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My problem (with Skype, so ok that's two problems) is people just put "hi" or "hello" and then the choice is to either ignore them and hope they'll get around t

My problem (with Skype, so ok that's two problems) is people just put "hi" or "hello" and then the choice is to either ignore them and hope they'll get around to actually asking the question, or give in and say "hi" (passive aggressive or "hi, what's up" (I don't care what's up - you started it). I can't think of a polite way to say "please don't just type "hi"" without making it sound like I think I'm special, but at the same time ignoring them outright seems rude. They know I'm here because of the presence indicator.

jedberg 7y ago
Just ignore when they say hi. They'll eventually learn that they don't get a response. If they actually talk to you about your "rudeness" explain that you only respond if it seems urgent, and "hi" isn't urgent.
choward 7y ago
This drives me crazy too. Would you send an email that just said "hi"? Didn't think so. Is it that hard to just say "hi, [question]"? Instead I have to reply and then wait for them to type their question since I've already been interrupted.
ummonk 7y ago
Ironically, I once got feedback from my team lead that when I would start with my question without first pinging with a generic "hello", it seemed demanding.
- lliamander 7y ago
  Would you say "<Question>" or "Hi! <Question>"? The former could seem demanding, but if they're offended by latter then the situation is hopeless.
  - ummonk 7y ago
    I would usually say “Question: <question>”. The latter might have been okay; after the feedback I just switched to “hey I’m stuck” or “Hey I’ve got a question” and asked the question after he replied, which he was happy with.
    - lliamander 7y ago
      That's fair. I sometimes do that too, especially if the question is somewhat long and complicated (though I that point I usually ask if I can just call the person). But at least that's more than a solitary greeting.
- foobarchu 7y ago
  It's this worry that causes me to prefix non-urgent things with something like "Hey, question when you get a chance, XXX". What feels demanding to me is coworkers who will simply send a message containing my name, sometimes followed by a period. Opening slack to see just "John." (not my actual name) is somehow both more and less personal than "Hi". I believe it's mostly a language barrier thing, as it's only ever ESL speakers who do it, but it still feels like nails on a chalkboard for me.
lliamander 7y ago
I know! And it's so frustrating, because it's so easy to just include the question as a part of the first message (e.g. "Hi! Could you help me with feature X?"). I've been trying to think of a good way of asking it. Maybe something like "Just so you know, I won't be offended if you ask the question with your initial greeting. It would actually be helpful because then I can start thinking about the answer right away. :)" Does that work?
dmd 7y ago
http://www.nohello.com http://www.nohello.com
okusername 7y ago
People do this because they want to know that you're available for the conversation. Like ringing the phone.
- mrunkel 7y ago
  No. They do this because they know if they just ask their question you'll ignore it because it's not important. If they say "Hi" and wait for you to respond, now you're engaged and it's harder to ignore after they pose the question. To carry your analogy further, it's more like calling someone and hanging up before they answer in order to prompt them to call back.
  - nowandlater 7y ago
    Pretty true. The worst is when they butter you up a bit with, "how was your weekend?", or "The weather is pretty nice today". Like they actually care about you, ha!
  - dennisgorelik 7y ago
    Are you, personally, saying "Hi" because you think that if you ask your question -- then your message recipient will ignore you? I am saying "Hi" (without anything else) - to check if person is available for discussion (exactly like okusername described it).
  - RHSeeger 7y ago
    No, "they" don't. Some people do, sure. But some people are doing as the parent mentioned; ringing the phone. Letting you know they need to have a discussion with you, so you can reply when you're ready.
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
peteradio 7y ago
How is responding with "hi" passive aggressive? Why would someone type a potentially large question to a the abyss?
- dumbfounder 7y ago
  It's not the abyss, it's just asynchronous. If you make me say hi back then you have trapped me rather than giving me the option to look at your question, determine the importance, and respond at a time that is appropriate for me.
- drngdds 7y ago
  Because the alternative is to waste the time of the person you're talking to while they sit there waiting for your follow up. You're already interrupting them; no need to make it worse.
- iamnotacrook 7y ago
  Abyss? They know I'm there and worst case scenario is they copy their unanswered question into an email to me.
hobofan 7y ago
> I can't think of a polite way to say "please don't just type "hi"" Here it is: "please don't just type "hi"". It's that simple. I've never had anyone perceive that as rude or negative in any way, and they usually adapt pretty quickly. If they don't learn, you just have to step up your ignoring game ;)
drngdds 7y ago
This is my biggest IM pet peeve. When someone separates their "hello" from their actual question, my attention is broken for 30 seconds to 5 minutes for absolutely no reason whatsoever until they send it.
__jf__ 7y ago
“Hi” initiates the TCP equivalent of the 3-way handshake
mh8h 7y ago
I see a few people on my team, who have "Don't just say hi" and [0] as their Slack status. I find it informative, and not condescending. [0] http://www.nohello.com http://www.nohello.com
NoodleIncident 7y ago
> I can't think of a polite way to say "please don't just type "hi"" I feel like I've seen something similar as a general rule. If your company has any sort of internal etiquette guide for its internal communication tools, this should go there verbatim. If not, then it can still work to post it in certain places; for example, a slack channel where people ask your team questions. If you're getting asked questions but your teammates aren't, then you are special! So just tell them directly. Even better, respond to the DM saying that for the benefit of everyone, such questions should be asked and answered in a public channel, so that others have a fighting chance of finding it with a search tool. This eliminates the "hi" problem entirely.
x3n0ph3n3 7y ago
I usually send them this: https://www.dontasktoask.com/ https://www.dontasktoask.com/
stronglikedan 7y ago
I don't use Slack, but does it have something like a bot where you can have it auto-reply to messages shorter than n characters?
bityard 7y ago
There's a guy I work with that does this _in real life_. Let's call him Bob. Bob sits maybe 15 feet from me in the same room. We work on the same kinds of things. In this company, it's encouraged to engage with others immediately if you have a question. If they are too busy right at that moment, they will tell you and check back with you later and everyone knows not to take offense in these situations. However, Bob pretends to be afraid of me. People walk up to me all the time when I'm working and ask questions and it's perfectly fine. But when Bob has a question, he _whispers_ to get my attention. Or he'll stand just in the periphery of my vision and literally wave until I respond. I've told him, nicely, more than once, that he can just talk to me whenever he wants. His response is always along the lines of, "well I didn't want to break your concentration" or, "I didn't want to bother you if were busy." Bob knows I don't ignore people whether I'm busy or not. I don't want to believe he does it just to annoy me but I'm failing to come up with a more logical explanation.
- lioeters 7y ago
  Sounds like he's way too considerate, polite or sensitive, trying his best to not disturb others. Improving this style of interaction may be a matter of showing/proving that you really don't mind a more blunt approach, and in fact prefer it.
abawany 7y ago
Yes, in my case it's "hey" followed by silence unless I acknowledge. I mean, gee whiz, this isn't a phone line dude - just spit it out already. The person in question has zero abilities to learn lessons or develop empathy so I am resigned to the idea of dealing with it or finding a different place to work.

