17 ms·

I strongly recommend getting a stone other than diamond. A few months after the engagement no one will ever care for the rest of your life, with the exception o

I strongly recommend getting a stone other than diamond. A few months after the engagement no one will ever care for the rest of your life, with the exception of the jewelry sales person who missed out on the commission.

jp555 7y ago
Sounds just like a lot of recent talk about college. :P
Consultant32452 7y ago
Engagement rings are status symbols, and many women, perhaps even most, will care about it for the rest of her life. Many women I know upgraded their stones after the family's economic situation improved over time.
- dmitrygr 7y ago
  That is quite high on my "I shall never marry anyone who ..." list
- munchbunny 7y ago
  Personally I'm very glad that we are moving away from that culture. Most of my friends (late 20s, early 30s) opted to skip the "big rock in a setting" for just a shiny enough ring that looks good.
- new2628 7y ago
  Why anyone sane would marry such people is beyond me.
  - colechristensen 7y ago
    What about people showing off their car, perfect pictures of their vacations on social media, some set of achievements or trophies, their perfect "battlestation" computer setup, etc. etc. etc. People are generally obsessed with status symbols, jewelry isn't really any worse than anything else.
    - liability 7y ago
      > "What about people showing off their car, perfect pictures of their vacations on social media, some set of achievements or trophies, their perfect "battlestation" computer setup, etc. etc. etc." You know plenty of people don't do any of this stuff, right? I get the feeling you meant that to be a broad list that would have virtually everybody covered in one respect or another, but if that was your intention you failed.
      - colechristensen 7y ago
        I did say and mean generally, not virtually everyone. I do think people who are not particularly interested in status signaling are somewhat rare.
        liability 7y ago
        I think that opinion probably reflects your immediate environment more than anything else.
        Consultant32452 7y ago
        Noticeable economic status differences (read: status symbols) are one of the most motivating forces in social behavior. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-psychology-of-social/ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-psychology-of... >...apart from economic payoffs, social status seems to be the most important incentive and motivating force of social behavior.” The more noticeable status disparities are, the more concerned with status people become, and the differences between the haves and have-nots have been extremely pronounced during the economic recession of recent years.
        refurb 7y ago
        You’re not looking close enough. Most people signal status, even if subtle. Talk about a book you read? Talk about how a certain restaurant is terrible? Talk about where you went on vacation? Talk about your job? Talk about music you like? All those things signal status.
  - munchbunny 7y ago
    Sometimes it's not a rational belief, but rather an insecurity brought about by a culture that always took this belief for granted. It's complicated precisely because it's signalling, so in context insecurity over the size of the diamond might not be an actual red flag. You might decide to take a principled stand on the matter, and I agree that insistence on a large diamond is a deal breaker, but not everyone has the same upbringing, cultural belief system, or social environment.
  - toomanybeersies 7y ago
    I've met plenty of people who've married a woman (or man) that they don't truely love. It's a lot more common than you might think. There's a whole variety of reasons why that might happen. Societal expectations, economic reasons, insecurity, etc.
- marton78 7y ago
  This is one of those American things that just doesn't make sense at all from an European perspective.
  - cm2012 7y ago
    I wanted to check because I wasn't sure, but you are very right: http://www.diamondshades.com/files/3614/0966/2121/Consumption_of_Diamond_Jewelry_Key_Consumer_Markets.png http://www.diamondshades.com/files/3614/0966/2121/Consumptio... I did not expect that much difference!
    - henrikschroder 7y ago
      Where I'm from, engagement rings are a matching pair of plain gold bands. You get them together as a couple after someone has proposed. Also, marriage is something most people do in their 30's, not their 20's. (The whole concept of the guy spending a fortune on a piece of jewelry before confirming that the girl actually wants to marry him is sexist bullshit, why does he have to make the effort and take the risk to prove his "commitment", but not her?)
    - ce4 7y ago
      Did your link still work when you posted it? Now it's returning a "This Account has been suspended" message.
      - cm2012 7y ago
        It was working, HN probably killed the site.
  - ulfw 7y ago
    or any other developed nation's for that matter
- dmd 7y ago
  My wife would have broken off our relationship if I'd even whispered the suggestion of buying her a diamond, I think.
  - Consultant32452 7y ago
    I want to be clear I'm not talking about your wife, because I don't know her obviously. But the women who "don't care" or would be against buying a diamond tend to fall into two categories. The first is relatively privileged women whose avoidance of diamonds is a status symbol in and of itself, often accompanied with some woke virtue signaling. And the second group is low status and she secretly wants a big rock but knows she won't get it, so she attempts to send the same signals as the privileged woman. Everyone cares about status symbols. And engagement rings is one of the most prolific. It goes right next to fancy vacations, fancy cars, and fancy coffee.
    - roganartu 7y ago
      I disagree with this. I don't think my wife falls into either of these categories and we consciously chose moissanite instead of diamond. Our choice was mostly founded in finance, but because we thought it was a waste of money not because we couldn't afford it. She also had no interest in walking around with a $5k+ insurance liability on her finger, but she enjoyed the aesthetic of a clear centre stone. The small stones in both her engagement and wedding bands are diamonds because they are cheaper due to being more readily available. We don't use it as a status symbol or for virtue signalling. Neither of us are active on social media, and I don't even think there is a photo of it online. She normally doesn't even wear the engagement ring, just the wedding band (which is very thin and basic). Our friends are aware it isn't a diamond, but because they asked not because we forced it on them. People who don't ask can think it's whatever they want, neither of us derive our self worth from whether her ring is perceived to be a particular type of stone.
      - Consultant32452 7y ago
        Do you disagree with this Nobel Laureate Economist? https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-psychology-of.. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-psychology-of.... >...apart from economic payoffs, social status seems to be the most important incentive and motivating force of social behavior.” The more noticeable status disparities are, the more concerned with status people become, and the differences between the haves and have-nots have been extremely pronounced during the economic recession of recent years. It's important to recognize we're talking about generalities here. But status symbols are one of the most important motivating factors in social behavior. Sure, maybe for your wife that's not a status symbol she particularly cares about, but do you really believe that's the majority case?
- colechristensen 7y ago
  Lots of things are status symbols. Not having a fancy engagement ring is a status symbol for certain circles too, or having an engagement ring that is fair trade, not diamond, self made, or some other set of adjectives. A lot of people are really preoccupied with signaling objects, what those things are changes but the drive doesn't really.
pastor_elm 7y ago
>A few months after the engagement no one will ever care for the rest of your life, A big fat white stone on a finger will draw eyes for so long as a woman wears it. Every woman your wife meets will make a judgement call based on that ring for the next 20 years.
- 9nGQluzmnq3M 7y ago
  Buy a big fat moissanite or cubic zirconia, and no woman will ever be able to tell the difference.
  - anon1m0us 7y ago
    A man who does that signals that he buys into all the social hype, but is too cheap to really buy in ... and he'll be forcing his wife to either reveal that or perpetuate a lie. Why not just be a real man, speak and live the truth. Eschew the lies. Why can't we all just do that as a society? It doesn't matter how much you love each other or your mutual respect? Why do rings even matter? It's the kind of irrational behavior that has destroyed an entire planet!
    - scarejunba 7y ago
      This comment sounds so much like a spambot I decided to see what GPT-2 would generate for "Real men don't buy fake diamonds": > Real men don't buy fake diamonds. They buy real diamond rings. Fake diamonds just aren't worth anything, let alone being used for a marriage contract. So I'll be keeping the diamond wedding. It also produced this beauty: Real men don't buy fake diamonds. Fake men don't pay fake taxes. Fake men don't lie about their motives. Fake men can't read. Fake men can't keep their promises. Fake men know how to hide from the truth. Fake men can't make promises they can't keep. Fake men can't even tell the truth when they think nobody cares, if everybody's watching. Fake men lie just because they can. Fake men are the same as us. They just don't know we're watching.
      - reificator 7y ago
brexiteer 7y ago
A Ruby is far more scarce and much more beautiful than a diamond.
nine_k 7y ago
Diamond earrings can be worn daily, and keep looking good. I know because my wife has a few. As for an engagement ring... don't get me started about the whole ritualistic marriage thing. The diamond ring may be not the biggest waste. I'd rather buy my spouse jewellery that can be worn and enjoyed at any time instead :)
vel0city 7y ago
My wife and I decided on getting a Moissanite stone for our engagement ring. We highly recommend it. Due to the lower price, the stone is much larger than what we would have bought at diamond prices. Due to its refractive index it catches the eye a lot more (far more vibrant than a diamond) and it gets a good bit of notice. People often comment how impressive the stone is, without knowing its not really a diamond! I highly recommend this stone to others, its really a good deal especially since the patents on making gem quality/sized stones has run out.

