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My life mostly. I'm 34, have a GED, have a bankruptcy, do not have a degree, do not have some sort of skill where I might be able to get around not having a de

My life mostly. I'm 34, have a GED, have a bankruptcy, do not have a degree, do not have some sort of skill where I might be able to get around not having a degree like some sort of CS skills, I basically make a little less each year due to inflation and increase in insurance costs not being higher than the tiny merit based increase my employer gives, I've never had a relationship as an adult, I'm repeatedly denied jobs because of lack of degree and/or my bankruptcy and/or the fact my job doesn't really transfer to anything else and I've been doing it for 13 years, I can't afford to even contribute enough to my 401k to get the full employer match. Even someone, with considerable means that told me thier success is purely due to luck (and obviously through chances they've been given by mentors), told me that they are sorry/find it unfortunate that a degree is treated as a de facto dues card... yet the past 2 companies they've ran, require degrees for their entry level work and when I flat out asked for any job that could give me new experience, asked to take a chance on me, I got an "I'm real busy right now, but I'd love to work together some day". I could try and get a degree, but I don't test well and while I'm quite intelligent school was always difficult for me. So taking out tens of thousands of dollars of loans and spending my free time doing something I'll almost certainly hate and/or be frustrated by, just to bury myself in debt for the second time in my life and graduate around 40 to compete against 20-22 year old people for entry level jobs in a new field with my fancy piece of financed paper... doesn't sound very smart, does it? In literally hundreds of appplications in the past 3 years I've had 3 interviews, 2 of them declined and the 3rd I declined when they told me the starting pay was a 5$ and change less than I make an hour now and less than 4$ above minimum wage. Doing roughly what I already do, just for freight on ships instead of planes. Yup. Basically my life is a complete failure. If I dropped dead today my mother, that lives with me, would notice and honestly that's probably it. I'm a wholly replaceable cog in a machine. (obligatory disclaimer: not suicidal, just honest and mostly defeated).

CogitoCogito 7y ago
Do you have time to do things outside of work? For example running with a club of people or something. I just wonder if you are able to do things on the side that are real and difficult goals but that you can achieve on your own (though possibly after a lot of work). This obviously wouldn’t make your career life any better but you might have other things going on that would lead you not to describe life as a failure.
- ryanmercer 7y ago
  > This obviously wouldn’t make your career life any better but you might have other things going on that would lead you not to describe life as a failure. I have my religious pursuits and what not but by failure I mostly mean I have no meaningful connections. All of my friends are married and/or married with children, I don't have much family left alive, I've got my mother living with me until she dies which could be tomorrow or might be another 20 years which puts a bit of a damper on pursuing romantic interests and at my age most women are divorced with multiple children and don't have much free time and aren't really open to the idea of pursuing something where someone's retired mother would be moving in with them. Yes I've got a comfortable place to sleep and food to eat and what not but my job is something OCR & 'dumb' AI will eventually largely automate, I have no intimate (in a non sexual sense) connections like I did in school because everyone is busy with their families now, I've just got a house plant which has entirely overtaken the kitchen bar and is now spilling over onto the floor and my stuffed animal Bun from my first Easter that I tell good night every night as he sits on a book shelf in his dotage. My legacy, as it stands, is a blog that will disappear 1-12 months after I die and a frail old man of a purple anthropomorphic rabbit.
  - CogitoCogito 7y ago
    I would still recommend something similar to my original post. Try to find pursuits that are your own but do them within the context of a group where you can build friendships. I think that sports clubs are great for and especially running since there's really no bar to entry (hell many of the clubs are jokingly called drinking groups with running problems), but it could really be something else. No matter what if you want that social side of things you're going to have to go out there and build it up yourself. It's not actually some crazy impossible task; there are in fact huge numbers of people exactly like you whose friends have left/gotten busy. But you do need to go out there and take the first steps.
tomcam 7y ago
Hey, Ryan, thanks for sharing. It's hard. I have some thoughts--you didn't ask for feedback, so feel free to ignore. Also feel free to contact me via my profile address. No, I won't be selling your anything or trying to make money off you. But man, do I understand hard times. I anticipated being in your position when I was younger and my technique has worked repeatedly. I'm about twice your age and was never denied a job due to lack of a degree. That includes a stint as a full time employee at the original Really Big Tech Company. My path has always been the same: get really good (top 80%, not top 1%) at something most people aren't good at. That way I can get a job regardless of my requirements. Back in my day that was assembly, systems programming in C, and the Windows API. Obviously not where you want to be today. As I see it, you have some great resources. You're willing to be a little humble, you have a place to stay, you've got brains. Have you considered contacting a few recruiters to see what they're looking for, then taking the time to acquire and/or sharpen your skills? These days I'm guessing it's something like C#, Python, maybe Go, but I'm spitballing. Point is, you still have plenty of time to get super strong at something. It may take a year, but it'd be better to earn $75K in 2 years at a job in Minnesota than languish at a dead end gig now. Another reason to get excellent at something is it imparts a confidence that makes you more attractive. I'm fat and ugly but I pay attention to people. Being a good programmer and a rewarding listener meant I never, ever had trouble meeting awesome women My very best to you. That can't have been fun to share.
- ryanmercer 7y ago
  >Have you considered contacting a few recruiters to see what they're looking for, then taking the time to acquire and/or sharpen your skills? These days I'm guessing it's something like C#, Python, maybe Go, but I'm spitballing. Point is, you still have plenty of time to get super strong at something. It may take a year, but it'd be better to earn $75K in 2 years at a job in Minnesota than languish at a dead end gig now. I've no interest whatsoever in programming. I tinkered enough back in the day on MUDs and in a programming vocational class in high school that I know it is absolutely not for me. Even hammering out some really simple QBASIC games from scratch was incredibly frustrating for me. As far as recruiters in general, I tried to use one a few years ago. They got my an interview, at a company with 4 employees in the US where I was told during the interview "IF we hire you, we do not provide insurance, my wife works at Eli Lilly so I am covered under her insurance" and it was a significant pay cut to do the same thing I do now and when I told them in the interview I would not be open to an offer I never heard from the recruiter again. From my impression recruiters mostly want programmers or people with MBAs for placing in lower-level corporate positions, at least these are the sorts I've found in Google queries but perhaps I just don't know what I should be searching for.