jedberg 7y ago

Just ignore when they say hi. They'll eventually learn that they don't get a response. If they actually talk to you about your "rudeness" explain that you only respond if it seems urgent, and "hi" isn't urgent.

choward 7y ago

This drives me crazy too. Would you send an email that just said "hi"? Didn't think so. Is it that hard to just say "hi, [question]"? Instead I have to reply and then wait for them to type their question since I've already been interrupted.

ummonk 7y ago

Ironically, I once got feedback from my team lead that when I would start with my question without first pinging with a generic "hello", it seemed demanding.

lliamander 7y ago
Would you say "<Question>" or "Hi! <Question>"? The former could seem demanding, but if they're offended by latter then the situation is hopeless.
- ummonk 7y ago
  I would usually say “Question: <question>”. The latter might have been okay; after the feedback I just switched to “hey I’m stuck” or “Hey I’ve got a question” and asked the question after he replied, which he was happy with.
  - lliamander 7y ago
    That's fair. I sometimes do that too, especially if the question is somewhat long and complicated (though I that point I usually ask if I can just call the person). But at least that's more than a solitary greeting.
foobarchu 7y ago
It's this worry that causes me to prefix non-urgent things with something like "Hey, question when you get a chance, XXX". What feels demanding to me is coworkers who will simply send a message containing my name, sometimes followed by a period. Opening slack to see just "John." (not my actual name) is somehow both more and less personal than "Hi". I believe it's mostly a language barrier thing, as it's only ever ESL speakers who do it, but it still feels like nails on a chalkboard for me.

lliamander 7y ago

I know! And it's so frustrating, because it's so easy to just include the question as a part of the first message (e.g. "Hi! Could you help me with feature X?"). I've been trying to think of a good way of asking it. Maybe something like "Just so you know, I won't be offended if you ask the question with your initial greeting. It would actually be helpful because then I can start thinking about the answer right away. :)" Does that work?

dmd 7y ago

http://www.nohello.com http://www.nohello.com

okusername 7y ago

People do this because they want to know that you're available for the conversation. Like ringing the phone.

