5 ms·

My office mates audibly fart throughout the day and act like it's normal. Pretty sure it's not.

gadders 7y ago
I think it's only allowed on Casual Friday at my place.
anon4lol 7y ago
It's not. They should do what I do -- silently "crop dust" the other cubicles as I drift past on my way to an unimportant meeting. But seriously, I have a cubicle-mate that goes through a box of tissues every two days. He is constantly grunting and blowing his nose. He also spends 15 minutes brushing and flossing in the bathroom twice per day. I say 15 minutes, because he has his phone propped up with a timer. Every time my noise cancelling headset runs out of power and needs to be recharged, I re-evaluate my life choices and my tortured existence.
- _bxg1 7y ago
  I had a similar experience with a mechanical keyboard so loud I could hear it through my Bose noise-cancelling headphones. Fortunately a spot opened up in a different room and I jumped on it.
  - ChuckNorris89 7y ago
    OMG, you must be a colleague from my old team. :) My ex boss bought a mechanical keyboard with Cherry MX Blue switches(the loud clicky ones) that would penetrate my noise cancelling headphones and gave everyone in our shared office 'Nam PTSD flashbacks. Nobody dared to complain to him about that. Still wondering if he did that on purpose to troll us or he was just really indifferent about the others in the office.
    - _bxg1 7y ago
      There's something about the sound of clacking keyboards that's more intolerable to me than nails on a chalkboard. It's pretty inconsiderate to use a mechanical one in a shared office
      - yellowapple 7y ago
        Well if they gave me a proper cubicle like God intended instead of shoving me into an open-office floor plan, they wouldn't have to put up with the clickity clack of my MX Greens :) Instead, it's payback for all the chitter chatter that's happening around me at this very moment. I also like to eat loud crunchy snacks and open energy drink cans to be extra evil.
  - journalctl 7y ago
    I have a very loud keyboard, and if ever there’s someone new sitting near me, I ask them if it will be bothersome and then stress that it’s no trouble to replace it. Of course, there’s a chance people are just being polite and I should replace it anyway, but it’s a small room and half the time I’m alone in it anyway.
- selimthegrim 7y ago
  He clearly reads McSweeney's - https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-brush-my-teeth-at-work-just-to-make-you-feel-bad-about-yourself https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-brush-my-teeth-at-work... > You retreat to the furthest stall for your afternoon constitutional. Perhaps you hope to wait me out, but you underestimate my resolve. Dentists recommend brushing for 2 to 3 minutes, but I will be here for a minimum of 10 minutes — possibly 15 — to ensure that I’ll be seen by as many coworkers as possible. Yes, I will still be here when you emerge, to the rhythmic sounds of Reach Extra-Firm bristles on flawless enamel. Each stroke brushing away any illusion of equality between us. This is not about teeth. The teeth are merely 32 gleaming ivory towers from which to look down on you. This is about what the teeth represent. It’s about what else we both might surmise from this moment: That I am likely far better positioned for retirement. That my houseplants enjoy regular watering and seasonal fertilizer. That I have enviable cholesterol and triglyceride levels. All of that with which you struggle in life, that which eludes you? These things are effortless for me.
  - deleted 7y ago
    [deleted]
  - brokenmachine 7y ago
    I guess it's all a matter of perspective, but I'd just be thinking he's some kind of weird loser with OCD that can't manage his own personal grooming at home, but for some reason isn't bothered by spending a lot of time in a public toilet.
- faissaloo 7y ago
  Sounds like OCD or at least severe germophobia.
runjake 7y ago
You said "mates". It's normal if everyone else is doing it.
catacombs 7y ago
Can you file an HR complaint? The stink must be unbearable.
- ChuckNorris89 7y ago
  What can HR do? Their job is to protect the company against internal liabilities. Unless farting is illegal nasal harassment, you have no case.
  - hermitdev 7y ago
    At a previous job, several us did go to HR with complaints about another coworker over body odor complaints. It was seriously bad enough that you could smell this individual from over 50 feet away. It was nauseating and was hurting the productivity of everyone around them. This individual was a foreign national working in the US for the first time. My understanding was that HR took the individual aside in a private meeting and explained there were issues about their hygiene and arranged for them to attend some sort of cultural acclamation course that addressed things about cultural and workplace expectations. We weren't looking for the individual to be disciplined or anything, but we certainly needed to be able to sit in our cubes without our sinuses being assaulted and our eyes watering.
