12 ms·

Unrelated, but I'm thinking about using one or more dating sites. Which ones do people here use, and what are your thoughts/observations?

seibelj 7y ago
I met my wife on Tinder 6 years ago, but YMMV
werber 7y ago
I've had great luck with Scruff, and have had friends who have done well with bumble
- tempsy 7y ago
  A bit presumptuous to assume the OP is a gay male, no?
  - queercode 7y ago
    It's no more presumptuous to assume OP is a straight male.
    - tempsy 7y ago
      Right. If someone asks what a good dating app is then the better thing to do is to not assume sexual orientation or gender and recommend an app for all e.g. Tinder/Coffee Meets Bagel/Hinge? I mean, just thought it was weird for a complete stranger to recommend to another complete stranger a gay hookup app for men...
      - werber 7y ago
        I just recommended Scruff first because that's where I met my partner, it's way more than just a sex app! They have events and a tinder like mode where you can only match with other people looking for a relationship.
    - deleted 7y ago
      [deleted]
    - naniwaduni 7y ago
      In the absence of other evidence, gay male is about two to four bits of entropy more presumptuous than straight male.
      - mcv 7y ago
        That doesn't make it okay to assume everybody is straight. Some people really are gay.
  - bananocurrency 7y ago
    how does giving an anecdote about a dating app experience presume anything about the OP?
    - tempsy 7y ago
      The OP was asking for dating app recommendations...I thought it was strange for someone to reply back with a positive review of a gay hookup app for men without knowing the gender or sexual orientation of the person asking for the recommendation when there are plenty of dating apps that cater to all people. shrug
    - makomk 7y ago
      Scruff is a gay dating app, and those are very different from their straight counterparts. Any anecdote about them is basically irrelevant to straight folks.
dvt 7y ago
Short answer? They are all trash and the space is ripe for disruption. The best of the bunch is probably Hinge, Bumble, and Coffee Meets Bagel. But like I said, getting a date off these apps is like pulling teeth. I've reverted to asking girls out in person at coffee shops, social gatherings, etc. Even if you get rejected, it at least makes for a good story.
- busymom0 7y ago
  What would you change if you were to build a new dating app to disrupt the market?
  - i_am_proteus 7y ago
    Human nature.
  - dvt 7y ago
    I have a lot of thoughts on this, so excuse the long post (maybe I'll write a blog post on it at some point): First, there's a clear (and artificial) skewing of supply-demand curves. There are probably like 30 (active) guys for every 1 (active) girl on these apps (looking at you, Tinder). This creates an imbalance where women are incredibly selective while men end up being incredibly non-selective (e.g. swipe right on everything). Clearly, this needs to be addressed -- this "marketplace" is a sham. Second of all, a lot of women (but also men) use dating apps to increase their social following (be it Snapchat or Instagram). This probably only pertains to people in their 20s or 30s, but it's a huge problem when trying to seriously find someone to date. Third -- the botpocalypse. About 70% of my matches on Tinder this past year (I actually quit all dating apps around 4 months ago) have been bots. Not sure if this is a tractable problem, but after a while, it just gets old. At this point, matching with bots is a meme on /r/Tinder, for example. Fourth, there needs to be an in-app incentive to meet in real life. I feel that my generation (millennials) are kind of broken. I blow people's minds when I tell them that I work remotely at a coffee shop and started making friends with people there, hanging out, etc. In other words, we absolutely suck at real-life social interaction. So we need these apps to "nudge" in the right direction. A potential solution would be a cross between a meetup and a date. Fifth, I think hookup culture really is starting to show its dark side. Tinder was very popular as a hookup app a few years ago, but nowadays it's more or less abandoned. People actually want deep and long-lasting connections. None of the apps out there really attempt to solve this. It's a tough problem to solve because building a relationship (like building a friendship) takes time. Anyway, these are some issues I have with dating apps off the top of my head. I will say that it also probably doesn't help that I live in LA, which is a pretty superficial city to begin with. But the women are gorgeous, so I probably shouldn't complain :)
mayank 7y ago
It really depends on what flavor of spam you’re trying to date.
Glyptodon 7y ago
Met current long term GF (~1.5 yrs) on CMB. It didn't have a ton of matches/users in my area but those it did have were more into dating with an eye towards finding a long term relationship. Besides that I found it pretty easy to consistently get a date or two a week with Tinder, but it was a chore in terms of time spent to do so. It also resulted in a lot of not quite right matches that I felt mixed about, like people who were amazing but didn't really have compatible (with me) life directions/goals. Bumble was the most useless dating site I tried. Everything seemed to be more about image and posturing than actually dating. At the time okCupid was in the midst of changing from a decent site for people who still used desktops and web browsers and liked longform text to a bad version of tinder, which I assume it is now. Assume things have changed a bit by now so of course YMMV.
odiroot 7y ago
I met my current partner on Tinder but I just didn't bother to look in my current place of residence. I wouldn't recommend Tinder to anyone though.
kkarakk 7y ago
Every country has a different combination of dating apps that people end up using. Hell if you're in the middle east, different subsections of the population use different dating apps...
skocznymroczny 7y ago
If you're looking for hookup, and you're attractive, Tinder works well. If you're looking for dating, OKCupid works well, but you need to work fast. Arrange a meetup/coffee date within 3-4 messages. If you talk to someone for weeks without meeting, it's unlikely you'll get anywhere.

