5 ms·

Where can adults living with this kind of thing, like extreme bullying or psychopathy, get help moving on to better their lives?

a3n 7y ago
A really good first step can be your doctor, who can lay out options and resources. Think of them as a knowledgeable first responder. It worked for me.
- wallace_f 7y ago
  Don't have a doctor. What kind of things were they able to suggest which was helpful?
  - jezclaremurugan 7y ago
    May not be a popular advice - but try a church. If you have reservations about religion you can let them know, but more often than not - there is a welcoming community and in local church groups you'd find a bunch of folks who are willing to go an extra mile for someone else and most of them do really care. Obvious disclaimer - do watch out that they do not end up exploiting your vulnerabilities - there are known cases where that unfortunately happens as predators are everywhere.
  - a3n 7y ago
    Everyone's depression is their own, and what works for one may not work for another. And, what doesn't work for one may yet work for another. So the specific things that worked (and didn't work) for me may be different for you. Be open minded and critical, and don't be surprised if you have to try a few things. That said, the first thing that helped was the validation that came from talking to someone that, in my mind at least, had some broad knowledge of the subject, and knew enough to listen critically, to see whether I was in immediate crisis (I was). The two things we tried first are often the two "go to's", an anti depressant (citalopram, an SSRI) and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_reuptake_inhibitor https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_reuptake... https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy Different categories of anti depressants work through different mechanisms. I got lucky, my ssri began to work almost immediately; usually it takes a couple weeks to see any effect, if any, good or bad. I didn't fare well with CBT, I think because I'm too cynical, and I could "see the magic trick" that I was trying to play on myself. Which is the wrong way to think of it, but I couldn't help it. So I stopped that. But it has helped lots of people. I'm not saying these two things are what will help you. But you asked. The doc also suggested vitamins D, which I still take, and B something, which I stopped because it makes my pee smell really bad. He also prescribed an anti anxiety drug for the immediate crisis, which I filled but never used. And we discussed immediate crisis resources like 911. My remedies are almost not important. The main thing was that I got validation (lots of self doubt when you're depressed), and the relief and hope that comes from taking action.
DoreenMichele 7y ago
I do what I can to share useful information. In addition to to speaking out on HN, I blog about things like homelessness and LGBTQ issues. If you wish, I could direct you to some of my writing. Beyond that, I don't personally know. "The System" tends to not have good answers.
- wallace_f 7y ago
  Personally, if anyone cares, the most important thing someone like me needs eyes on them to keep accountability against abuse. Basically I need help defending my right to peace, civil rights. Empowerment, opportunity come second, I think. I don't know much about the system. I'm not interested or in-need of explicit welfare or handouts, and everything else was a massive waste of time. Hate and abuse, tyranny, bullying, whatever you call it I think can happen to anyone, or any group, but it usually happens to people who were weak, or who experienced it before. Once it happens more than once you become such a target for opportunists, and pariah for everyone else who is "just following their self-interest." I honestly don't even know what the best thing to do is.
  - deleted 7y ago
    [deleted]
travisjungroth 7y ago
I don’t know of any catch all resource. Is this something going on right now, or in your past? If it’s right now, the focus will be on separating yourself from the problem. If it’s the past, then that’s recovery. If you send me an email (my last name at gmail) I could point you to some things that helped me and could apply to your situation.
- wallace_f 7y ago
  It is hard to explain everything, but it started when I was a teenager and talked to people at my school about abuse at home. My father hired a team of lawyers after that and they cut a deal with child services which had me shipped off into the Troubled Teen Industry. There I experienced the start of this pattern of abuse and a cult of personality of put downs to me started. It sounds crazy, but I had some authorities there just telling me put downs all the time, like it was a scene from a movie about certain math prodigy at Harvard. When I was 18 I was taken out of there and then just homeless. By my mid-20s I had a lot of problems with extreme bullying again and unexplainable negativity towards me, but after a short stint with homelessness again I moved to a new city, applied for some jobs and got up to a about 80-90k compensation within a year there. Then I started having problems again with stalking and apparent intent to harm me. This probably reads as unreal, unbelievable. If I didn't know better and read someone write this on the internet, I'd think it reads like the person has paranoid delusions, mental illness.
  - schwurb 7y ago
    Hey there! I am sorry for what you have been through so far. Since I am to go soon, I will keep it short: 1) I heavily suggest going into counceling. The change of behaviour and self concept needed might be too much to manage on your own. 2) It is a unfortunate, but well-researched phenomenon that perpetuators go for a certain type of personality that expresses itself by way of talking an non-verbal communication. There is also such a thing as bad, bad luck, but social dynamics also play a role. This is an area where you can likely improve aswell: Recognizing your feelings, others feeling and actions, and what is okay and not okay for you, Gotta go now, all the best tho! Your problems seem treatable to me, but it might take time. You can do this.

