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Although I don't condone the "experiments" (of which the bias shouldn't be a concern so long as they're accurately presenting the data - you can't get much more

Although I don't condone the "experiments" (of which the bias shouldn't be a concern so long as they're accurately presenting the data - you can't get much more accurate than screenshots, which out of the principle of charity it makes some sense to give credence to at first glance) I wouldn't blame men for feeling bitter and loveless after online dating experience. You'll find countless men (and women, but for different reasons) feeling utterly hopeless and defeated after experiences on online dating apps. You've put yourself out there, people have seen your profile, and people didn't like you. Getting zero matches (other than bots) after a few months can cripple one's self-esteem. If you were to complain about it, you're either hit with advice from the infamous rules 1 and 2 (1. be attractive; 2. don't be unattractive), or you'll get some advice which is well-meaning but hardly actionable. The one I see most frequently is "try and meet people at bars" (it's hard to imagine this working today, and it almost requires one to be a drinker - and even then it's harder not to come off as creepy) and "join some activity groups". The real kicker is that many activities that you already enjoy are biased to one gender or the other (say, compsci/engineering hobbies and chess tend to be heavily male-centric in real life meetings), and it's very hard to find the passion for an activity if you started doing it just to try and find a date (and people will usually pick up on the fact). It can also leave one feeling superficial and creepy to do so. I know many men (and some women) who've decided to give up. Men because they have lost hope on account of not having a strong enough appearance to persuade someone to read their bio, which often reeks of desperation anyway (one may be short, another may be fat, yet another may be ugly, yet another just prefers Android[0][1]). Women because they only feel valued for their appearance, or just for being a woman, rather than what makes them who they are. I expect the problem to get worse, where online, centralized dating platforms become the norm, and when it's harder to make friends in real life, in which getting to know someone first outranks any consideration of appearances. If you're not already friends with someone, it's very easy to accept or reject on what is immediately visible - one's appearance. [0] https://www.cultofmac.com/563567/iphone-vs-android-could-be-ruining-your-dating-life/ https://www.cultofmac.com/563567/iphone-vs-android-could-be-... [1] https://www.theverge.com/2017/2/14/14619158/apple-iphone-google-android-judgemental-dating-study https://www.theverge.com/2017/2/14/14619158/apple-iphone-goo...

Lewton 7y ago
> of which the bias shouldn't be a concern so long as they're accurately presenting the data - you can't get much more accurate than screenshots, which out of the principle of charity it makes some sense to give credence to at first glance You can change profiles after the fact. One of the examples I saw, it was clear the person had changed their profile to say something much worse than what it was when the conversations happened
CuriouslyC 7y ago
Part of the problem is that people feel creepy for being interested in the opposite sex in the first place. And that society on some twisted level condones that idea. A lot of guys have responded to modern feminism and the MeToo movement by turning into sexless soyboys who are so hung up on not being creepy (which is itself kind of creepy) that they are incapable of hitting on girls. As for attractiveness, people have a lot more control over it than they realize. Lose weight, get fit, get your teeth fixed, find your best hair/beard style and develop a cool look, and you can probably be hot unless you have a face like Sloth from The Goonies. I will admit though, even as a hot guy with good game, I still have a hard time on Tinder. I get a decent number of likes, but not many matches, as the vast majority of them are from women that don't meet my standards. I can pull 1-2 new dates a week from OkCupid, but I've never met a top tier woman there. Thankfully I'm in a relationship now with a drop-dead gorgeous woman I met due to common interests, so I can put all that behind me now.

Lewton 7y ago

> of which the bias shouldn't be a concern so long as they're accurately presenting the data - you can't get much more accurate than screenshots, which out of the principle of charity it makes some sense to give credence to at first glance You can change profiles after the fact. One of the examples I saw, it was clear the person had changed their profile to say something much worse than what it was when the conversations happened

CuriouslyC 7y ago

Part of the problem is that people feel creepy for being interested in the opposite sex in the first place. And that society on some twisted level condones that idea. A lot of guys have responded to modern feminism and the MeToo movement by turning into sexless soyboys who are so hung up on not being creepy (which is itself kind of creepy) that they are incapable of hitting on girls. As for attractiveness, people have a lot more control over it than they realize. Lose weight, get fit, get your teeth fixed, find your best hair/beard style and develop a cool look, and you can probably be hot unless you have a face like Sloth from The Goonies. I will admit though, even as a hot guy with good game, I still have a hard time on Tinder. I get a decent number of likes, but not many matches, as the vast majority of them are from women that don't meet my standards. I can pull 1-2 new dates a week from OkCupid, but I've never met a top tier woman there. Thankfully I'm in a relationship now with a drop-dead gorgeous woman I met due to common interests, so I can put all that behind me now.