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We call these "I" messages and they show Emotional Responsibility for ourselves (and thus cause less friction and arguments). No one can "make" us feel anythin
by MattPerelstein 7y ago
We call these "I" messages and they show Emotional Responsibility for ourselves (and thus cause less friction and arguments). No one can "make" us feel anything emotionally, without our permission (physical, yes, but emotional, no). We make ourselves feel things... more specifically, our thoughts and meanings make us feel the way we feel.
The format is, "I felt __ when you __ because I thought/expected/believed __". Try it... it works well!
- Beltiras 7y agoThe flaw in that is the when you clause ends with something that usually is ambiguous or taken the wrong way can flare up an argument. I am a bit rusty in the theory since it's more than a decade since I took the course but the other form is what has done wonders for me. Me and the wife use NVC at least weekly to defuse situations.