5 ms·

Well they were probably born with a golden spoon in their mouthes...

DanI-S 16y ago
They also probably have lawyers begging them to proceed. They're the real winners in any situation like this.
JabavuAdams 16y ago
This has been on my mind recently. If I meet my financial goals, how do I prevent my child from turning into a helpless person who just couldn't possibly live on less than she was accustomed to, growing up? I didn't really want for anything as a kid, but my parents weren't extravagant. Nevertheless, it did set a kind of baseline for me. The problem is once you scale up, it's very hard to scale back down. I'm shocked by people who are struggling to live on $200 K+, but I suppose, perversely, it makes sense given what they've become accustomed to.
- JanezStupar 16y ago
  Give them enough that they can start anything but can't do nothing. Human being is meant to work hard, play hard and love hard to be happy. I have same thoughts - if I make what I've set out to do, how do I prevent spoiling my children. One answer would be to raise them in an ascetic fashion - short on consumer goods and long on interesting people and experiences.
  - JabavuAdams 16y ago
    I agree with these suggestions, but there's another huge component to the problem -- peer group. If all your peers are going on expensive vacations, to expensive restaurants etc, and you're not going then you can't really hang out with them. I.e. there're both perceived and real costs-of-entry to certain circles. As an independent-minded adult, this is easier to resist, but for a school-age kid it could be overwhelming.
    - JanezStupar 16y ago
      You can very much influence that. If you're a contrarian as you appear to be - don't send your kids to school where dominant culture is one you don't want them to belong to. You can still send them to a public school where backgrounds are varied. Coupled with informed perspective from an open minded parent that kind of experience is probably quite powerful in shaping a young mind. You could go a step further and home school them yourself - in that way you can completely control their socialization. Just beware that human psychology is extremely complex and the results will probably differ from expected in any case. I find it odd that people pile fortunes for their kids while claiming that they don't have time to teach them and spend time with them. When in reality your kids the your biggest insurance and investment of your life. What is a point of working whole day so you can pay another person to raise your kid? Who's kid are you raising then anyway?
      - JabavuAdams 16y ago
        > What is a point of working whole day so you can pay another person to raise your kid? Who's kid are you raising then anyway? Careful not to over-generalize. It's quite possible to be an involved parent, while still sending your kid to daycare etc. I'm not sure whether you've raised kids, but one thing about babies / toddlers is that in certain phases, they're absolutely relentless. You literally cannot take a 5 min break for 12 hours or so. That was a surprise to me. EDIT > Except when they're asleep. I do have similar feelings about nannies, though. Im sure there are great nannies out there, but what I typically see are glassy-eyed toddlers being wheeled around by nannies who are chatting on the cell phone. The kids get affection, but very little learning interaction. That can't compare with the kind of high-bandwidth learning a curious child can have with an involved parent and mentor. For a famous example, consider the special relationship that Feynman had with his father.
- rorrr 16y ago
  You would think $200K/year is a lot of fucking money, but it is really not that much, especially if you live in Manhattan. Here every shitty 1br apartment costs $800K+. Studios are $500K+. So just to buy a crappy small 1br would take you at least a decade of savings. Plus you'd have to pay $1k/month in maintenance for the rest of you life. And don't forget taxes, it's complete ass rape. I make 170-180K, and I can only afford to rent. I don't spend that pretty much on anything, I don't go out that often, but there's no fucking way I can afford to buy.
  - JabavuAdams 16y ago
    Right, but that's Manhattan -- one of the most famous and most expensive cities in the world. Because of the way you (we)'ve been socialized, you perhaps see owning as respectable and renting as vaguely disreputable. But, "only renting" in Manhattan is not like "only renting" pretty much anywhere else in the world. Not trying to be a jerk here, because I understand the desire is real. But essentially you're starting to feel entitled to live in Manhattan, without those pesky compromises. In exactly the same way, I'm starting to feel entitled to owning a nice house in a nice neighbourhood with good schools, that's not out in the suburbs, with spending money left over for books and computers, and ... Never mind that my neighbours have BMWs but I drive an old beater. My baseline (the things I'm not eager to compromise on) is already higher than what the vast majority of people in my country have. Every step is reasonable, but you can end up in a strange place. > Here every shitty 1br apartment costs $800K+. Daaamn. Here that buys you a 3 bedroom house in an exclusive neighbourhood in mid-town, on the main subway line.

