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>The consolidation of social activities (such as the process of dating, dating apps, and the network effects that result) into these walled gardens makes being

>The consolidation of social activities (such as the process of dating, dating apps, and the network effects that result) into these walled gardens makes being a conscientious objector of social media more challenging each time they announce a feature like this. I and others don't want to use Facebook. Please don't leave us with no choice. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19790889 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19790889

gtirloni 7y ago
> I and others don't want to use Facebook. Please don't leave us with no choice What? You don't want to use then don't use it. That's your choice.
- smacktoward 7y ago
  Literally the entire lesson of the social networking age is that it's not entirely your choice. If everyone you know is on Facebook, and everyone you want to date is on Facebook, all the events you want to attend are organized on Facebook, etc., you have very strong pressures on you to use Facebook, whether you want to or not.
  - briandear 7y ago
    Nonsense. Just don't use Facebook. Send email or use iMessage/Signal whatevs. If you are "left out" -- then those people probably cared about your involvement only superficially. As far as people you want to date -- how weird would it be to actually talk to the person? You'd stand out from the crowd specifically because you aren't like everybody else. Grow a spine.
    - SkyPuncher 7y ago
      Not using Facebook is fine for direct conversations. It really isn't an option in larger groups. ---- Here's a great example. I go on a canoe weekend with a bunch of old friend each year. Some years it has an upwards of 100 people attending. I know about 10 to 20 people, including the hosts, very well. The rest are either acquaintances, second connections, or friends/family of the hosts. Everything gets done via a Facebook event because it's the easiest way for the hosts to communicate with a group of 100 people. A few people "refuse" to use Facebook so all communication with them about the event has to be done on a secondary channel. Sometimes those people accidentally get left out of important notices. It's nothing malicious, just the hosts having jobs and busy lives and forget about a few odd ones out.
      - rubbingalcohol 7y ago
        I don't use Facebook. When I want to hang out with friends, I call or text them on my mobile phone. If I want to invite people to an event, I call or text them on my mobile phone. Or if we're hanging out I'll say something like "we should go to [event] next week!" I haven't used Facebook for years and it has not obstructed my social life in any way.
    - irb 7y ago
      What's wrong with someone caring about my involvement only superficially? It doesn't mean I don't want to be involved. Let's talk parties: sure, if a friend I see regularly is having a party, I'll get invited whether I'm on Facebook or not. If it's a more tangential connection I don't see very often just spam inviting their friends list, they might not even have other contact details for me, but it'll still probably be a fun event that I'd like to go to, and if I'm not on FB then I miss out.
    - vokep 7y ago
      Its not that the choice can't be made. But if that choice is harder to make, the world is probably worse. Its that more people on facebook, feeling its a requirement, is a bad thing.
  - AnIdiotOnTheNet 7y ago
    Pressures are not the same as force. Like all other choices in life, there are trade-offs. For some, the things Facebook gives them mean more to them than whatever reason they don't want to use Facebook, for others they don't. It's a bit like saying you'd like to stop eating veal, but you're forced to keep eating it because it's so tasty.

gtirloni 7y ago

> I and others don't want to use Facebook. Please don't leave us with no choice What? You don't want to use then don't use it. That's your choice.

smacktoward 7y ago
Literally the entire lesson of the social networking age is that it's not entirely your choice. If everyone you know is on Facebook, and everyone you want to date is on Facebook, all the events you want to attend are organized on Facebook, etc., you have very strong pressures on you to use Facebook, whether you want to or not.
- briandear 7y ago
  Nonsense. Just don't use Facebook. Send email or use iMessage/Signal whatevs. If you are "left out" -- then those people probably cared about your involvement only superficially. As far as people you want to date -- how weird would it be to actually talk to the person? You'd stand out from the crowd specifically because you aren't like everybody else. Grow a spine.
  - SkyPuncher 7y ago
    Not using Facebook is fine for direct conversations. It really isn't an option in larger groups. ---- Here's a great example. I go on a canoe weekend with a bunch of old friend each year. Some years it has an upwards of 100 people attending. I know about 10 to 20 people, including the hosts, very well. The rest are either acquaintances, second connections, or friends/family of the hosts. Everything gets done via a Facebook event because it's the easiest way for the hosts to communicate with a group of 100 people. A few people "refuse" to use Facebook so all communication with them about the event has to be done on a secondary channel. Sometimes those people accidentally get left out of important notices. It's nothing malicious, just the hosts having jobs and busy lives and forget about a few odd ones out.
    - rubbingalcohol 7y ago
      I don't use Facebook. When I want to hang out with friends, I call or text them on my mobile phone. If I want to invite people to an event, I call or text them on my mobile phone. Or if we're hanging out I'll say something like "we should go to [event] next week!" I haven't used Facebook for years and it has not obstructed my social life in any way.
  - irb 7y ago
    What's wrong with someone caring about my involvement only superficially? It doesn't mean I don't want to be involved. Let's talk parties: sure, if a friend I see regularly is having a party, I'll get invited whether I'm on Facebook or not. If it's a more tangential connection I don't see very often just spam inviting their friends list, they might not even have other contact details for me, but it'll still probably be a fun event that I'd like to go to, and if I'm not on FB then I miss out.
  - vokep 7y ago
    Its not that the choice can't be made. But if that choice is harder to make, the world is probably worse. Its that more people on facebook, feeling its a requirement, is a bad thing.
- AnIdiotOnTheNet 7y ago
  Pressures are not the same as force. Like all other choices in life, there are trade-offs. For some, the things Facebook gives them mean more to them than whatever reason they don't want to use Facebook, for others they don't. It's a bit like saying you'd like to stop eating veal, but you're forced to keep eating it because it's so tasty.