6 ms·

I've thought a lot about this subject. I have come to conclusion that asian parents hating comes from internalized self-hatred of being yellow and yet at the sa

I've thought a lot about this subject. I have come to conclusion that asian parents hating comes from internalized self-hatred of being yellow and yet at the same, being unable to express one's Asian values in a Western society. Almost everything against the Asian parents are against how their values are different from typical "American" parents: strict vs. lenient, off-putting vs. dotting. "I have to sit at home doing SAT practice sets and violin lessons while other kids are going to Chemical Romance concerts." A lot of anger comes from if my parents didn't prevent me from doing X (electric guitar) or forced me to do Y (volin), I could have been Z (football quarterback/rockstar/kissing the prom queen). These reasons may be true, but it's irresponsible to put all your shortcomings on your parents and it's dangerous because I know people who are in their late 20's, 30's long after they have moved out their parents house still playing the blame game. On the other hand, American culture is so different than Asian culture and no matter how Americanized you get, you still have some Asian influences. For instance, when I'm out with my Asian friends, we interact like we are kindergarten teachers, always very attentive to others' egos and emotions whereas with my American friends, we interact like we are in prison, joking and bustin' each other balls and never showing vulnerabilities. Sometimes I get frustrated at the "games" you have to play chasing American chicks or "bromance," where you have to put a "confidence" facade instead of expressing yourself as is. But I have come to accept Asian parents for what they are. I'm grateful for what mine has taught me and not grateful for their old ingrained concepts that runs counterproductive to living in a Western society. But one thing is constant always however, you can't teach old dogs new tricks. I could bang my head against the wall to try to explain to my parents American values and they won't understand (because maybe I myself and really anyone else don't even comprehend what American values are). But it's more practical and beneficial for me to accept responsibility for my own issues and work on them myself.

lookACamel 16y ago
>whereas with my American friends, we interact like we are in prison, joking and bustin' each other balls and never showing vulnerabilities. I catch your drift but that's not a very good analogy. I seriously doubt prison is like hanging out with friends.
- Splines 16y ago
  High school would probably be a better analogy. I'm fortunate that my HS experience was a relatively easy-going 4 years, but others in my grade were not so lucky.
stcredzero 16y ago
Almost everything against the Asian parents are against how their values are different from typical "American" parents Really? Everything I find negative has to to with prioritizing signaling over substance. The same goes for "typical" American parents. (Being a "doting" parent at the expense of honest feedback is a great example of my annoyance with the latter.)
zasz 16y ago
I don't hate Asian values because I wish I were whiter. I have a problem with my parents giving me extra math problems to do that were way beyond my grade level, and then telling me they were surprised that they'd never seen any girl where the harder she tried, the worse she did. They were assholes who reduced me to a good GPA and nothing more. Think a little bit harder about why so many Asians don't like their parents.
- tastybites 16y ago
  This is a genuine question - do asian american guys remind you of your parents?
  - zasz 16y ago
    Some of them, yes. The only Asian guys I find attractive, platonically or romantically, are ones who tend to be more extroverted or seem more relaxed about life.
    - noname123 16y ago
      QED.
potatolicious 16y ago
I feel like I have to drop my own anecdote here to counter yours - I didn't have nearly the same experience growing up. > "For instance, when I'm out with my Asian friends, we interact like we are kindergarten teachers, always very attentive to others' egos and emotions" Whereabouts did/do you live? My Asian friends around here act no differently than any other human being I regularly interact with. I really don't get the "heightened emotional sensitivity" part. Similarly, nearly all of my western friends aren't the bromancing invulnerable types. Methinks this is less about race and more about hanging around with the wrong crowd. As a further anecdote, as a westernized Asian, "sticking with your own kind" is not always advisable. Sadly, to this day when I meet a particularly Asian Asian, my initial reaction is one of wary distrust. I have yet to face anywhere near the same type of racial/cultural hatred from any white, brown, or black person as I have from my fellow yellows, for being "too white". FWIW, I don't hate my parents - quite the opposite in fact. Then again, they weren't the stereotypical hyper-traditional Asian parent, so that might be something. What I do find sad yet hilarious is the number of Asian parents who spend years convincing their children to eschew any life skills in favor of academic achievement... and then get on their case when they end up with a boring dead-end desk job, no hobbies, and are generally miserable. Well, duh.
- noname123 16y ago
  > Whereabouts did/do you live? I grew up in the East Coast; I'd venture a guess that you probably live on the West Coast. The Bay Area/LA/Vancouver, etc. > As a further anecdote, as a westernized Asian, "sticking" with your own kind" is not always advisable. I grew up in Connecticut first where I was the only Asian kid on the block and hanged out with white kids. Then I moved to Washington D.C where I went to an Asian-majority high school. So I could empathize on one hand, you feeling distrust from "Asian Asian," and on the other hand, my personal experience is that my closest friends are Asians who could relate to things that my Caucasian friends could not relate to. > I have yet to face anywhere near the same type of racial/cultural hatred from any white, brown, or black person as I have from my fellow yellows, for being "too white". Maybe the hatred is mutual? Maybe you dislike "Asian Asians" for being "too Asian". I have to be honest, don't take it personally, but I have a extreme distrust when I meet a particularly white-washed Asian. I have yet to face anywhere near the same type of racial/cultural hatred as I have from my fellow yellows, for being "too Asian." There's saying, in America, the 1st generation tries to keep their customs, 2nd generation tries to assimilate desperately, and the 3rd generation tries to seek their roots. I'm trying to span all three generations at once.