bitwize 7y ago
I once worked one desk over from a bloke who did CrossFit in the middle of the day, and for some reason had to hang up his damp, sweaty, reeking gym things on the substructure of his desk to dry when he got back. I had to lay down a protective Lysol force field to protect myself. Oh, and this was at $LARGE_SEARCH_ENGINE_COMPANY, who treat contractors as subhuman scum, not even entitled to a laptop so they can work in the lounge or something. Mercifully, about the worst my current coworkers do is say "leverage" when they mean "use".
- crimsonalucard 7y ago
  Large search engine company??? Altavista? Excite.com? Duckduckgo?
  - codelemur 7y ago
    Probably AskJeeves
  - llampx 7y ago
    No, it's one that treats contractors as subhuman scum.
    - yellowapple 7y ago
      So Bing, then.
- gadders 7y ago
  I once worked at an office for a large bank that had an atrium as you walked in, and then desk partitions up against the glass windows. Some of the people that went to the gym used to hang their towels over the partitions, until an email from the Head of Facilities saying that they made the office look like a holiday hotel in Benidorm.
rbavocadotree 7y ago
I have one that has had a runny nose for about two years now and is constantly sniffing. No matter how many times it's mentioned, and even though there is a Kleenex box on their desk, nothing ever changes. It's enough to make me think about quitting some days.
- bonestamp2 7y ago
  Probably chronic allergies with post nasal drip. They've probably had it their whole life and don't even realize how often they're doing it. That doesn't make it an easier to tolerate though.
  - hermitdev 7y ago
    Yeah, this happenned to me. No allergies all my life, then about 35 yrs old, it seemed like my nose was running all the time. Blowing my nose about 20 times a day. Enough drainage down my throat that it was causing gag reflex amd coughing issues. Finally lead to bad sinus headaches. Got diagnosed with allergies this past winter. Now, daily take Xyzal and Cingular plus Dymistra nasal sprays, and I get weekly allergy shots. The headaches have mostly subsided and I can breathe more easily, but I still get some drainage. Odd thing for me, despite my allergies being to cats, dogs, tree and weed pollen, I always feel worst when I'm in the office away from my allergens. When I'm at home with my dog and 3 cats, with the windows open and pollen flowing through the living room, I'm fine. :shrug:
bonestamp2 7y ago
You should buy them all butt plugs for xmas. That would send a message and be equally as awkward. Make sure you get ones with soft tips incase they become pneumatic projectiles.
preordained 7y ago
As an experiment, you should let one rip at an opportune moment. Should be enlightening whether they carry on as if this is indeed normal or try to gaslight you about your strange behavior...
faissaloo 7y ago
Question: what's the farting protocol in the office? Current strategies I've tried have been: Letting it out as it comes - This is bad for everyone and causes a noticeable odor and occasionally sound Letting it out in small bursts - the smell is never too bad if it's noticeable at all, however there's a chance you'll misjudge the pressure and let out too much at once Hold it in - This is extremely painful but I have done it when I fear the frequency of releasing gas as often as I'd like to would be extremely disruptive Go to the toilet - I find this strategy borderline useless because by the time you've reached the toilet the situation has somehow resolved itself
etxm 7y ago
Brutally shit yourself and scream “game over, I win, motherfuckers” and moonwalk out.
- brokenmachine 7y ago
  I love the use of the word "brutally" here.
newnewpdro 7y ago
One of my early jobs was working at a small PC repair/sales shop owned by a married pair of Indian immigrants. They would fart as freely as blinking. This was in a very conservative white midwestern town, and they wouldn't even reel it in while pitching sales to potential buyers. I was a teen at the time and couldn't believe it, ripping ass right in front of a potential customer while running over prices of various components, without missing a beat. But clearly this is a cultural thing, and some cultures don't seem to frown upon it. The best part was they also ate vegetarian, and the most convenient vegetarian fast-food option was taco bell so they ate bean burritos practically ever day. The flatulence was nearly constant. Are your office mates immigrants?

