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I see several people suggesting that men should get more hobbies in order to meet with other guys, the issue is, hobbies don't form deep friendships (much of th

I see several people suggesting that men should get more hobbies in order to meet with other guys, the issue is, hobbies don't form deep friendships (much of the time). You just end up talking about the hobby and nothing else. At least that's how I feel. Talking about anything more than the hobby suddenly becomes unusual.

zamfi 7y ago
Developing a deep friendship outside of shared interests is a skill some people need to build, not everyone has it built in. Sometimes it involves a little awkwardness initially. Don’t let that hold you back.
scarface74 7y ago
I’m very uncomfortable talking about anything in my personal life besides shallow platitudes with almost anyone. The two guys I can talk about personal issues with I’ve known for 27 and 10 years respectively. For instance with these two, we talk about everything - our marriages, our careers and even what we make and what we have saved. I would never talk to most people about that type of stuff. Among other reasons there is a certain taboo about it and you have to worry about jealousy, but one is a software developer and we have worked together at three separate jobs and the other is a well compensated manager at one of the big tech companies. My wife and I both have to be careful about sharing even the smallest things about our lives like our vacations, our hobbies, etc because we are better off financially than most of our friends and family - not bragging as a software engineer and part of a dual income couple , statistically we would be. And the typical male loves talking about sports. I really don’t care about sports as far as having any type of team affiliation. I can watch sports for the athleticism.
RickS 7y ago
My experience is that a hobby gives a pretense for communication – which is an opportunity for depth, but not a guarantee. "Oh yeah, X guitar is so sick" is a shallow conversation. vs "Yeah, I've always had a soft spot for the strat. My best friend's dad was a luthier, and I'd always be in his shop when things got rough at home" Now you've got an opportunity to talk about something a little more real. A somewhat dark example, but... I find that returns on depth are a function of vulnerability invested. Tastefully, of course. Don't puke your trauma on the first date. But it's fear of opening up, at least in my experience, that keeps male relationships in the HobbyZone.

zamfi 7y ago

Developing a deep friendship outside of shared interests is a skill some people need to build, not everyone has it built in. Sometimes it involves a little awkwardness initially. Don’t let that hold you back.

scarface74 7y ago

I’m very uncomfortable talking about anything in my personal life besides shallow platitudes with almost anyone. The two guys I can talk about personal issues with I’ve known for 27 and 10 years respectively. For instance with these two, we talk about everything - our marriages, our careers and even what we make and what we have saved. I would never talk to most people about that type of stuff. Among other reasons there is a certain taboo about it and you have to worry about jealousy, but one is a software developer and we have worked together at three separate jobs and the other is a well compensated manager at one of the big tech companies. My wife and I both have to be careful about sharing even the smallest things about our lives like our vacations, our hobbies, etc because we are better off financially than most of our friends and family - not bragging as a software engineer and part of a dual income couple , statistically we would be. And the typical male loves talking about sports. I really don’t care about sports as far as having any type of team affiliation. I can watch sports for the athleticism.

RickS 7y ago

My experience is that a hobby gives a pretense for communication – which is an opportunity for depth, but not a guarantee. "Oh yeah, X guitar is so sick" is a shallow conversation. vs "Yeah, I've always had a soft spot for the strat. My best friend's dad was a luthier, and I'd always be in his shop when things got rough at home" Now you've got an opportunity to talk about something a little more real. A somewhat dark example, but... I find that returns on depth are a function of vulnerability invested. Tastefully, of course. Don't puke your trauma on the first date. But it's fear of opening up, at least in my experience, that keeps male relationships in the HobbyZone.