4 ms·

It can also be not entirely or to any degree selfish. Depending on the particular state one is in, the world can be like a place where one is only causing harm,

It can also be not entirely or to any degree selfish. Depending on the particular state one is in, the world can be like a place where one is only causing harm, no good. Friends and family suffer because of oneself, one is betraying work and society and one is also constantly disappointing the once beloved pet. It really can be an act of "whelp if everyone is better of without me, then...", it can be an altruistic thought in a really twisted way that stems from a highly disturbed sense of selfworth. I have been there, and it was not all about me, I was genuinely convinced I would make the world a worse place in every way, that every person loving me is fooled etc.

bloodorange 7y ago
I can feel so much pain from that description and I truly hope you are doing well mate!
- schwurb 7y ago
  Thank you! It was absurdly much pain, esp. considering it started at age 9. It is not a place where I wish anybody, and I can't imagine I will ever suffer anything comparable. But good news: I decided to live (religion played and plays a role, with interesting implications on "Good God vs Suffering"), at 18, I felt like I have a fresh start, at 23 I got therapy, now at my mid-twenties I am able to deal with my episodes well, stopping most of them before they begin (comes down to stress management). It was hell. But I enjoy my life now, and I learned many lessons in that time. My past is part of me and I can use even my past for good. I try to be a role model for the people that deal with depression around me (and maybe later academia). There is very good news for people with depression: Once one decides to get help, there is a lot of well-researched therapy (& medications if needed) around. Chances of recovery and depression management are high. And it is a field where great progress is made. Thank you for you wishes! I can only encourage anyone with depression and similar problems to seek help - it does not bother the therapists and can improve life in ways not imaginable!

bloodorange 7y ago

I can feel so much pain from that description and I truly hope you are doing well mate!

schwurb 7y ago
Thank you! It was absurdly much pain, esp. considering it started at age 9. It is not a place where I wish anybody, and I can't imagine I will ever suffer anything comparable. But good news: I decided to live (religion played and plays a role, with interesting implications on "Good God vs Suffering"), at 18, I felt like I have a fresh start, at 23 I got therapy, now at my mid-twenties I am able to deal with my episodes well, stopping most of them before they begin (comes down to stress management). It was hell. But I enjoy my life now, and I learned many lessons in that time. My past is part of me and I can use even my past for good. I try to be a role model for the people that deal with depression around me (and maybe later academia). There is very good news for people with depression: Once one decides to get help, there is a lot of well-researched therapy (& medications if needed) around. Chances of recovery and depression management are high. And it is a field where great progress is made. Thank you for you wishes! I can only encourage anyone with depression and similar problems to seek help - it does not bother the therapists and can improve life in ways not imaginable!