Natural is not always better. Human behavior on average doesn't actually respond well to direct criticism. Our flight or fight responses kick in ("uggh fine" or

Natural is not always better. Human behavior on average doesn't actually respond well to direct criticism. Our flight or fight responses kick in ("uggh fine" or deflecting) and cause us to handle the situation in suboptimal ways. This is probably not a great example as it feels more like a parenting example, but even in parenting, a lot of parenting material suggests that "commands" (pick up your socks) often leads to the opposite behavior where as stating your feelings helps the child learn feel empathy for you, and make the decision themselves to respect you or not. In work situations, imagine telling a coworker that you find their desk messy. Are you just going to say "clean up your desk"? No, because you cant control them. Are you going to say "you have a messy desk" or "you are a slob" no, because they take that as accusatory. Accusing is like saying "its about me not you". While this NVC framework may feel disingenuous, its actually significantly more empathic than just being direct because it forces a conversation where you can find mutual purpose. (How is this a win win?) A direct statement is actually a lie you tell yourself where you are assuming a lot and not allowing a process of changing your own mind. So being direct is actually succumbing to your own biases.