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Is being lonely really that bad? I like being lonely, not that it makes me happy, as a matter of fact it may be opposite but I really didn't like when I was not

Is being lonely really that bad? I like being lonely, not that it makes me happy, as a matter of fact it may be opposite but I really didn't like when I was not lonely (or) say when I had to socialise, indulge in the small-talk just for the sake of it; I felt like having to constantly fake emotions and have insincere conversations. I've almost completely cut off any realtime communication and my current lifestyle seems like a luxury which I had been missing earlier. This has helped me to focus on things which I would like to do.

zzzcpan 7y ago
It's not a real objective feeling, so no, it's not bad, it's subjective.
hutzlibu 7y ago
Try socialice wih people like yourself. Then you don't have to pretend emotions and only talk about things you actually care fore.
- Kkoala 7y ago
  If it only was so easy :(
  - Abishek_Muthian 7y ago
    More so when you're physically challenged, having interests which are alien to the locality and with opinions which are not synonymous with the society.
    - hutzlibu 7y ago
      Have you considered moving to a different place? But yes, when you are also physically challenged, that is even more hard.
      - Abishek_Muthian 7y ago
        I've been giving it a serous thought lately, if I cannot break out this loop then I guess there's no other choice.
        hutzlibu 7y ago
        Don't move out of desperation, though, with no clear head. Moving costs energy (and money) as well. So be sure, that the new place is a better fit for you. On the other hand .. do not overthink it. If you find a new place and it feels good - do it. I moved this year with my pregnant wife from hell to maybe not paradiese, but pretty close, compared to the last place. It was a very sudden decision, quite close to birth and then action, action, action. But it was worth it, staying in the safe, but miserable comfort we had there .. it would have been misery. Now I enjoy ever day running woth my baby through the forest...
  - ericd 7y ago
    Meetups are pretty good for this, if you haven't been to one.
simion314 7y ago
It depends, for me it is not a problem most of the time but there are periods where it affects me.
kempbellt 7y ago
You are describing being "alone", not being "lonely". Lonely, is defined as "sad because one has no friends or company". Which I would say is unfortunately common in the modern world, where we believe the internet to connect people, but in reality it socially isolates. Alone, simply meaning "having no one else present", is not that bad, no, until you start to feel lonely. I enjoy alone time for the same reasons you describe. However, too much of it leads to feelings of loneliness. An ironic aside. I think many people, deep down, would rather feel slightly annoyed by turning down or avoiding social situations with friends, than to not have those situations available to them in the first place.
- Abishek_Muthian 7y ago
  You're correct, by your definition I'm both alone and lonely. Lonely makes me sad but has improved productivity, where as socializing gave me what I would describe as 'Short term happiness which seemed fake & ridden with guilt later'.
  - lolinder 7y ago
    That doesn't sound like a very healthy outlook on life. Trading social belonging for productivity is a Faustian deal if I've ever seen one, and a deal likely to lead to burnout and depression. If socializing leaves you ridden with guilt for lost productivity, I'd recommend a paradigm shift.
    - Abishek_Muthian 7y ago
      Not guilty for lost productivity, but for having to fake emotions, showing interest in conversations which I have no real interest and most of all feeling powerless to cure problems of people when they tell about it.
      - kempbellt 7y ago
        Food for thought. Have you tried interacting socially without faking your emotions, pretending to be interested in things you aren't, and not trying to cure other peoples' problems?
mmcnl 7y ago
Aren't you conflating "alone" and "lonely"? I think there's an important difference.

zzzcpan 7y ago

It's not a real objective feeling, so no, it's not bad, it's subjective.

hutzlibu 7y ago

Try socialice wih people like yourself. Then you don't have to pretend emotions and only talk about things you actually care fore.

Kkoala 7y ago
If it only was so easy :(
- Abishek_Muthian 7y ago
  More so when you're physically challenged, having interests which are alien to the locality and with opinions which are not synonymous with the society.
  - hutzlibu 7y ago
    Have you considered moving to a different place? But yes, when you are also physically challenged, that is even more hard.
    - Abishek_Muthian 7y ago
      I've been giving it a serous thought lately, if I cannot break out this loop then I guess there's no other choice.
      - hutzlibu 7y ago
        Don't move out of desperation, though, with no clear head. Moving costs energy (and money) as well. So be sure, that the new place is a better fit for you. On the other hand .. do not overthink it. If you find a new place and it feels good - do it. I moved this year with my pregnant wife from hell to maybe not paradiese, but pretty close, compared to the last place. It was a very sudden decision, quite close to birth and then action, action, action. But it was worth it, staying in the safe, but miserable comfort we had there .. it would have been misery. Now I enjoy ever day running woth my baby through the forest...
- ericd 7y ago
  Meetups are pretty good for this, if you haven't been to one.

simion314 7y ago

It depends, for me it is not a problem most of the time but there are periods where it affects me.

kempbellt 7y ago

You are describing being "alone", not being "lonely". Lonely, is defined as "sad because one has no friends or company". Which I would say is unfortunately common in the modern world, where we believe the internet to connect people, but in reality it socially isolates. Alone, simply meaning "having no one else present", is not that bad, no, until you start to feel lonely. I enjoy alone time for the same reasons you describe. However, too much of it leads to feelings of loneliness. An ironic aside. I think many people, deep down, would rather feel slightly annoyed by turning down or avoiding social situations with friends, than to not have those situations available to them in the first place.

Abishek_Muthian 7y ago
You're correct, by your definition I'm both alone and lonely. Lonely makes me sad but has improved productivity, where as socializing gave me what I would describe as 'Short term happiness which seemed fake & ridden with guilt later'.
- lolinder 7y ago
  That doesn't sound like a very healthy outlook on life. Trading social belonging for productivity is a Faustian deal if I've ever seen one, and a deal likely to lead to burnout and depression. If socializing leaves you ridden with guilt for lost productivity, I'd recommend a paradigm shift.
  - Abishek_Muthian 7y ago
    Not guilty for lost productivity, but for having to fake emotions, showing interest in conversations which I have no real interest and most of all feeling powerless to cure problems of people when they tell about it.
    - kempbellt 7y ago
      Food for thought. Have you tried interacting socially without faking your emotions, pretending to be interested in things you aren't, and not trying to cure other peoples' problems?

mmcnl 7y ago

Aren't you conflating "alone" and "lonely"? I think there's an important difference.