I think it's only allowed on Casual Friday at my place.

It's not. They should do what I do -- silently "crop dust" the other cubicles as I drift past on my way to an unimportant meeting. But seriously, I have a cubicle-mate that goes through a box of tissues every two days. He is constantly grunting and blowing his nose. He also spends 15 minutes brushing and flossing in the bathroom twice per day. I say 15 minutes, because he has his phone propped up with a timer. Every time my noise cancelling headset runs out of power and needs to be recharged, I re-evaluate my life choices and my tortured existence.

_bxg1 7y ago
I had a similar experience with a mechanical keyboard so loud I could hear it through my Bose noise-cancelling headphones. Fortunately a spot opened up in a different room and I jumped on it.
- ChuckNorris89 7y ago
  OMG, you must be a colleague from my old team. :) My ex boss bought a mechanical keyboard with Cherry MX Blue switches(the loud clicky ones) that would penetrate my noise cancelling headphones and gave everyone in our shared office 'Nam PTSD flashbacks. Nobody dared to complain to him about that. Still wondering if he did that on purpose to troll us or he was just really indifferent about the others in the office.
  - _bxg1 7y ago
    There's something about the sound of clacking keyboards that's more intolerable to me than nails on a chalkboard. It's pretty inconsiderate to use a mechanical one in a shared office
    - yellowapple 7y ago
      Well if they gave me a proper cubicle like God intended instead of shoving me into an open-office floor plan, they wouldn't have to put up with the clickity clack of my MX Greens :) Instead, it's payback for all the chitter chatter that's happening around me at this very moment. I also like to eat loud crunchy snacks and open energy drink cans to be extra evil.
- journalctl 7y ago
  I have a very loud keyboard, and if ever there’s someone new sitting near me, I ask them if it will be bothersome and then stress that it’s no trouble to replace it. Of course, there’s a chance people are just being polite and I should replace it anyway, but it’s a small room and half the time I’m alone in it anyway.
selimthegrim 7y ago
He clearly reads McSweeney's - https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-brush-my-teeth-at-work-just-to-make-you-feel-bad-about-yourself https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-brush-my-teeth-at-work... > You retreat to the furthest stall for your afternoon constitutional. Perhaps you hope to wait me out, but you underestimate my resolve. Dentists recommend brushing for 2 to 3 minutes, but I will be here for a minimum of 10 minutes — possibly 15 — to ensure that I’ll be seen by as many coworkers as possible. Yes, I will still be here when you emerge, to the rhythmic sounds of Reach Extra-Firm bristles on flawless enamel. Each stroke brushing away any illusion of equality between us. This is not about teeth. The teeth are merely 32 gleaming ivory towers from which to look down on you. This is about what the teeth represent. It’s about what else we both might surmise from this moment: That I am likely far better positioned for retirement. That my houseplants enjoy regular watering and seasonal fertilizer. That I have enviable cholesterol and triglyceride levels. All of that with which you struggle in life, that which eludes you? These things are effortless for me.
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]
- brokenmachine 7y ago
  I guess it's all a matter of perspective, but I'd just be thinking he's some kind of weird loser with OCD that can't manage his own personal grooming at home, but for some reason isn't bothered by spending a lot of time in a public toilet.
faissaloo 7y ago
Sounds like OCD or at least severe germophobia.

runjake 7y ago

You said "mates". It's normal if everyone else is doing it.

catacombs 7y ago

Can you file an HR complaint? The stink must be unbearable.