a3n 7y ago

A really good first step can be your doctor, who can lay out options and resources. Think of them as a knowledgeable first responder. It worked for me.

wallace_f 7y ago
Don't have a doctor. What kind of things were they able to suggest which was helpful?
- jezclaremurugan 7y ago
  May not be a popular advice - but try a church. If you have reservations about religion you can let them know, but more often than not - there is a welcoming community and in local church groups you'd find a bunch of folks who are willing to go an extra mile for someone else and most of them do really care. Obvious disclaimer - do watch out that they do not end up exploiting your vulnerabilities - there are known cases where that unfortunately happens as predators are everywhere.
- a3n 7y ago
  Everyone's depression is their own, and what works for one may not work for another. And, what doesn't work for one may yet work for another. So the specific things that worked (and didn't work) for me may be different for you. Be open minded and critical, and don't be surprised if you have to try a few things. That said, the first thing that helped was the validation that came from talking to someone that, in my mind at least, had some broad knowledge of the subject, and knew enough to listen critically, to see whether I was in immediate crisis (I was). The two things we tried first are often the two "go to's", an anti depressant (citalopram, an SSRI) and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_reuptake_inhibitor https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_reuptake... https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy Different categories of anti depressants work through different mechanisms. I got lucky, my ssri began to work almost immediately; usually it takes a couple weeks to see any effect, if any, good or bad. I didn't fare well with CBT, I think because I'm too cynical, and I could "see the magic trick" that I was trying to play on myself. Which is the wrong way to think of it, but I couldn't help it. So I stopped that. But it has helped lots of people. I'm not saying these two things are what will help you. But you asked. The doc also suggested vitamins D, which I still take, and B something, which I stopped because it makes my pee smell really bad. He also prescribed an anti anxiety drug for the immediate crisis, which I filled but never used. And we discussed immediate crisis resources like 911. My remedies are almost not important. The main thing was that I got validation (lots of self doubt when you're depressed), and the relief and hope that comes from taking action.

DoreenMichele 7y ago

I do what I can to share useful information. In addition to to speaking out on HN, I blog about things like homelessness and LGBTQ issues. If you wish, I could direct you to some of my writing. Beyond that, I don't personally know. "The System" tends to not have good answers.

wallace_f 7y ago
Personally, if anyone cares, the most important thing someone like me needs eyes on them to keep accountability against abuse. Basically I need help defending my right to peace, civil rights. Empowerment, opportunity come second, I think. I don't know much about the system. I'm not interested or in-need of explicit welfare or handouts, and everything else was a massive waste of time. Hate and abuse, tyranny, bullying, whatever you call it I think can happen to anyone, or any group, but it usually happens to people who were weak, or who experienced it before. Once it happens more than once you become such a target for opportunists, and pariah for everyone else who is "just following their self-interest." I honestly don't even know what the best thing to do is.
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]

travisjungroth 7y ago

I don’t know of any catch all resource. Is this something going on right now, or in your past? If it’s right now, the focus will be on separating yourself from the problem. If it’s the past, then that’s recovery. If you send me an email (my last name at gmail) I could point you to some things that helped me and could apply to your situation.

wallace_f 7y ago
It is hard to explain everything, but it started when I was a teenager and talked to people at my school about abuse at home. My father hired a team of lawyers after that and they cut a deal with child services which had me shipped off into the Troubled Teen Industry. There I experienced the start of this pattern of abuse and a cult of personality of put downs to me started. It sounds crazy, but I had some authorities there just telling me put downs all the time, like it was a scene from a movie about certain math prodigy at Harvard. When I was 18 I was taken out of there and then just homeless. By my mid-20s I had a lot of problems with extreme bullying again and unexplainable negativity towards me, but after a short stint with homelessness again I moved to a new city, applied for some jobs and got up to a about 80-90k compensation within a year there. Then I started having problems again with stalking and apparent intent to harm me. This probably reads as unreal, unbelievable. If I didn't know better and read someone write this on the internet, I'd think it reads like the person has paranoid delusions, mental illness.
- schwurb 7y ago
  Hey there! I am sorry for what you have been through so far. Since I am to go soon, I will keep it short: 1) I heavily suggest going into counceling. The change of behaviour and self concept needed might be too much to manage on your own. 2) It is a unfortunate, but well-researched phenomenon that perpetuators go for a certain type of personality that expresses itself by way of talking an non-verbal communication. There is also such a thing as bad, bad luck, but social dynamics also play a role. This is an area where you can likely improve aswell: Recognizing your feelings, others feeling and actions, and what is okay and not okay for you, Gotta go now, all the best tho! Your problems seem treatable to me, but it might take time. You can do this.