A little anecdote on being an Apple consumer but first some caveats: 1) I own a lot of Apple kit and I love my iMac so don't take this as some weird fanboy thi

A little anecdote on being an Apple consumer but first some caveats: 1) I own a lot of Apple kit and I love my iMac so don't take this as some weird fanboy thing 2) I hate Apple mice and I hate the Apple store, my story may explain why My story The introduction: So I've bought an iMac it's awesome and I love it but I have a MightyMouse which although it sounds great is fundamentally flawed. The flaw is quite simple, if you use it then it will no longer work. What, I hear you say, that doesn't sound very Apple after all their products are both beautiful and functional. I know I'm honestly as shocked as you are, I only buy Apple computers and to be honest if someone asks me what kind of computer they should buy the answer is simple, an Apple. So anyway here I am with an Apple MightyMouse, it looks beautiful and it works for a while but then all of a sudden the scrolly ball thing doesn't scroll in the right direction. I can scroll up, yay, but down, boo, that's not allowed and I am disappointed that my beautiful iMac is now a bit shit. Oh dear something's not working, at least I have Apple's legendary customer service to fall back on (yay - possibly): So I do what any sensible geek does (did I mention I'm a geek, in case you're curious I am), check the apple site and the internet in general to see what might be wrong. Yay once again it turns out this is a common problem with people who don't work in a clean room environment. Apparently if the MightyMouse is exposed to any kind of dirt/skin/life then after a while its sensitive little scrolly ball stops working. This sounds bad but it's OK you just have to turn the MightyMouse upside down and rub it forcefully against a piece of clean paper until it starts working again (I believe this is called cleaning in human circles but I imagine in the world of Apple it's called, removing the reality from perfection). My MightyMouse works again for a while ... A temporary solution turns out to not be permanent: Oh dear, I've used the turn upside down and rub against a clean piece of paper technique once too much. No matter how many times I try I can only scroll in one direction. Never mind I think I'll pop down to my local Apple store and they'll help (oh how I love that legendary Apple service). And so off to the Apple store I go: Fortunately I live in a large UK conurbation, this means my Apple store is only a few miles away. On arrival I'm greeted by a security guard, then some guy in a blue shirt appears and tries to sell me an iPhone. 'Hello there I say I've got a bit of a problem in that my mouse doesn't work' (offering the MightyMouse to him), this turns out to be an error blue shirts cannot do anything but sell oops. He backs away in fear and tells me that I must go upstairs to talk to the tech people ... It's ok I'm used to dealing with sales people so I smile and amble upstairs to shat seems to be some kind of indoctrination centre flanked by desks called 'Genius bars', seriously who the hell calls tech support geniuses, but hey if it makes them happy ... I try and get someone to fix my mouse: So I amble up to the nearest official looking person and explain the issue to the (mouse doesn't work seems simple to me) and they helpfully inform me that I need to talk to a genius. I'm not convinced a genius is required, after all a broken mouse is simply fixed by replacing it, but this guy seems convinced and he says that I need a pre-booked slot to talk to one of these geniuses so I ask if he could maybe fit me in, what with my problem being only a broken mouse surely it's simple replace mouse make customer happy. He is so helpful he offers to allow me onto a special genius bar waiver. I just have to wait about a half hour to talk to one. I get to talk to a genius: I wander around the Apple store, make some phone calls, consider buying some stuff then think better of it. After killing plenty of time my name appears on the pretty screens and some 'genius' accepts my communication. 'So what seems to be the problem', this is not what I expected from a genius but hey, I explain that my mouse doesn't work (I should point out that I've already explained this to every Apple employee I've experienced so far, as well as showing them the mouse and telling them exactly what I'd done to try and fix the problem). I explain the problem again ... he takes my MightyMouse picks up a clean piece of paper and rubs the mouse against the paper. I am shocked to observe that this doesn't fix the problem, more worryingly so is he ... I try and get a replacement mouse (you know like you would with any company if the thing they'd sold you didn't work): My personal genius is shocked, apparently the mouse doesn't work. I am not so shocked and ask if he can replace it, what with us being in an Apple store full of Apple goodness. Oh no says my personal genius, this is an OEM mouse, comes with the iMac you bought and we don't have any of them. hmmmmm How about the Apple MightyMouse I can see in a box just over there that you'll happily sell me? Oh no we can't possibly give you that it's not the right product says he ... I am I admit at this point a little disillusioned. I turned up with a broken mouse and thought I could just replace it, turns out that's not the Apple way. I'm palmed off with the offer of an replacement: So the genius can't replace my mouse, he needs to put in a special order. But I don't need to worry because their next delivery is imminent and he'll have a new mouse ready for me in a few days. I thought I just needed a new mouse, turns out I need a very specific new mouse but that's ok I'm a patient man. Apparently someone will contact me the moment my new mouse is available, then I can enjoy the Apple experience once more by returning to the shop and picking it up. I wait: No one calls I wait some more: No one calls (seriously this is two weeks after I was told I'd have the mouse in a few days) I lose patience: So I march to the Apple store, someone tries to sell me an iPhone and I ignore them. I find someone in an orange shirt (these seem to be the be the power brokers in Apple stores) and explain my situation (I am very annoyed). Fortunately because of Apple's legendary support I am fast tracked to a genius bar appointment. I repeat my experience in a surprisingly light hearted manner (see above) and offer the offending mouse to him. I am not joking when I say that his reaction was to take a piece of clean paper and rub the ball thing against the clean paper for fully thirty seconds before uttering the immortal words 'Seems like it's broken'. I didn't kill him or anyone in the near vicinity, he did however explain that they had no OEM parts available to replace my mouse. I explained my story so far and he, I imagine breaking company policy, gave me a new mouse. I wasn't happy but at least I had a mouse that worked. I get annoying phonecalls: So I have a mouse that works (for now, god knows what I'm going to do when this one fails due to the fact I don't live in a reality free zone) and all of sudden I start getting messages from my local Apple store. 'Hi mister blah we've just got your apple mouse in stock we'd love it if you could make an appointment to come and pick it up' Argh, I have my mouse. It was a nightmare getting it and you don't even know that I've got it ... I hate apple: I used to love apple. Seriously I still love the hardware but the customer service sucks. I remember when apple would collect and return your laptops, now you're lucky if they spit in your face and tell you their mice are shit. Seriously do I seem bitter: I know it's only a mouse but for the love of god why not just replace it ....