mrunkel 7y ago
No. They do this because they know if they just ask their question you'll ignore it because it's not important. If they say "Hi" and wait for you to respond, now you're engaged and it's harder to ignore after they pose the question. To carry your analogy further, it's more like calling someone and hanging up before they answer in order to prompt them to call back.
- nowandlater 7y ago
  Pretty true. The worst is when they butter you up a bit with, "how was your weekend?", or "The weather is pretty nice today". Like they actually care about you, ha!
- dennisgorelik 7y ago
  Are you, personally, saying "Hi" because you think that if you ask your question -- then your message recipient will ignore you? I am saying "Hi" (without anything else) - to check if person is available for discussion (exactly like okusername described it).
- RHSeeger 7y ago
  No, "they" don't. Some people do, sure. But some people are doing as the parent mentioned; ringing the phone. Letting you know they need to have a discussion with you, so you can reply when you're ready.

deleted 7y ago

[deleted]

peteradio 7y ago

How is responding with "hi" passive aggressive? Why would someone type a potentially large question to a the abyss?

dumbfounder 7y ago
It's not the abyss, it's just asynchronous. If you make me say hi back then you have trapped me rather than giving me the option to look at your question, determine the importance, and respond at a time that is appropriate for me.
drngdds 7y ago
Because the alternative is to waste the time of the person you're talking to while they sit there waiting for your follow up. You're already interrupting them; no need to make it worse.
iamnotacrook 7y ago
Abyss? They know I'm there and worst case scenario is they copy their unanswered question into an email to me.

hobofan 7y ago

> I can't think of a polite way to say "please don't just type "hi"" Here it is: "please don't just type "hi"". It's that simple. I've never had anyone perceive that as rude or negative in any way, and they usually adapt pretty quickly. If they don't learn, you just have to step up your ignoring game ;)

drngdds 7y ago

This is my biggest IM pet peeve. When someone separates their "hello" from their actual question, my attention is broken for 30 seconds to 5 minutes for absolutely no reason whatsoever until they send it.

__jf__ 7y ago

“Hi” initiates the TCP equivalent of the 3-way handshake

mh8h 7y ago

I see a few people on my team, who have "Don't just say hi" and [0] as their Slack status. I find it informative, and not condescending. [0] http://www.nohello.com http://www.nohello.com

NoodleIncident 7y ago

> I can't think of a polite way to say "please don't just type "hi"" I feel like I've seen something similar as a general rule. If your company has any sort of internal etiquette guide for its internal communication tools, this should go there verbatim. If not, then it can still work to post it in certain places; for example, a slack channel where people ask your team questions. If you're getting asked questions but your teammates aren't, then you are special! So just tell them directly. Even better, respond to the DM saying that for the benefit of everyone, such questions should be asked and answered in a public channel, so that others have a fighting chance of finding it with a search tool. This eliminates the "hi" problem entirely.

x3n0ph3n3 7y ago

I usually send them this: https://www.dontasktoask.com/ https://www.dontasktoask.com/

stronglikedan 7y ago

I don't use Slack, but does it have something like a bot where you can have it auto-reply to messages shorter than n characters?

bityard 7y ago

There's a guy I work with that does this _in real life_. Let's call him Bob. Bob sits maybe 15 feet from me in the same room. We work on the same kinds of things. In this company, it's encouraged to engage with others immediately if you have a question. If they are too busy right at that moment, they will tell you and check back with you later and everyone knows not to take offense in these situations. However, Bob pretends to be afraid of me. People walk up to me all the time when I'm working and ask questions and it's perfectly fine. But when Bob has a question, he _whispers_ to get my attention. Or he'll stand just in the periphery of my vision and literally wave until I respond. I've told him, nicely, more than once, that he can just talk to me whenever he wants. His response is always along the lines of, "well I didn't want to break your concentration" or, "I didn't want to bother you if were busy." Bob knows I don't ignore people whether I'm busy or not. I don't want to believe he does it just to annoy me but I'm failing to come up with a more logical explanation.

lioeters 7y ago
Sounds like he's way too considerate, polite or sensitive, trying his best to not disturb others. Improving this style of interaction may be a matter of showing/proving that you really don't mind a more blunt approach, and in fact prefer it.

abawany 7y ago

Yes, in my case it's "hey" followed by silence unless I acknowledge. I mean, gee whiz, this isn't a phone line dude - just spit it out already. The person in question has zero abilities to learn lessons or develop empathy so I am resigned to the idea of dealing with it or finding a different place to work.