As a Toastmasters veteran I can say that this really is a common issue. Great job to you and the OP for realizing it. The two extremes are too conversational a

As a Toastmasters veteran I can say that this really is a common issue. Great job to you and the OP for realizing it. The two extremes are too conversational and too concise. Personally my nature was to be concise and deliver information efficiently. But a piece of advice I give commonly these days is "information is the enemy of story." If you want to evoke an action (inspire) or change an opinion (persuade) you need emotional engagement. Narratives are your more powerful emotional engagement tool, and information weakens them.