lookACamel 16y ago

>whereas with my American friends, we interact like we are in prison, joking and bustin' each other balls and never showing vulnerabilities. I catch your drift but that's not a very good analogy. I seriously doubt prison is like hanging out with friends.

Splines 16y ago
High school would probably be a better analogy. I'm fortunate that my HS experience was a relatively easy-going 4 years, but others in my grade were not so lucky.

stcredzero 16y ago

Almost everything against the Asian parents are against how their values are different from typical "American" parents Really? Everything I find negative has to to with prioritizing signaling over substance. The same goes for "typical" American parents. (Being a "doting" parent at the expense of honest feedback is a great example of my annoyance with the latter.)

zasz 16y ago

I don't hate Asian values because I wish I were whiter. I have a problem with my parents giving me extra math problems to do that were way beyond my grade level, and then telling me they were surprised that they'd never seen any girl where the harder she tried, the worse she did. They were assholes who reduced me to a good GPA and nothing more. Think a little bit harder about why so many Asians don't like their parents.

tastybites 16y ago
This is a genuine question - do asian american guys remind you of your parents?
- zasz 16y ago
  Some of them, yes. The only Asian guys I find attractive, platonically or romantically, are ones who tend to be more extroverted or seem more relaxed about life.
  - noname123 16y ago
    QED.

potatolicious 16y ago

I feel like I have to drop my own anecdote here to counter yours - I didn't have nearly the same experience growing up. > "For instance, when I'm out with my Asian friends, we interact like we are kindergarten teachers, always very attentive to others' egos and emotions" Whereabouts did/do you live? My Asian friends around here act no differently than any other human being I regularly interact with. I really don't get the "heightened emotional sensitivity" part. Similarly, nearly all of my western friends aren't the bromancing invulnerable types. Methinks this is less about race and more about hanging around with the wrong crowd. As a further anecdote, as a westernized Asian, "sticking with your own kind" is not always advisable. Sadly, to this day when I meet a particularly Asian Asian, my initial reaction is one of wary distrust. I have yet to face anywhere near the same type of racial/cultural hatred from any white, brown, or black person as I have from my fellow yellows, for being "too white". FWIW, I don't hate my parents - quite the opposite in fact. Then again, they weren't the stereotypical hyper-traditional Asian parent, so that might be something. What I do find sad yet hilarious is the number of Asian parents who spend years convincing their children to eschew any life skills in favor of academic achievement... and then get on their case when they end up with a boring dead-end desk job, no hobbies, and are generally miserable. Well, duh.

noname123 16y ago
> Whereabouts did/do you live? I grew up in the East Coast; I'd venture a guess that you probably live on the West Coast. The Bay Area/LA/Vancouver, etc. > As a further anecdote, as a westernized Asian, "sticking" with your own kind" is not always advisable. I grew up in Connecticut first where I was the only Asian kid on the block and hanged out with white kids. Then I moved to Washington D.C where I went to an Asian-majority high school. So I could empathize on one hand, you feeling distrust from "Asian Asian," and on the other hand, my personal experience is that my closest friends are Asians who could relate to things that my Caucasian friends could not relate to. > I have yet to face anywhere near the same type of racial/cultural hatred from any white, brown, or black person as I have from my fellow yellows, for being "too white". Maybe the hatred is mutual? Maybe you dislike "Asian Asians" for being "too Asian". I have to be honest, don't take it personally, but I have a extreme distrust when I meet a particularly white-washed Asian. I have yet to face anywhere near the same type of racial/cultural hatred as I have from my fellow yellows, for being "too Asian." There's saying, in America, the 1st generation tries to keep their customs, 2nd generation tries to assimilate desperately, and the 3rd generation tries to seek their roots. I'm trying to span all three generations at once.