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I have a stepson who is bright like I sure many of us where. I try never to reward results directly, only effort. If the results are reward for effort then th

I have a stepson who is bright like I sure many of us where. I try never to reward results directly, only effort. If the results are reward for effort then they are earns. It too me a decade to undo the damage from always been told I was bright and never learning good habits for studying/persistence. It’s just damn lucky that I enjoyed programming enough that I stuck with it and it became a career because otherwise I’d be earning a lot less.

rglullis 7y ago
> If the results are reward for effort then they are earns. Too much of that "focus on the effort" and you end up with a generation of bureaucrats - people that are good at miming processes and posturing but not capable of producing anything of actual value. Society doesn't care about the efforts, it cares about results. No matter how much neurosurgery you studied, if a patient dies at your table no family member will reward you for your "effort". > It too me a decade to undo the damage from always been told I was bright and never learning good habits for studying/persistence. The issue is not then about being result-vs-effort focus. The issue here is that unfortunately you didn't get people to push you for your best and to get out of your comfort zone.
- jddj 7y ago
  > Too much of that "focus on the effort" and you end up with a generation of bureaucrats The best things in life typically reward effort spent with incremental results, which come with their own dopamine rush. It's something I wish I had been made to understand at a much earlier age. Here's a short list: - Cooking - Playing an instrument - Singing - Painting - Drawing - Writing - Learning (..a language, a new skill, etc) - Developing and maintaining valuable social and romantic relationships into adulthood - Any and all sports - Crafting - Raising children The goal obviously isn't to maximize effort, it's simply to reinforce the link between effort and results and help the child understand that they can coast off their natural abilities (as we all have/do), but if they want to improve or excel in something that they enjoy then it will take real effort.
  - rglullis 7y ago
    I don't want us to talk past one another. My only issue with parent's post is that "focusing on the effort as its own reward" is going too much to the other extreme. "Rewarding for the effort" seems to me just as misguided as "praising for being smart", that's all.
    - silveroriole 7y ago
      I don’t see much wrong with rewarding for outcome. That’s how adults seem to work - your boss praises you for getting stuff done, not for being bright or putting effort in. You have to avoid the trap of only praising for PERFECT outcome, rather than incremental steps towards perfection, but I know I feel best being praised for a tangible thing I achieved rather than intangible intelligence or effort. (Well, some bosses try to praise for effort but I’ve always found it to be really patronising or a barely-disguised attempt to get you to work overtime.)

rglullis 7y ago

> If the results are reward for effort then they are earns. Too much of that "focus on the effort" and you end up with a generation of bureaucrats - people that are good at miming processes and posturing but not capable of producing anything of actual value. Society doesn't care about the efforts, it cares about results. No matter how much neurosurgery you studied, if a patient dies at your table no family member will reward you for your "effort". > It too me a decade to undo the damage from always been told I was bright and never learning good habits for studying/persistence. The issue is not then about being result-vs-effort focus. The issue here is that unfortunately you didn't get people to push you for your best and to get out of your comfort zone.

jddj 7y ago
> Too much of that "focus on the effort" and you end up with a generation of bureaucrats The best things in life typically reward effort spent with incremental results, which come with their own dopamine rush. It's something I wish I had been made to understand at a much earlier age. Here's a short list: - Cooking - Playing an instrument - Singing - Painting - Drawing - Writing - Learning (..a language, a new skill, etc) - Developing and maintaining valuable social and romantic relationships into adulthood - Any and all sports - Crafting - Raising children The goal obviously isn't to maximize effort, it's simply to reinforce the link between effort and results and help the child understand that they can coast off their natural abilities (as we all have/do), but if they want to improve or excel in something that they enjoy then it will take real effort.
- rglullis 7y ago
  I don't want us to talk past one another. My only issue with parent's post is that "focusing on the effort as its own reward" is going too much to the other extreme. "Rewarding for the effort" seems to me just as misguided as "praising for being smart", that's all.
  - silveroriole 7y ago
    I don’t see much wrong with rewarding for outcome. That’s how adults seem to work - your boss praises you for getting stuff done, not for being bright or putting effort in. You have to avoid the trap of only praising for PERFECT outcome, rather than incremental steps towards perfection, but I know I feel best being praised for a tangible thing I achieved rather than intangible intelligence or effort. (Well, some bosses try to praise for effort but I’ve always found it to be really patronising or a barely-disguised attempt to get you to work overtime.)