CogitoCogito 7y ago

Do you have time to do things outside of work? For example running with a club of people or something. I just wonder if you are able to do things on the side that are real and difficult goals but that you can achieve on your own (though possibly after a lot of work). This obviously wouldn’t make your career life any better but you might have other things going on that would lead you not to describe life as a failure.

ryanmercer 7y ago
> This obviously wouldn’t make your career life any better but you might have other things going on that would lead you not to describe life as a failure. I have my religious pursuits and what not but by failure I mostly mean I have no meaningful connections. All of my friends are married and/or married with children, I don't have much family left alive, I've got my mother living with me until she dies which could be tomorrow or might be another 20 years which puts a bit of a damper on pursuing romantic interests and at my age most women are divorced with multiple children and don't have much free time and aren't really open to the idea of pursuing something where someone's retired mother would be moving in with them. Yes I've got a comfortable place to sleep and food to eat and what not but my job is something OCR & 'dumb' AI will eventually largely automate, I have no intimate (in a non sexual sense) connections like I did in school because everyone is busy with their families now, I've just got a house plant which has entirely overtaken the kitchen bar and is now spilling over onto the floor and my stuffed animal Bun from my first Easter that I tell good night every night as he sits on a book shelf in his dotage. My legacy, as it stands, is a blog that will disappear 1-12 months after I die and a frail old man of a purple anthropomorphic rabbit.
- CogitoCogito 7y ago
  I would still recommend something similar to my original post. Try to find pursuits that are your own but do them within the context of a group where you can build friendships. I think that sports clubs are great for and especially running since there's really no bar to entry (hell many of the clubs are jokingly called drinking groups with running problems), but it could really be something else. No matter what if you want that social side of things you're going to have to go out there and build it up yourself. It's not actually some crazy impossible task; there are in fact huge numbers of people exactly like you whose friends have left/gotten busy. But you do need to go out there and take the first steps.

tomcam 7y ago

Hey, Ryan, thanks for sharing. It's hard. I have some thoughts--you didn't ask for feedback, so feel free to ignore. Also feel free to contact me via my profile address. No, I won't be selling your anything or trying to make money off you. But man, do I understand hard times. I anticipated being in your position when I was younger and my technique has worked repeatedly. I'm about twice your age and was never denied a job due to lack of a degree. That includes a stint as a full time employee at the original Really Big Tech Company. My path has always been the same: get really good (top 80%, not top 1%) at something most people aren't good at. That way I can get a job regardless of my requirements. Back in my day that was assembly, systems programming in C, and the Windows API. Obviously not where you want to be today. As I see it, you have some great resources. You're willing to be a little humble, you have a place to stay, you've got brains. Have you considered contacting a few recruiters to see what they're looking for, then taking the time to acquire and/or sharpen your skills? These days I'm guessing it's something like C#, Python, maybe Go, but I'm spitballing. Point is, you still have plenty of time to get super strong at something. It may take a year, but it'd be better to earn $75K in 2 years at a job in Minnesota than languish at a dead end gig now. Another reason to get excellent at something is it imparts a confidence that makes you more attractive. I'm fat and ugly but I pay attention to people. Being a good programmer and a rewarding listener meant I never, ever had trouble meeting awesome women My very best to you. That can't have been fun to share.

ryanmercer 7y ago
>Have you considered contacting a few recruiters to see what they're looking for, then taking the time to acquire and/or sharpen your skills? These days I'm guessing it's something like C#, Python, maybe Go, but I'm spitballing. Point is, you still have plenty of time to get super strong at something. It may take a year, but it'd be better to earn $75K in 2 years at a job in Minnesota than languish at a dead end gig now. I've no interest whatsoever in programming. I tinkered enough back in the day on MUDs and in a programming vocational class in high school that I know it is absolutely not for me. Even hammering out some really simple QBASIC games from scratch was incredibly frustrating for me. As far as recruiters in general, I tried to use one a few years ago. They got my an interview, at a company with 4 employees in the US where I was told during the interview "IF we hire you, we do not provide insurance, my wife works at Eli Lilly so I am covered under her insurance" and it was a significant pay cut to do the same thing I do now and when I told them in the interview I would not be open to an offer I never heard from the recruiter again. From my impression recruiters mostly want programmers or people with MBAs for placing in lower-level corporate positions, at least these are the sorts I've found in Google queries but perhaps I just don't know what I should be searching for.