They also probably have lawyers begging them to proceed. They're the real winners in any situation like this.

This has been on my mind recently. If I meet my financial goals, how do I prevent my child from turning into a helpless person who just couldn't possibly live on less than she was accustomed to, growing up? I didn't really want for anything as a kid, but my parents weren't extravagant. Nevertheless, it did set a kind of baseline for me. The problem is once you scale up, it's very hard to scale back down. I'm shocked by people who are struggling to live on $200 K+, but I suppose, perversely, it makes sense given what they've become accustomed to.

JanezStupar 16y ago
Give them enough that they can start anything but can't do nothing. Human being is meant to work hard, play hard and love hard to be happy. I have same thoughts - if I make what I've set out to do, how do I prevent spoiling my children. One answer would be to raise them in an ascetic fashion - short on consumer goods and long on interesting people and experiences.
- JabavuAdams 16y ago
  I agree with these suggestions, but there's another huge component to the problem -- peer group. If all your peers are going on expensive vacations, to expensive restaurants etc, and you're not going then you can't really hang out with them. I.e. there're both perceived and real costs-of-entry to certain circles. As an independent-minded adult, this is easier to resist, but for a school-age kid it could be overwhelming.
  - JanezStupar 16y ago
    You can very much influence that. If you're a contrarian as you appear to be - don't send your kids to school where dominant culture is one you don't want them to belong to. You can still send them to a public school where backgrounds are varied. Coupled with informed perspective from an open minded parent that kind of experience is probably quite powerful in shaping a young mind. You could go a step further and home school them yourself - in that way you can completely control their socialization. Just beware that human psychology is extremely complex and the results will probably differ from expected in any case. I find it odd that people pile fortunes for their kids while claiming that they don't have time to teach them and spend time with them. When in reality your kids the your biggest insurance and investment of your life. What is a point of working whole day so you can pay another person to raise your kid? Who's kid are you raising then anyway?
    - JabavuAdams 16y ago
      > What is a point of working whole day so you can pay another person to raise your kid? Who's kid are you raising then anyway? Careful not to over-generalize. It's quite possible to be an involved parent, while still sending your kid to daycare etc. I'm not sure whether you've raised kids, but one thing about babies / toddlers is that in certain phases, they're absolutely relentless. You literally cannot take a 5 min break for 12 hours or so. That was a surprise to me. EDIT > Except when they're asleep. I do have similar feelings about nannies, though. Im sure there are great nannies out there, but what I typically see are glassy-eyed toddlers being wheeled around by nannies who are chatting on the cell phone. The kids get affection, but very little learning interaction. That can't compare with the kind of high-bandwidth learning a curious child can have with an involved parent and mentor. For a famous example, consider the special relationship that Feynman had with his father.
rorrr 16y ago
You would think $200K/year is a lot of fucking money, but it is really not that much, especially if you live in Manhattan. Here every shitty 1br apartment costs $800K+. Studios are $500K+. So just to buy a crappy small 1br would take you at least a decade of savings. Plus you'd have to pay $1k/month in maintenance for the rest of you life. And don't forget taxes, it's complete ass rape. I make 170-180K, and I can only afford to rent. I don't spend that pretty much on anything, I don't go out that often, but there's no fucking way I can afford to buy.
- JabavuAdams 16y ago
  Right, but that's Manhattan -- one of the most famous and most expensive cities in the world. Because of the way you (we)'ve been socialized, you perhaps see owning as respectable and renting as vaguely disreputable. But, "only renting" in Manhattan is not like "only renting" pretty much anywhere else in the world. Not trying to be a jerk here, because I understand the desire is real. But essentially you're starting to feel entitled to live in Manhattan, without those pesky compromises. In exactly the same way, I'm starting to feel entitled to owning a nice house in a nice neighbourhood with good schools, that's not out in the suburbs, with spending money left over for books and computers, and ... Never mind that my neighbours have BMWs but I drive an old beater. My baseline (the things I'm not eager to compromise on) is already higher than what the vast majority of people in my country have. Every step is reasonable, but you can end up in a strange place. > Here every shitty 1br apartment costs $800K+. Daaamn. Here that buys you a 3 bedroom house in an exclusive neighbourhood in mid-town, on the main subway line.