3 ms·

But good communication can solve all those obstacles. Good communication can solve hundreds of years of deeply ingrained sexism in society? I mean...maybe. But

• josephg 7y ago
  Good communication can't solve sexism. But it can help a husband and wife support each other and work on the same team. "Hey honey. I'm really sick of writing these cards. I know you don't care, but if I don't write them your mum gets snippy with me for not sending her a card" "Well just don't send them and let her be snippy?" "I hate that, I feel judged by her for doing that. And I feel frustrated because she's your mom and this is somehow my problem. I'd appreciate some support with this." "I'm sorry you hear that way. I can tell you're really frustrated about this. I don't like writing cards any more than you do. I definitely don't want you to feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to do. But it sounds like my mom is giving you a hard time about it, and thats not fair because she's my mom, and its clear what she's doing is stressing you out. I'm going to talk to her about it. If she bothers you again after I talk to her, can you just ask her to come talk to me if she has a problem?" (etc discussion) "Thanks. I really appreciate feeling like we're a team" "Me too"
  • cortesoft 7y ago
    Yeah, but the wife already asked the husband for help, and he refused.
    • josephg 7y ago
      Did he refuse to help write cards, or refuse to help talk to his mother on her behalf? I wasn't clear above, and I don't think the original poster of that story was clear in her rant in the article either. Maybe she asked for help and meant that she wanted his support with his mother. But he thought she wanted him to write cards and refused to help on that basis. So now she's really mad at her husband over a simple misunderstanding. It sounds really silly, but this sort of thing is obnoxiously common in practice. And again, good communication skills really matter in these sort of situations.
      • watwut 7y ago
        You all are operating on the assumption that people listen to what one says, but while some do, many many don't. The "just talk with them" school of argument works in some situations, but requires listening. Especially when dealing with people who feel themselves entitled to something it does not work. In particular, old people are very unlikely to change their ways no matter how much you talk about it. Also, people who dont have same experience are way more likely to not care about issues they never lived through. Also, people for whom not understanding is more comfortable have easier time to not understand.
        • josephg 7y ago
          I’m operating on the assumption that the capacity to listen is a malleable skill, not a fixed trait. It’s certainly something I’ve improved in myself, through great effort and to great effect. I agree with you though - plenty of people apparently have no interest in learning to listen and communicate clearly. It’s a self reinforcing belief - if you believe yourself unable to change, you won’t. Still, it seems much more pragmatic to fight for communication skills, rather than hoping we can magic away gender differences and somehow hope that will make our relationships more healthy in turn. Spoilers: Gay couples still have stupid arguments.