5 ms·

Does anyone else avoid Facebook because they themselves suck as person? I don't use FB because the activities on it are things I am better off not doing. I fel

by kunjaan 16y ago

Does anyone else avoid Facebook because they themselves suck as person? I don't use FB because the activities on it are things I am better off not doing. I felt strange doing anything on it because I felt people were judging me. It was like I had developed this persona of an educated and successful and fun person when I was on it because I hadn't made any new "friends" since beginning grad school and I was so stressed out, miserable and broke that I was never brave enough to admit it on my own. After surfing through the countless photos of my friend's girlfriend or my ex gf, I honestly used to feel guilty with the voyeurism. I use to feel hurt seeing my ex gf happy, lonely seeing old friends enjoying themselves, smirk seeing my friend do something stupid. I hated when people tagged me for the same reasons. I wasted tons of time friending people I would not even wish birthday. I spent countless awkward chat conversations that never went beyond "I had a great day". I spent useless time tweaking my photos and wall so that my family wouldn't see the language that I or my friends were using. I tried to post Go's result on my wall. It became less of enjoying the game than to acquire certain points so that I could post them on my wall. I logged into Facebook when I didnt have anything to do, which happened a lot. I used to open Facebook like I opened my email and reddit. After a while I just felt too shitty. I deleted the account. I share photos through Flickr. Not all my friends are there but those who are have taught me a lot about taking photographs. I joined Blip.fm. Not all my friends are there but those who are truly share the passion I have for music. I deleted all my contacts in the messenger and added only those that I truly feel comfortable talking to. My girlfriend calls me anti social. But she too has come to accept that Facebook is prone to our weakest traits as humans. We love attentions. We love to think of ourselves as something we want to be. We trade our true feelings to be included. We want to be popular. We want our taste in music and art to be value. We crave for external success. It was like high school all over again.

