are your motivations external rather than internal? do you want money, prestige, or recognition from others and that's why you want to be like this? because if

are your motivations external rather than internal? do you want money, prestige, or recognition from others and that's why you want to be like this? because if so, forget about it. not worth the friction that will come alongside. i've found a good barometer is to imagine what you would be doing if you had unlimited material wealth, so don't need to earn a paycheck for yourself or others. what are you doing with that time? if that's not tech related, i'd recommend not trying to force it. if it /is/ tech focused, and you work in tech, then there are some issues preventing you from aligning what motivates you from what you're doing. reflect on that, and what you need to do to align those. in my experience this isn't a 2 hour thing, it's like a 2 month thing.