4 ms·

I'd like to offer up the concept of the casual home-based "brunch" as the most effective way to spend quality time with your way-too-busy friends. This version

I'd like to offer up the concept of the casual home-based "brunch" as the most effective way to spend quality time with your way-too-busy friends. This version of "brunch" happens at someone's house, from, say, noon to 5pm on a weekend day, and people do bring food, but it's a drop-in affair and not a sit-down meal, and showing up without food is also fine. The timeslot works for people with or without kids. Friends with gig economy or service industry jobs might have a shift that overlaps it, but a Lyft driver might be able to take a break and drop in, or a restaurant server might get a gap between the lunch and dinner shifts to come by. Hosting is easy because you've already set low expectations for providing food or entertainment; you're just providing some chairs with a roof over them. Do other people do this? Among my social circle, we have "brunch" probably once a month or so, attended by 15-20 people at various of our houses, and it strikes me as a useful social institution that everyone should have.

nikanj 7y ago
In Vancouver, somehow "brunch" has morphed to a massive obligation. Everyone should bring a dish, all the dishes are high effort, and people secretly hope to skip the whole thing so they don't have to get up at 7am to cook. Same with dinners parties too, and the only alternative seems to be placing the whole burden of cooking on the host. Whatever happened to just making a giant stew and someone bringing a few loaves of bread?
- mrec 7y ago
  There seems to be an obvious opportunity for upscale takeout food delivery here. Much easier to split a bill than cooking chores.
  - kcolford 7y ago
    I'd even say aggregate the food costs by offering one big meal for the group (instead of individual meals like a restaurant). As long as you can select by dietary restrictions it would work for most people.
  - leetcrew 7y ago
    isn't this called "catering"? I know some wealthy people who will often have catered food delivered (or prepared on premises) if they're having more than a couple people over and don't feel like cooking. this is also what my office does when they give us free lunch. I think the economics work out in a way where the per-head cost is pretty bad for 10-20 people, but reasonable for ~100 or more.
    - mrec 7y ago
      I thought catering involved things like waiters or at least servers. Seems excessive for a dinner party.
      - leetcrew 7y ago
        I think there are different tiers of service that are all called catering. when we get "catered" lunch at our office, they usually just put out a buffet of prepared food and we line up and take what we want. the catering staff will replace trays of food when they're empty and occasionally take your plate if you're finished eating, but that's about it. no idea what it costs per head. no matter how you slice it, having other people prepare good food (ie, not pizza and wings) for you is relatively expensive. if you expect the food to come to you, it either has to be limited to dishes that travel well and don't suffer from sitting over heat for an hour, or you have to pay even more for people to cook it on location.
      - paggle 7y ago
        There are different tiers. Boston Market will cater which basically means putting their chicken and sides into 10-person party trays rather than individual meals. It's a good way to feed a very low budget wedding.
      - dboreham 7y ago
        There are serverless caterers.
  - shantly 7y ago