ChuckNorris89 7y ago
What can HR do? Their job is to protect the company against internal liabilities. Unless farting is illegal nasal harassment, you have no case.
- hermitdev 7y ago
  At a previous job, several us did go to HR with complaints about another coworker over body odor complaints. It was seriously bad enough that you could smell this individual from over 50 feet away. It was nauseating and was hurting the productivity of everyone around them. This individual was a foreign national working in the US for the first time. My understanding was that HR took the individual aside in a private meeting and explained there were issues about their hygiene and arranged for them to attend some sort of cultural acclamation course that addressed things about cultural and workplace expectations. We weren't looking for the individual to be disciplined or anything, but we certainly needed to be able to sit in our cubes without our sinuses being assaulted and our eyes watering.

bitwize 7y ago

I once worked one desk over from a bloke who did CrossFit in the middle of the day, and for some reason had to hang up his damp, sweaty, reeking gym things on the substructure of his desk to dry when he got back. I had to lay down a protective Lysol force field to protect myself. Oh, and this was at $LARGE_SEARCH_ENGINE_COMPANY, who treat contractors as subhuman scum, not even entitled to a laptop so they can work in the lounge or something. Mercifully, about the worst my current coworkers do is say "leverage" when they mean "use".

crimsonalucard 7y ago
Large search engine company??? Altavista? Excite.com? Duckduckgo?
- codelemur 7y ago
  Probably AskJeeves
- llampx 7y ago
  No, it's one that treats contractors as subhuman scum.
  - yellowapple 7y ago
    So Bing, then.
gadders 7y ago
I once worked at an office for a large bank that had an atrium as you walked in, and then desk partitions up against the glass windows. Some of the people that went to the gym used to hang their towels over the partitions, until an email from the Head of Facilities saying that they made the office look like a holiday hotel in Benidorm.

rbavocadotree 7y ago

I have one that has had a runny nose for about two years now and is constantly sniffing. No matter how many times it's mentioned, and even though there is a Kleenex box on their desk, nothing ever changes. It's enough to make me think about quitting some days.

bonestamp2 7y ago
Probably chronic allergies with post nasal drip. They've probably had it their whole life and don't even realize how often they're doing it. That doesn't make it an easier to tolerate though.
- hermitdev 7y ago
  Yeah, this happenned to me. No allergies all my life, then about 35 yrs old, it seemed like my nose was running all the time. Blowing my nose about 20 times a day. Enough drainage down my throat that it was causing gag reflex amd coughing issues. Finally lead to bad sinus headaches. Got diagnosed with allergies this past winter. Now, daily take Xyzal and Cingular plus Dymistra nasal sprays, and I get weekly allergy shots. The headaches have mostly subsided and I can breathe more easily, but I still get some drainage. Odd thing for me, despite my allergies being to cats, dogs, tree and weed pollen, I always feel worst when I'm in the office away from my allergens. When I'm at home with my dog and 3 cats, with the windows open and pollen flowing through the living room, I'm fine. :shrug:

bonestamp2 7y ago

You should buy them all butt plugs for xmas. That would send a message and be equally as awkward. Make sure you get ones with soft tips incase they become pneumatic projectiles.

preordained 7y ago

As an experiment, you should let one rip at an opportune moment. Should be enlightening whether they carry on as if this is indeed normal or try to gaslight you about your strange behavior...

faissaloo 7y ago

Question: what's the farting protocol in the office? Current strategies I've tried have been: Letting it out as it comes - This is bad for everyone and causes a noticeable odor and occasionally sound Letting it out in small bursts - the smell is never too bad if it's noticeable at all, however there's a chance you'll misjudge the pressure and let out too much at once Hold it in - This is extremely painful but I have done it when I fear the frequency of releasing gas as often as I'd like to would be extremely disruptive Go to the toilet - I find this strategy borderline useless because by the time you've reached the toilet the situation has somehow resolved itself

etxm 7y ago

Brutally shit yourself and scream “game over, I win, motherfuckers” and moonwalk out.

brokenmachine 7y ago
I love the use of the word "brutally" here.

newnewpdro 7y ago

One of my early jobs was working at a small PC repair/sales shop owned by a married pair of Indian immigrants. They would fart as freely as blinking. This was in a very conservative white midwestern town, and they wouldn't even reel it in while pitching sales to potential buyers. I was a teen at the time and couldn't believe it, ripping ass right in front of a potential customer while running over prices of various components, without missing a beat. But clearly this is a cultural thing, and some cultures don't seem to frown upon it. The best part was they also ate vegetarian, and the most convenient vegetarian fast-food option was taco bell so they ate bean burritos practically ever day. The flatulence was nearly constant. Are your office mates immigrants?