I don't disagree with your thesis, but Haskell isn't too bad here - it took me one or two minutes and is somewhere between three and ten lines depending on how

I don't disagree with your thesis, but Haskell isn't too bad here - it took me one or two minutes and is somewhere between three and ten lines depending on how I break it up, including imports. IMO, it's uglier than the equivalent perl but ymmv.