I strongly recommend you seek out therapy in some form. Heck, even something like using this free service [0] where you could offload to a stranger could help

I strongly recommend you seek out therapy in some form. Heck, even something like using this free service [0] where you could offload to a stranger could help lift the enormous burden you are feeling and help reset your currently gloomy perspective about life. Take care of yourself. 0: https://www.7cups.com/ https://www.7cups.com/