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So much this! I am happily married but my wife understands that I tend to connect better with female friends than males. It took some time for me to reject th

by orasis 7y ago

So much this! I am happily married but my wife understands that I tend to connect better with female friends than males. It took some time for me to reject the social taboo of a married male hanging out with platonic women friends but I’ve been so much happier for it.

intrasight 7y ago
I don't think there is a social taboo - I think it's more of a self-imposed taboo because we've been told forever that men and woman can't just be friends. I've found that if you are clear that you just want to be friends then there is no discomfort, and they will treat you nearly exactly the same as they treat there female friends. They will share their feelings, their concerns, their aspirations. That what needs to happen to be good friends. And you need to share also! Oh, and be prepared for lots of these friends sending signals that they would like to be more than friends. How you handle that is obviously up to you.
- hamandcheese 7y ago
  > Oh, and be prepared for lots of these friends sending signals that they would like to be more than friends. How you handle that is obviously up to you. That’s exactly why it’s difficult. This doesn’t happen with my male friends.
  - intrasight 7y ago
    Oh, it can happen with male friends too ;) In my case at the moment I am still married so I have that shield. I will lose that when I get divorced.
- scarface74 7y ago
  The issue with having “platonic” female friends is that it can easily lead to emotionally infidelity and trust issues anytime there is a hint of any issues with your marriage. Maintaining a healthy marriage is hard enough without bringing in that complication. My only female friends these days are married and we are “couple friends”.
  - intrasight 7y ago
    You reach an age (I have) where that's just no longer an issue.
  - orasis 7y ago
    This may be good advice in general but it’s not a problem for us. I have a pretty good radar for when emotional intimacy starts to cross a line and I’m comfortable communicating boundaries.
- nickfromseattle 7y ago
  > I think it's more of a self-imposed taboo because we've been told forever that men and woman can't just be friends. It's pretty interesting to think that men and women being friends is a very recent phenomenon, maybe starting in the 70s. Before then, you got married at 19 or a similarly young age, and it wasn't appropriate to be friends with another man's wife.

by orasis 7y ago

intrasight 7y ago

I don't think there is a social taboo - I think it's more of a self-imposed taboo because we've been told forever that men and woman can't just be friends. I've found that if you are clear that you just want to be friends then there is no discomfort, and they will treat you nearly exactly the same as they treat there female friends. They will share their feelings, their concerns, their aspirations. That what needs to happen to be good friends. And you need to share also! Oh, and be prepared for lots of these friends sending signals that they would like to be more than friends. How you handle that is obviously up to you.

hamandcheese 7y ago
> Oh, and be prepared for lots of these friends sending signals that they would like to be more than friends. How you handle that is obviously up to you. That’s exactly why it’s difficult. This doesn’t happen with my male friends.
- intrasight 7y ago
  Oh, it can happen with male friends too ;) In my case at the moment I am still married so I have that shield. I will lose that when I get divorced.
scarface74 7y ago
The issue with having “platonic” female friends is that it can easily lead to emotionally infidelity and trust issues anytime there is a hint of any issues with your marriage. Maintaining a healthy marriage is hard enough without bringing in that complication. My only female friends these days are married and we are “couple friends”.
- intrasight 7y ago
  You reach an age (I have) where that's just no longer an issue.
- orasis 7y ago
  This may be good advice in general but it’s not a problem for us. I have a pretty good radar for when emotional intimacy starts to cross a line and I’m comfortable communicating boundaries.
nickfromseattle 7y ago
> I think it's more of a self-imposed taboo because we've been told forever that men and woman can't just be friends. It's pretty interesting to think that men and women being friends is a very recent phenomenon, maybe starting in the 70s. Before then, you got married at 19 or a similarly young age, and it wasn't appropriate to be friends with another man's wife.