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The point of the comment you are replying to is that plenty of parents, under the guise of "instilling good habits," simply issue a blanket ban and the threat o
by ramphastidae 7y ago
The point of the comment you are replying to is that plenty of parents, under the guise of "instilling good habits," simply issue a blanket ban and the threat of further punishment to discourage the use of whatever they are trying to teach their children to avoid rather than teaching their children responsible use, and that this is counter-productive, extremely damaging, and basically the opposite of good parenting.
In my experience my parents issued blanket bans and the threat of punishment for eating sugary foods, using the internet and watching TV. All this did was cause me to binge on all three whenever I had the opportunity at a friend's house, and that behavior extended into my adulthood until I was able to break free of my parents and seek the advice of reasonable adults to help curb my addictive behaviors.
When I discussed this with my parents they doubled down on their behavior, washed their hands of responsibility and blamed me. They used the same tired "how you behave when you are an adult is up to you" line. I hope you aren't doing the same to your children.
- semi-extrinsic 7y ago> simply issue a blanket ban and the threat of further punishment to discourage the use of whatever they are trying to teach their children to avoid rather than teaching their children responsible use I take the somewhat contrarian view: kids (at some age) need to learn to cope with absolute limits that are strictly enforced. How else will they cope with living in real society? Not paying your rent will get you kicked out. Driving over the speed limit will get you a ticket, or worse. Not showing up to an exam in college means you fail the class. Not saying you should have draconian rules on everything. But some rules need to be enforced with (reasonable) consequences. Otherwise you are doing your children a disservice, IMHO.
- lazyasciiart 7y agoDriving over the speed limit will usually get you nothing. Failing to show up to an exam in college got me an opportunity to retake it with no penalty. Failing to pay your rent - maybe, but if you just paid it late, or if you were moving out anyway and make things enough of a pain for the landlord...
- foobarian 7y agoWhere do you live that driving over the speed limit is strictly enforced???
- halbritt 7y agoWhat's missing in this behavior is the setting of expectations. Nobody likes surprises, least of all kids. My kid has limited screen time that is strictly enforced, roughly 30 minutes a day. They're well aware of this fact and when it will happen. We occasionally make exceptions for things like movies or what have you on the weekends.
- marktangotango 7y agoOur kids earn their screen time, it’s not a given. Note we don’t include tv, but it’s rarely on anyway.
- halbritt 7y agoNo TV here, which means that if the kid wants to watch something it's part of their screen time.