No. I can't do my job without taking adderall, I end up drinking too much to goto sleep, then slacking and falling behind and rushing to get everything finishe

No. I can't do my job without taking adderall, I end up drinking too much to goto sleep, then slacking and falling behind and rushing to get everything finished for a deadline. Then the requirements change with no warning and I'm expected to have had both done. My Manager and technical lead make development decisions even though they both have zero experience with any part of our stack. I have a mortgage on a house that I don't take care of, and I work from home so I'm constantly reminded of my personal failures. Most of my team is outsourced to another country, so I assume the writing is on the wall. But I don't have the energy to start looking for something new. Plus, since I work at home I haven't made as many close connections as I did at previous jobs. I spend more time being mad at myself for not improving my life than actually trying to improve. I don't invest any time in my hobbies or with friends. My friends don't even bother inviting me anywhere anymore. I just placate myself with youtube and comedy waiting until I pay off my mortgage and my kid is self sufficient. Though when that happens I have no plans, or goals, or dreams. Bleh, it could be worse, I make a very good living, and have a marketable skillset. I'll be fine, but it felt good to have a pity party for a second.