simple invite for dinner or beer to be misconstrued as an advance. It also helps that the vast majority of female engineers I know are in a relationship, so that makes my intent blatantly obvious.
njsubedi 7y ago
On a side note, the whole website looks pretty interesting to me.
simonhfrost 7y ago
I tentatively added the slack bot 'Donut' mentioned in my company because I was starting to see a divide between the two colocated offices. I was pleasantly surprised to see over 60% participation, and people personally thanked me for setting it up. Yet another reminder to me how important communication is!
leadtech 7y ago
We developed a cross platform solution called LEAD that connects people for lunch, coffee and speed mentoring too.(not just via random matching.) LEAD just graduated from Alchemist Accelerator recently. The bot can be download from https://slack.com/apps/ALBRU32RK-leadbot https://slack.com/apps/ALBRU32RK-leadbot Also, if your company doesn't use Slack, we have an email version for the matching.

46 points by yitchelle 7y ago

chrisseaton 7y ago

Must be very expensive eating out every single lunch? Or maybe you can expense it as a meeting at the author’s company?

daurnimator 7y ago
If you bring your own lunch from home you can sit in a park or similar.
hkmurakami 7y ago
I mean you could go get a $8 sandwich at your local deli.
dewey 7y ago
Depends on where you are. At least here in Berlin there's always a special lunch pricing and it's certainly cheaper than cooking yourself most of the time. In our office we always go out for lunch every day. Mostly the whole team in one group.
orisho 7y ago
This is common in Israel where all but the largest companies (FAANG) give you lunch money instead of free food, so it's a matter of choosing between eating out or ordering in - the cost is the same. Facebook also lets engineers (and only engineers, oddly) eat out on Wednesdays.
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]
- vidanay 7y ago
  "Lets" ?? Since when is a company allowed to dictate where employees can eat?
  - chrisseaton 7y ago
    Taking a wild guess here - which you could have done - they probably mean they Facebook lets you expense it, rather than just lets you do it.
dgellow 7y ago
Depends where you live. You have lot of places in the world where eating out is as cheap or even cheaper than cooking for yourself.
simonhfrost 7y ago
Coffee is also an option (often free in some offices)
BrandoElFollito 7y ago
In France meals are subsidized and it costs me between 2.40 and 5-6 € per meal.

amayne 7y ago

I think the idea of spending one-on-one time at random is wonderful. It helps you break unconscious patterns and get to know people you otherwise might miss out on learning more about.

napolux 7y ago

I did this too in the past. The insights you can get are super valuable. But don't set a specific agenda. Let it flow, with a "rough" intro of what you want to achieve from these lunches.

seth_tr 7y ago

Google has an internal tool that pairs people for lunch for the same reason. It's fun to see what makes people excited on other teams or to run problems your team is facing by them.

leadtech 7y ago
Many companies know it is important to build tools like that. Google has been onto those things since 2006. :)

hycaria 7y ago

I cherish one on one encounters, especially with people you're accustomed with, but never really spent time getting to know. Although my favorites are done travelling, which works with a walk long enough too. Inevitably you're breaking the silence.

henrik_w 7y ago

I have a similar experience with sporting activities with people in the office. Every week at work we get together and play floorball ("innebandy" in Swedish). It's a mix of people from all departments, and invariably I end up talking to all of them (especially on the way back to the office). Apart from having fun playing sports, I now know various people in different departments. This is good in many ways, not least when you need something done and need to find somebody to talk to. Of course this only works with people that join the particular activity. Nevertheless, I've found this "random connections" very useful.

passwd 7y ago
This could be an interesting alternative. Any ideas for a sport that anyone could enjoy easily? I wouldn't expect most people having fun with a tennis match for example.
- skinnymuch 7y ago
  I’ve known a few friends join community kickball groups in new cities they move to. The mix of people I’ve seen in photos and from their descriptions is definitely mostly younger ages, but spans most demographics within the younger age range.
- cafard 7y ago
  Bowling? I never bowled much, but my son's friends (a group now thirty or just over) seemed to enjoy bowling together now and then. And volleyball and softball can be played at a variety of levels of skill.

gregoriol 7y ago

It's quite common for developers at least to not enjoy the interactions of a one-on-one time with a non direct relation (ie. someone you don't know well/don't have much in common subjects). So while this could be a good idea sometimes, don't "force" this on people who might not decline but also might not enjoy.