    Tons of restaurants, chains and local, will give you big take-out versions of several of their dishes at a lower per-serving price than they'd normally be. Same thing a company might do to cater lunch for a largish team or smallish business unit. The smart ones will throw in a freebee or two just to make you feel good and want to place a big-ass order with them again in the future. Usually they just need to know a day in advance or something. Pick it up, put it on the table, plates and silverware next to the tubs o' food. Done. Get a shortlist of places your social circle'd like that aren't too far away and call them, probably a few of them are happy to do that (they're a business, after all, and you're offering to give them money for The Thing They Do).
- jfk13 7y ago
  Yes; "dinner parties" have -- in some circles, at least -- become such an exercise in aspirational status-signalling that few of us have the time/energy/inclination to participate. In our home, it's perfectly OK to have a friend drop in and share a pot of soup, a loaf of bread, and a couple of cheeses from the supermarket. Socializing doesn't have to be elaborate or burdensome.
- jseliger 7y ago
  Same with dinners parties too, and the only alternative seems to be placing the whole burden of cooking on the host. Whatever happened to just making a giant stew and someone bringing a few loaves of bread? Yeah, that's the way to do it if you really want to see friends regularly and not Make A Statement about cooking. Stew, slow cooker, something relatively easy. The friends grab a bottle of wine.
  - ghaff 7y ago
    It's really not a big deal. You can be fancy if you like but you don't need to be. Prepare some simple dishes and buy pre-made sides, etc. if you want to. People will bring stuff. You can ask them if you like. Having people over doesn't need to be some major stressor.
- wallacoloo 7y ago
  > the only alternative seems to be placing the whole burden of cooking on the host. Or burden the host with getting the ingredients and recipes, and have the guests help with the actual cooking once they arrive. If the dinner party is supposed to be a social event, why not make the cooking part of that event? Social cooking can be fun!
  - specialist 7y ago
    That's the strategy I eventually settled on. Worked great. And you learn A LOT about people watching them work (or not).
  - Konnstann 7y ago
    Depends on the size of the kitchen, most of the time our kitchen couldn't handle more than 2 or 3 people in it, and this was in a good-sized house.
- johnchristopher 7y ago
  Where I live it's birthday parties that got hit. Can't start earlier than 11pm, must book a club or a bar, get costumes, a dj, a rock band, etc.
- starpilot 7y ago
  Jesus christ. Just go to a damn restaurant and get bloody marys.
  - klyrs 7y ago
    Hard to get a good bloody mary in Vancouver, they make caesars up here.
- grawprog 7y ago
  Also from Vancouver, >Same with dinners parties too, and the only alternative seems to be placing the whole burden of cooking on the host. This happened to a friend of mine that hosted dinners for a year or two. The idea would be other people would host it occasionally also, or help with food. Neither of those things ended up happening, so my friend just stopped doing it and nobody else picked it up.
- bigred100 7y ago
  I wonder why it’s so easy for us as people to make problems for ourselves. Surely we could just eat hashbrowns and coffee at McDonalds for $2 and no effort.
  - bonniemuffin 7y ago
    My grandma and her friends did this for many years. Every Saturday morning they'd all meet up at McDonalds and nurse a cup of coffee for three or four hours. I think they really had it all figured out: it's about the people, not the accommodations. She's been departed for quite a few years now, but I wouldn't be surprised if her remaining friends are still doing it.
specialist 7y ago
Excellent strategy. I hosted Saturday pancakes (friends and family) and bimonthly book study group (geeks) for years. I miss both dearly. About social obligation (other reply's point): after much trial and error, it was just easier if I provided all the food. Hoagies, spaghetti, greek food, whatever's easy. Early birds were "punished" with KP chores. For study group, I asked for $5 donation per head. Some people always showed up early to help. Most geeks gave more, of course.

