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I grew up with Asian parents^, and so I think I can safely say that the parenting techniques are at the very least cruel. For example, she makes it a point ver

I grew up with Asian parents^, and so I think I can safely say that the parenting techniques are at the very least cruel. For example, she makes it a point very early on that she doesn't allow her children to properly socialize with their peers. Education and socialization are not mutually exclusive and it is absolutely vital that you don't don't convince your children otherwise. Then after making it a point to mention this little rule, she never backs it up or defend it. Why doesn't she allow her children to participate in drama or visit with friends? We don't know. One is left to simply presume that perhaps it's because she's on a power trip, enacting some sort of revenge on her children for daring to be a burden on her life. ^technically my parents were quite germanic, but their parenting technique was to a tee what Chua described. "You got a A- in geography?! You need to spend more time studying!" "why are you listening to rock and roll music? you should play cello like your brother!". It's making a big mistake to think that this sort of bad parenting is limited to Asian parents.

petercooper 16y ago
For example, she makes it a point very early on that she doesn't allow her children to properly socialize with their peers. To call this "cruel" in any objective sense (if you were being subjective, OK - that's undebatable opinion) would require a definition of what "proper" is in regards to socialization. Such a definition relates to the values of particular societies and communities given that they form the basis under which socialization occurs.
- burgerbrain 16y ago
  Raising children that while presumably spend their young adult and possibly adult lives in America while restricting their ability to socialize with their peers stunts their emotional and social growth. No child should have to grow up despising the majority of his peers because they spend their time "goofing off" instead of being "serious" about their studies. In some societies and communities it might be acceptable, but out of the context of a society that supports and encourages that sort of development at large, it verges on downright dangerous. I've seen numerous people mention suicide rates in discussions about this topic now, and that particular danger rings true with me...
- zasz 16y ago
  Asian American women tend to commit suicide at a rate twice as high as the national female average: http://cdc.gov/women/lcod/archive http://cdc.gov/women/lcod/archive Another link suggesting Asian Americans tend to have worse mental disorders than other ethnicities: http://www.healthyminds.org/More-Info-For/Asian-AmericanPacific-Islanders.aspx http://www.healthyminds.org/More-Info-For/Asian-AmericanPaci... Causation is not correlation, of course, and you are right that standards for socialization may differ across cultures, but these statistic and my experience with other Asians do lead me to believe that Asian upbringings are unnecessarily cruel and stunt children's ability to deal with other people and their own feelings to a degree that causes them to take their own lives. Raising children to be happy enough to _not_ take their own lives or getting an eating disorder after being called fat one time too many is a bare minimum.
  - true_religion 16y ago
    People determine their own level of satisfaction based on comparisons to other people. Asian Americans may feel more depressed because they see themselves missing out on socialization and general "fun" that their western counterparts experience. However, Asians in their home countries (or in ethnically homogeneous American communities) may not feel more depressed because they only have each other as comparison. If no one is going out to parties on Friday night, then it is a lot harder to say "my parents are being unfair to me", or even feel it without expression. Now addressing your charge that this culture is "unnecessarily" cruel... if we find that giving people the opportunity to have fun over work leads to higher satisfaction and consequently lower suicide rates, we still can't call any specific balance of work vs. fun "unnecessarily cruel" without justification. It's a judgement call as to what level of 'fun' is a good thing for children to pursue at the expense of their intellectual, athletic, or social development. Is the level of depression, and suicide found in western cultures acceptable or unacceptable? Should we stop foisting 'work' and competitive rating (in the form of school in particular) on children who don't want it, in order to have a lower suicide rate? I'm not pointing at statistics here on purpose because this is a philosophical question rather than a quantifiable scientific one.

petercooper 16y ago

For example, she makes it a point very early on that she doesn't allow her children to properly socialize with their peers. To call this "cruel" in any objective sense (if you were being subjective, OK - that's undebatable opinion) would require a definition of what "proper" is in regards to socialization. Such a definition relates to the values of particular societies and communities given that they form the basis under which socialization occurs.

burgerbrain 16y ago
Raising children that while presumably spend their young adult and possibly adult lives in America while restricting their ability to socialize with their peers stunts their emotional and social growth. No child should have to grow up despising the majority of his peers because they spend their time "goofing off" instead of being "serious" about their studies. In some societies and communities it might be acceptable, but out of the context of a society that supports and encourages that sort of development at large, it verges on downright dangerous. I've seen numerous people mention suicide rates in discussions about this topic now, and that particular danger rings true with me...
zasz 16y ago
Asian American women tend to commit suicide at a rate twice as high as the national female average: http://cdc.gov/women/lcod/archive http://cdc.gov/women/lcod/archive Another link suggesting Asian Americans tend to have worse mental disorders than other ethnicities: http://www.healthyminds.org/More-Info-For/Asian-AmericanPacific-Islanders.aspx http://www.healthyminds.org/More-Info-For/Asian-AmericanPaci... Causation is not correlation, of course, and you are right that standards for socialization may differ across cultures, but these statistic and my experience with other Asians do lead me to believe that Asian upbringings are unnecessarily cruel and stunt children's ability to deal with other people and their own feelings to a degree that causes them to take their own lives. Raising children to be happy enough to _not_ take their own lives or getting an eating disorder after being called fat one time too many is a bare minimum.
- true_religion 16y ago
  People determine their own level of satisfaction based on comparisons to other people. Asian Americans may feel more depressed because they see themselves missing out on socialization and general "fun" that their western counterparts experience. However, Asians in their home countries (or in ethnically homogeneous American communities) may not feel more depressed because they only have each other as comparison. If no one is going out to parties on Friday night, then it is a lot harder to say "my parents are being unfair to me", or even feel it without expression. Now addressing your charge that this culture is "unnecessarily" cruel... if we find that giving people the opportunity to have fun over work leads to higher satisfaction and consequently lower suicide rates, we still can't call any specific balance of work vs. fun "unnecessarily cruel" without justification. It's a judgement call as to what level of 'fun' is a good thing for children to pursue at the expense of their intellectual, athletic, or social development. Is the level of depression, and suicide found in western cultures acceptable or unacceptable? Should we stop foisting 'work' and competitive rating (in the form of school in particular) on children who don't want it, in order to have a lower suicide rate? I'm not pointing at statistics here on purpose because this is a philosophical question rather than a quantifiable scientific one.