seibelj 7y ago

I met my wife on Tinder 6 years ago, but YMMV

werber 7y ago

I've had great luck with Scruff, and have had friends who have done well with bumble

tempsy 7y ago
A bit presumptuous to assume the OP is a gay male, no?
- queercode 7y ago
  It's no more presumptuous to assume OP is a straight male.
  - tempsy 7y ago
    Right. If someone asks what a good dating app is then the better thing to do is to not assume sexual orientation or gender and recommend an app for all e.g. Tinder/Coffee Meets Bagel/Hinge? I mean, just thought it was weird for a complete stranger to recommend to another complete stranger a gay hookup app for men...
    - werber 7y ago
      I just recommended Scruff first because that's where I met my partner, it's way more than just a sex app! They have events and a tinder like mode where you can only match with other people looking for a relationship.
  - deleted 7y ago
    [deleted]
  - naniwaduni 7y ago
    In the absence of other evidence, gay male is about two to four bits of entropy more presumptuous than straight male.
    - mcv 7y ago
      That doesn't make it okay to assume everybody is straight. Some people really are gay.
- bananocurrency 7y ago
  how does giving an anecdote about a dating app experience presume anything about the OP?
  - tempsy 7y ago
    The OP was asking for dating app recommendations...I thought it was strange for someone to reply back with a positive review of a gay hookup app for men without knowing the gender or sexual orientation of the person asking for the recommendation when there are plenty of dating apps that cater to all people. shrug
  - makomk 7y ago
    Scruff is a gay dating app, and those are very different from their straight counterparts. Any anecdote about them is basically irrelevant to straight folks.

dvt 7y ago

Short answer? They are all trash and the space is ripe for disruption. The best of the bunch is probably Hinge, Bumble, and Coffee Meets Bagel. But like I said, getting a date off these apps is like pulling teeth. I've reverted to asking girls out in person at coffee shops, social gatherings, etc. Even if you get rejected, it at least makes for a good story.

busymom0 7y ago
What would you change if you were to build a new dating app to disrupt the market?
- i_am_proteus 7y ago
  Human nature.
- dvt 7y ago
  I have a lot of thoughts on this, so excuse the long post (maybe I'll write a blog post on it at some point): First, there's a clear (and artificial) skewing of supply-demand curves. There are probably like 30 (active) guys for every 1 (active) girl on these apps (looking at you, Tinder). This creates an imbalance where women are incredibly selective while men end up being incredibly non-selective (e.g. swipe right on everything). Clearly, this needs to be addressed -- this "marketplace" is a sham. Second of all, a lot of women (but also men) use dating apps to increase their social following (be it Snapchat or Instagram). This probably only pertains to people in their 20s or 30s, but it's a huge problem when trying to seriously find someone to date. Third -- the botpocalypse. About 70% of my matches on Tinder this past year (I actually quit all dating apps around 4 months ago) have been bots. Not sure if this is a tractable problem, but after a while, it just gets old. At this point, matching with bots is a meme on /r/Tinder, for example. Fourth, there needs to be an in-app incentive to meet in real life. I feel that my generation (millennials) are kind of broken. I blow people's minds when I tell them that I work remotely at a coffee shop and started making friends with people there, hanging out, etc. In other words, we absolutely suck at real-life social interaction. So we need these apps to "nudge" in the right direction. A potential solution would be a cross between a meetup and a date. Fifth, I think hookup culture really is starting to show its dark side. Tinder was very popular as a hookup app a few years ago, but nowadays it's more or less abandoned. People actually want deep and long-lasting connections. None of the apps out there really attempt to solve this. It's a tough problem to solve because building a relationship (like building a friendship) takes time. Anyway, these are some issues I have with dating apps off the top of my head. I will say that it also probably doesn't help that I live in LA, which is a pretty superficial city to begin with. But the women are gorgeous, so I probably shouldn't complain :)

mayank 7y ago

It really depends on what flavor of spam you’re trying to date.

Glyptodon 7y ago

Met current long term GF (~1.5 yrs) on CMB. It didn't have a ton of matches/users in my area but those it did have were more into dating with an eye towards finding a long term relationship. Besides that I found it pretty easy to consistently get a date or two a week with Tinder, but it was a chore in terms of time spent to do so. It also resulted in a lot of not quite right matches that I felt mixed about, like people who were amazing but didn't really have compatible (with me) life directions/goals. Bumble was the most useless dating site I tried. Everything seemed to be more about image and posturing than actually dating. At the time okCupid was in the midst of changing from a decent site for people who still used desktops and web browsers and liked longform text to a bad version of tinder, which I assume it is now. Assume things have changed a bit by now so of course YMMV.

odiroot 7y ago

I met my current partner on Tinder but I just didn't bother to look in my current place of residence. I wouldn't recommend Tinder to anyone though.

kkarakk 7y ago

Every country has a different combination of dating apps that people end up using. Hell if you're in the middle east, different subsections of the population use different dating apps...

skocznymroczny 7y ago

If you're looking for hookup, and you're attractive, Tinder works well. If you're looking for dating, OKCupid works well, but you need to work fast. Arrange a meetup/coffee date within 3-4 messages. If you talk to someone for weeks without meeting, it's unlikely you'll get anywhere.