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I once encountered someone who was contemplating jumping from a bridge. My immediate response was to keep him talking, no matter what, because I just didn't kno
by dazc 7y ago
I once encountered someone who was contemplating jumping from a bridge. My immediate response was to keep him talking, no matter what, because I just didn't know what else to do? Everything I said agitated him more, to the point where he actually ran across the road to the other side of the bridge to get away from me.
Fortunately, I managed to flag down a passing ambulance and a paramedic intervened. This seemed to calm things down for a while until the police arrived.
However, one of the officers had the same effect as I had and the situation became quite desperate. His female colleague intervened though and that's when the situation turned around.
I ended up sitting in the ambulance with the paramedics while the drama unfolded. Eventually, the policewoman came over and said the guy was willing to get into the ambulance so long as 'that man' is not there (meaning me). So I bid my farewell to my new paramedic friends and left the scene.
I doubt he was going to jump initially but I wonder, if it was left to just me, whether the outcome would have been more tragic?
- yread 7y agoWow must have been tough for you. Sometimes the chemistry just works the other way I guess. Good on you for trying though. Have you noticed what were the others doing differently?
- dazc 7y agoNoticeably, the policewoman kept a fair distance away while talking to the guy and didn't move forward until he'd given her permission to do so. Her general demeanour was calm and respectful and you could see the positive effect this had almost immediately. Unlike me and her colleague who did, more or less, the exact opposite.
- TheSpiceIsLife 7y agoCan you describe your emotional state? Do you think it differed at all to the paramedics and policewoman?
- dazc 7y agoYes, panic. As opposed to calmly dealing with an everyday situation. The policewoman did have the advantage of being able to close the bridge to traffic though, which also helped calm things down.
- kqr 7y agoThis is very important. I have had the most success when the other person feels in control at all times. Think approaching a wild horse, not saving a baby from a burning building. Unfortunately, it is also counter to intuition for many, who just want to help and tend to swarm around the problem.
- NLips 7y agoDon't think about approaching. There's nothing you can do if you're next to them that you can't do at a distance. In particular, you should never try to physically stop someone jumping (who is already on an edge). Given that, you may as well keep your distance anyway. The most important thing is to listen.
- kqr 7y agoSometimes being able to talk in a normal conversational tone is preferable to screaming over a distance.
- Kneecaps07 7y agoMaybe he disliked you so much that it made the female officer seem that much better. In the end, he didn't jump. Sounds like you got a win to me.
- mrguyorama 7y agoThere's a reason many country's police forces get trained for deescalation. It's not a natural or easy thing to do for most people
- hubert1234 7y agoI think you cant take that person's word for what was actually going on in that situation. Somebody that still gets so angry about other people never wanted to kill themselves in the first place, in my opinion. They happily jumped on the option that you are annoying and so that's the escape out of that situation.
- DanBC 7y ago> never wanted to kill themselves in the first place, in my opinion This is a dangerous myth and it kills people. https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/support-and-information/worried-about-someone-else/myths-about-suicide/ https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/support-and-infor...
- avip 7y agoAs a pointless counter-story, I almost ran over a dude laying in the middle of a highway. Another driver and me pulled off, drugged him to the sidewalk (he was heavy and strong, but not violent per-ce), and we sat on him until police came as he was obviously trying to run back into the cars. [this story has no lesson, sorry]
- r_singh 7y agodragged him* I guess
- avip 7y agoThanks
- deleted 7y ago[deleted]
- jwilk 7y agoper se
- inimino 7y agoLesson is sometimes sitting on a dude works when talking doesn't?
- proverbialbunny 7y agoAs another semi-pointless counter-story, I was in SF once at a red light and I noticed a guy jumping out at cars on the road, but not actually moving towards them, just lifting his arms up and flailing. So, my teenage self decided to teach this guy a lesson. When I started driving towards him, before he could jump at me I turned my car at him and drove right in his direction. It scared him half to death and he jumped backwards.
- cm2187 7y agoWhat is the right approach in that situation? My intuition would be humour, trying to dedramatise, make the person feel the absurdity of the act. But I have no idea of whether that would make things worse.
- dazc 7y agoI tried pointing out the absurdity and it didn't have the desired effect. At one point I said 'what can be so bad that you want to do this to yourself' and he said his son had just died. What do you say after that?
- gimboland 7y agoWell, you start by saying you hear him and see his pain, that that is an utterly awful thing to happen to anybody, and that while you can't imagine what he's going through, it is completely understandable that he would be feeling so desperate in such circumstances. Acknowledgement is important. After that... that's the tricky bit. _Maybe_, you might say that while it feels right now like there's no hope, that that won't last forever. _Maybe_ you might suggest that his son wouldn't have wanted him to do this. But anything that sniffs of manipulation is dangerous ground, I think. The first part though, the acknowledgement, that's step one in speaking with anyone in emotional distress.
- Nextgrid 7y agoYou could tell him that if he proceeds he'd inflict the same pain he's in now to his friends & relatives. Maybe that would work?
- ambicapter 7y agoholy god please don't ever talk to a suicidal person in a manner designed to guilt or shame them ever.
- thaumasiotes 7y agoWhy not?
- raducu 7y agoMaybe it was just the fact he wanted to talk to a female and not a male if he was a male himself? Perhaps it made it less threatening, like when two strange dogs meet, if they are the same sex they will usually bark at each other, but if they are of opposite sex the tolerate each other better?
- inimino 7y agoOr it could have been an example of the well-known effect that women are generally peacemakers and men and generally the ones who start wars.
- hedgew 7y agoI worry that if the "keep them talking" -heuristic becomes widespread enough, we'll experience a cultural evolution where people flat out refuse to talk. If you know the main strategy of your opponent it to get you talking, your most obvious strategy is to not talk.
- mrguyorama 7y agoI'm not convinced. Plenty of suicidal situations are not already sure of what they want, and random passer-bys trying to help are not necessarily "opponents" in this situation. Sometimes (often?) it really is just a cry for help, and talking to a stranger is someone answering that cry
- deleted 7y ago[deleted]