nikanj 7y ago

In Vancouver, somehow "brunch" has morphed to a massive obligation. Everyone should bring a dish, all the dishes are high effort, and people secretly hope to skip the whole thing so they don't have to get up at 7am to cook. Same with dinners parties too, and the only alternative seems to be placing the whole burden of cooking on the host. Whatever happened to just making a giant stew and someone bringing a few loaves of bread?

mrec 7y ago
There seems to be an obvious opportunity for upscale takeout food delivery here. Much easier to split a bill than cooking chores.
- kcolford 7y ago
  I'd even say aggregate the food costs by offering one big meal for the group (instead of individual meals like a restaurant). As long as you can select by dietary restrictions it would work for most people.
- leetcrew 7y ago
  isn't this called "catering"? I know some wealthy people who will often have catered food delivered (or prepared on premises) if they're having more than a couple people over and don't feel like cooking. this is also what my office does when they give us free lunch. I think the economics work out in a way where the per-head cost is pretty bad for 10-20 people, but reasonable for ~100 or more.
  - mrec 7y ago
    I thought catering involved things like waiters or at least servers. Seems excessive for a dinner party.
    - leetcrew 7y ago
      I think there are different tiers of service that are all called catering. when we get "catered" lunch at our office, they usually just put out a buffet of prepared food and we line up and take what we want. the catering staff will replace trays of food when they're empty and occasionally take your plate if you're finished eating, but that's about it. no idea what it costs per head. no matter how you slice it, having other people prepare good food (ie, not pizza and wings) for you is relatively expensive. if you expect the food to come to you, it either has to be limited to dishes that travel well and don't suffer from sitting over heat for an hour, or you have to pay even more for people to cook it on location.
    - paggle 7y ago
      There are different tiers. Boston Market will cater which basically means putting their chicken and sides into 10-person party trays rather than individual meals. It's a good way to feed a very low budget wedding.
    - dboreham 7y ago
      There are serverless caterers.
- shantly 7y ago
  Tons of restaurants, chains and local, will give you big take-out versions of several of their dishes at a lower per-serving price than they'd normally be. Same thing a company might do to cater lunch for a largish team or smallish business unit. The smart ones will throw in a freebee or two just to make you feel good and want to place a big-ass order with them again in the future. Usually they just need to know a day in advance or something. Pick it up, put it on the table, plates and silverware next to the tubs o' food. Done. Get a shortlist of places your social circle'd like that aren't too far away and call them, probably a few of them are happy to do that (they're a business, after all, and you're offering to give them money for The Thing They Do).
jfk13 7y ago
Yes; "dinner parties" have -- in some circles, at least -- become such an exercise in aspirational status-signalling that few of us have the time/energy/inclination to participate. In our home, it's perfectly OK to have a friend drop in and share a pot of soup, a loaf of bread, and a couple of cheeses from the supermarket. Socializing doesn't have to be elaborate or burdensome.
jseliger 7y ago
Same with dinners parties too, and the only alternative seems to be placing the whole burden of cooking on the host. Whatever happened to just making a giant stew and someone bringing a few loaves of bread? Yeah, that's the way to do it if you really want to see friends regularly and not Make A Statement about cooking. Stew, slow cooker, something relatively easy. The friends grab a bottle of wine.
- ghaff 7y ago
  It's really not a big deal. You can be fancy if you like but you don't need to be. Prepare some simple dishes and buy pre-made sides, etc. if you want to. People will bring stuff. You can ask them if you like. Having people over doesn't need to be some major stressor.
wallacoloo 7y ago
> the only alternative seems to be placing the whole burden of cooking on the host. Or burden the host with getting the ingredients and recipes, and have the guests help with the actual cooking once they arrive. If the dinner party is supposed to be a social event, why not make the cooking part of that event? Social cooking can be fun!
- specialist 7y ago
  That's the strategy I eventually settled on. Worked great. And you learn A LOT about people watching them work (or not).
- Konnstann 7y ago
  Depends on the size of the kitchen, most of the time our kitchen couldn't handle more than 2 or 3 people in it, and this was in a good-sized house.
johnchristopher 7y ago
Where I live it's birthday parties that got hit. Can't start earlier than 11pm, must book a club or a bar, get costumes, a dj, a rock band, etc.
starpilot 7y ago
Jesus christ. Just go to a damn restaurant and get bloody marys.
- klyrs 7y ago
  Hard to get a good bloody mary in Vancouver, they make caesars up here.
grawprog 7y ago
Also from Vancouver, >Same with dinners parties too, and the only alternative seems to be placing the whole burden of cooking on the host. This happened to a friend of mine that hosted dinners for a year or two. The idea would be other people would host it occasionally also, or help with food. Neither of those things ended up happening, so my friend just stopped doing it and nobody else picked it up.
bigred100 7y ago
I wonder why it’s so easy for us as people to make problems for ourselves. Surely we could just eat hashbrowns and coffee at McDonalds for $2 and no effort.
- bonniemuffin 7y ago
  My grandma and her friends did this for many years. Every Saturday morning they'd all meet up at McDonalds and nurse a cup of coffee for three or four hours. I think they really had it all figured out: it's about the people, not the accommodations. She's been departed for quite a few years now, but I wouldn't be surprised if her remaining friends are still doing it.

specialist 7y ago

Excellent strategy. I hosted Saturday pancakes (friends and family) and bimonthly book study group (geeks) for years. I miss both dearly. About social obligation (other reply's point): after much trial and error, it was just easier if I provided all the food. Hoagies, spaghetti, greek food, whatever's easy. Early birds were "punished" with KP chores. For study group, I asked for $5 donation per head. Some people always showed up early to help. Most geeks gave more, of course.