sudont 16y ago
Ok, so I did the same thing as you (delete facebook), but you're wrong in thinking that you're not anti-social by avoiding Facebook. Antisocial behavior is defined as "behaviour that lacks consideration for others and that may cause damage to society" Because literally everyone else in your social circle is on Facebook, you're actually forcing them to go out of their way to interact with you, something that fits the definition to a T. Facebook is the preferred method of communication for most people, and if you're ignoring this and forcing people to conform, they'll resent it. Every interaction with you, therefore, has to be on your terms, instead of the agreed-upon social norms (therefore, not considering others).
- qjz 16y ago
  There's a difference between being antisocial and anti-Facebook. Don't conflate the two.
  - srbloom 16y ago
    Don't make assertions without support.
    - pohl 16y ago
      The same admonishion should apply to sudont's assertions upthread. We shouldn't take it as a given that friends will resent you for having to compose an email or use IM.
      - srbloom 16y ago
        The difference is that sudont explained why one would conflate the two while the child only said "Do not do it" with no explanation.
    - jacquesm 16y ago
      You want support? : The world got along fine until facebook came out all of less than 10 years ago. Since then lots of people have joined it and lots of people have left again, but arguably lots more have joined than have left. Just like there is no obligation to join there is no obligation to leave and those that leave should not be made to feel guilty because "literally everyone else in your social circle is on Facebook, you're actually forcing them to go out of their way to interact with you, something that fits the definition to a T. Facebook is the preferred method of communication for most people, and if you're ignoring this and forcing people to conform, they'll resent it. " If your social circle is defined by facebook then pity to you, there are many more established means of communicating with other people including but not limited to: - personal contact in real life (visiting) - the telephone - letter writing - email - sign language - the telegraph system - telex - flickr - youtube - fax - smoke signals - carrier pigeons - various instant messaging systems - sms - twitter And on and on, and quite a few of those didn't exist 30 years ago either. Not using facebook does not force anybody 'out of their way' in order to communicate with you, the volume will drop a bit but those that want to communicate with you will always find a way at no great inconvenience to them, after all if the 'price' of facebook is low enough for you it is too high for me because I'm not an avid user of facebook. That cuts both ways and the onus is not on the non-users to provide ease of access to the users of a certain medium. Typically protocol negotiations will settle when a common medium has been found, and facebook is only one of many possibles. Fortunately there is some freedom of choice left in this life and whether or not you choose to use a certain communications medium is one of the things we're still free to choose. Just because something is a hype does not make it mandatory.
diN0bot 16y ago
i think you'll find more success with Facebook-like thinks if you Think about it less, by which i mean don't strategize or mull over it. try acting from your instincts on what feels right in your core. you'll find yourself taking more honest actions and appreciating how you spend your time, rather than consuming your mind with judgements on yourself and others. "wasting time" sounds to me like a product of taking actions without consulting your gut, like you're chained to your mind instead of your whole being. the fact that wasting time is so much in your vocabulary is like a secon meta level of focusing too much on your mind and strategizing instead of doing. i haven't yet figured out the right words, but there's something important i'm trying to communicate. feedback welcome.
- bas 16y ago
  Actually, this is perfect advice for daily living with others. In other words, stop playing chess with relationships and get out of your own way.
epo 16y ago
There is a difference between antisocial and asocial, it is the difference between being hostile or antagonistic to others as opposed to simply ignoring or ahunning them. Equally, people confuse being insecure and attention-seeking with being sociable or worse, popular.
ergo98 16y ago
After letting a profile languish for some time, I got pulled onto Facebook by people who insisted upon messaging me via Facebook rather than via email. I quit and deleted the account, however, when the demands of reciprocity got not only too time consuming, but too transparent and formulaic to participate in without feeling almost ridiculous. It is tangentially related to a scene from Fight Club- Narrator: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just... Marla Singer: - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. On Facebook, as with many social media sites (including Flickr), people "listen to you" to remind you that you should listen to them. They like your posts and comment on your pictures and send you happy birthdays all to ensure that you feel the obligation to do the same to them. Life is full of that sort of reciprocity, but never could it be piled onto people with the easy lack of friction that Facebook affords.
- jacquesm 16y ago
  The real life equivalent of this for me is Christmas cards. I never send them, but I receive piles of them every year. It's really not nice of me but I stuff them in the paper bin unless they're from close family or home made and not printed. When it's mid summer though I tend to drop in on people just to say hi and ask how they're doing, I prefer to do that than to send a Christmas card just because 'it's the social thing to do', I don't feel as though I'm obliged to return the favor and the facebook 'demands of reciprocity' I can do without just as well.
Qz 16y ago
I only go on facebook to confirm friend requests when people start bugging me about it in real life. I haven't deleted my account, but I might in the near future (or might not). I have never met anyone through facebook and I think that in all the time I've used it (not a lot compared to most Americans my age), I never accomplished anything productive whatsoever. I get more value out of watching re-runs of Law and Order.
TimothyBurgess 16y ago
It was like high school all over again. Bingo! I've been feeling this way about facebook for quite a while now. I still check it every day when bored or to take my mind off work for a minute but never more than a minute or two... interaction with facebook has become minimal. It was cool back when I was a freshman in college 5 yrs ago and only other college students were on it.
aaronblohowiak 16y ago
I use it to swap pictures with my mom, aunts and uncles and cousins. You get out what you put in...

by kunjaan 16y ago

sudont 16y ago

Ok, so I did the same thing as you (delete facebook), but you're wrong in thinking that you're not anti-social by avoiding Facebook. Antisocial behavior is defined as "behaviour that lacks consideration for others and that may cause damage to society" Because literally everyone else in your social circle is on Facebook, you're actually forcing them to go out of their way to interact with you, something that fits the definition to a T. Facebook is the preferred method of communication for most people, and if you're ignoring this and forcing people to conform, they'll resent it. Every interaction with you, therefore, has to be on your terms, instead of the agreed-upon social norms (therefore, not considering others).