Udo 7y ago
I agree, and I would like to add that going out in small groups may work better for some people, because it takes off the pressure of having to "perform" or to make a "good impression" when people are not feeling up for it or when their minds are otherwise too occupied. Overall, I like the idea of making an effort to form social connections and to learn more about your colleagues and their work. Especially in an environment where most people are not completely consumed with deep work (which to be honest applies to most work places including mine right now) this could be one of the little things that keeps a company together as far as motivation and mood go.
Kuraj 7y ago
As a software developer, it strikes me as odd that this is something that doesn't somehow happen naturally. Where I work, a huge portion of employees eats out instead of bringing their own lunch, so around 12:00 we form into groups and go eat together. Due to various constraints a lot of the time these groups happen to be the size of 2. I love it because it's an opportunity to get to know your co-workers on a more personal level.
- rinchik 7y ago
  It strikes me as odd that people like yourself don't really get developers. The only reason I'm out of the office is to shake off my tunnel vision and to try to solve one of the problems I'm working on by changing the environment. I'm out of the office for the refresher and not to blabber about your noisy children or your boring life. "Casual" lunches are super annoying and not productive. Yuck. Thanks god with seniority comes the power to turn people like yourself down without any consequences.

YesSureThing 7y ago

Don't do it one-on-one: you are exposing yourself to false harassment allegations. A single one can ruin your career.

pnako 7y ago
Only in the US.
njsubedi 7y ago
I understand the point that you are trying to make. But aren't false allegations equally possible otherwise?
- topmonk 7y ago
  Not if you don't spend time alone with said person otherwise.
passwd 7y ago
You can have false allegations without having to go one-on-one with people just as well. That's the thing with the false claims.
orisho 7y ago
Not really. If you're particularly panicky and feel like you won't know where to draw the line (I feel like if you're asking someone for lunch because you don't really know them, the line is really obvious), then just avoid complimenting looks or clothing and touching. Really no way to go wrong if you avoid those. Also, if the person does not respond positively (and I don't mean they respond negatively, but if they say no for whatever reason), don't ask again. They now know you want to and will let you know when they're free, and once they do, even if you're the one whose busy, you'll know you're not bothering them. At least in Israel, lunch is regarded as inherently acceptable in a professional setting, since it's in the middle of the workday, even if you're eating out. Generally I'll only ask people to meet on their personal time if I feel like we know each other well enough and they like me back, otherwise it's an inconvenience -- asking for somebody's personal time is a big ask. With the opposite sex, I find it's really hard for a simple invite for dinner or beer to be misconstrued as an advance. It also helps that the vast majority of female engineers I know are in a relationship, so that makes my intent blatantly obvious.

njsubedi 7y ago

On a side note, the whole website looks pretty interesting to me.

simonhfrost 7y ago

I tentatively added the slack bot 'Donut' mentioned in my company because I was starting to see a divide between the two colocated offices. I was pleasantly surprised to see over 60% participation, and people personally thanked me for setting it up. Yet another reminder to me how important communication is!

leadtech 7y ago

We developed a cross platform solution called LEAD that connects people for lunch, coffee and speed mentoring too.(not just via random matching.) LEAD just graduated from Alchemist Accelerator recently. The bot can be download from https://slack.com/apps/ALBRU32RK-leadbot https://slack.com/apps/ALBRU32RK-leadbot Also, if your company doesn't use Slack, we have an email version for the matching.