qjz 16y ago
There's a difference between being antisocial and anti-Facebook. Don't conflate the two.
- srbloom 16y ago
  Don't make assertions without support.
  - pohl 16y ago
    The same admonishion should apply to sudont's assertions upthread. We shouldn't take it as a given that friends will resent you for having to compose an email or use IM.
    - srbloom 16y ago
      The difference is that sudont explained why one would conflate the two while the child only said "Do not do it" with no explanation.
  - jacquesm 16y ago
    You want support? : The world got along fine until facebook came out all of less than 10 years ago. Since then lots of people have joined it and lots of people have left again, but arguably lots more have joined than have left. Just like there is no obligation to join there is no obligation to leave and those that leave should not be made to feel guilty because "literally everyone else in your social circle is on Facebook, you're actually forcing them to go out of their way to interact with you, something that fits the definition to a T. Facebook is the preferred method of communication for most people, and if you're ignoring this and forcing people to conform, they'll resent it. " If your social circle is defined by facebook then pity to you, there are many more established means of communicating with other people including but not limited to: - personal contact in real life (visiting) - the telephone - letter writing - email - sign language - the telegraph system - telex - flickr - youtube - fax - smoke signals - carrier pigeons - various instant messaging systems - sms - twitter And on and on, and quite a few of those didn't exist 30 years ago either. Not using facebook does not force anybody 'out of their way' in order to communicate with you, the volume will drop a bit but those that want to communicate with you will always find a way at no great inconvenience to them, after all if the 'price' of facebook is low enough for you it is too high for me because I'm not an avid user of facebook. That cuts both ways and the onus is not on the non-users to provide ease of access to the users of a certain medium. Typically protocol negotiations will settle when a common medium has been found, and facebook is only one of many possibles. Fortunately there is some freedom of choice left in this life and whether or not you choose to use a certain communications medium is one of the things we're still free to choose. Just because something is a hype does not make it mandatory.

diN0bot 16y ago

i think you'll find more success with Facebook-like thinks if you Think about it less, by which i mean don't strategize or mull over it. try acting from your instincts on what feels right in your core. you'll find yourself taking more honest actions and appreciating how you spend your time, rather than consuming your mind with judgements on yourself and others. "wasting time" sounds to me like a product of taking actions without consulting your gut, like you're chained to your mind instead of your whole being. the fact that wasting time is so much in your vocabulary is like a secon meta level of focusing too much on your mind and strategizing instead of doing. i haven't yet figured out the right words, but there's something important i'm trying to communicate. feedback welcome.

bas 16y ago
Actually, this is perfect advice for daily living with others. In other words, stop playing chess with relationships and get out of your own way.

epo 16y ago

There is a difference between antisocial and asocial, it is the difference between being hostile or antagonistic to others as opposed to simply ignoring or ahunning them. Equally, people confuse being insecure and attention-seeking with being sociable or worse, popular.

ergo98 16y ago

After letting a profile languish for some time, I got pulled onto Facebook by people who insisted upon messaging me via Facebook rather than via email. I quit and deleted the account, however, when the demands of reciprocity got not only too time consuming, but too transparent and formulaic to participate in without feeling almost ridiculous. It is tangentially related to a scene from Fight Club- Narrator: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just... Marla Singer: - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. On Facebook, as with many social media sites (including Flickr), people "listen to you" to remind you that you should listen to them. They like your posts and comment on your pictures and send you happy birthdays all to ensure that you feel the obligation to do the same to them. Life is full of that sort of reciprocity, but never could it be piled onto people with the easy lack of friction that Facebook affords.

jacquesm 16y ago
The real life equivalent of this for me is Christmas cards. I never send them, but I receive piles of them every year. It's really not nice of me but I stuff them in the paper bin unless they're from close family or home made and not printed. When it's mid summer though I tend to drop in on people just to say hi and ask how they're doing, I prefer to do that than to send a Christmas card just because 'it's the social thing to do', I don't feel as though I'm obliged to return the favor and the facebook 'demands of reciprocity' I can do without just as well.

Qz 16y ago

I only go on facebook to confirm friend requests when people start bugging me about it in real life. I haven't deleted my account, but I might in the near future (or might not). I have never met anyone through facebook and I think that in all the time I've used it (not a lot compared to most Americans my age), I never accomplished anything productive whatsoever. I get more value out of watching re-runs of Law and Order.

TimothyBurgess 16y ago

It was like high school all over again. Bingo! I've been feeling this way about facebook for quite a while now. I still check it every day when bored or to take my mind off work for a minute but never more than a minute or two... interaction with facebook has become minimal. It was cool back when I was a freshman in college 5 yrs ago and only other college students were on it.

aaronblohowiak 16y ago

I use it to swap pictures with my mom, aunts and uncles and cousins. You get out what you put in...