jp555 7y ago

Sounds just like a lot of recent talk about college. :P

Consultant32452 7y ago

Engagement rings are status symbols, and many women, perhaps even most, will care about it for the rest of her life. Many women I know upgraded their stones after the family's economic situation improved over time.

dmitrygr 7y ago
That is quite high on my "I shall never marry anyone who ..." list
munchbunny 7y ago
Personally I'm very glad that we are moving away from that culture. Most of my friends (late 20s, early 30s) opted to skip the "big rock in a setting" for just a shiny enough ring that looks good.
new2628 7y ago
Why anyone sane would marry such people is beyond me.
- colechristensen 7y ago
  What about people showing off their car, perfect pictures of their vacations on social media, some set of achievements or trophies, their perfect "battlestation" computer setup, etc. etc. etc. People are generally obsessed with status symbols, jewelry isn't really any worse than anything else.
  - liability 7y ago
    > "What about people showing off their car, perfect pictures of their vacations on social media, some set of achievements or trophies, their perfect "battlestation" computer setup, etc. etc. etc." You know plenty of people don't do any of this stuff, right? I get the feeling you meant that to be a broad list that would have virtually everybody covered in one respect or another, but if that was your intention you failed.
    - colechristensen 7y ago
      I did say and mean generally, not virtually everyone. I do think people who are not particularly interested in status signaling are somewhat rare.
      - liability 7y ago
        I think that opinion probably reflects your immediate environment more than anything else.
        Consultant32452 7y ago
        Noticeable economic status differences (read: status symbols) are one of the most motivating forces in social behavior. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-psychology-of-social/ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-psychology-of... >...apart from economic payoffs, social status seems to be the most important incentive and motivating force of social behavior.” The more noticeable status disparities are, the more concerned with status people become, and the differences between the haves and have-nots have been extremely pronounced during the economic recession of recent years.
        refurb 7y ago
        You’re not looking close enough. Most people signal status, even if subtle. Talk about a book you read? Talk about how a certain restaurant is terrible? Talk about where you went on vacation? Talk about your job? Talk about music you like? All those things signal status.
- munchbunny 7y ago
  Sometimes it's not a rational belief, but rather an insecurity brought about by a culture that always took this belief for granted. It's complicated precisely because it's signalling, so in context insecurity over the size of the diamond might not be an actual red flag. You might decide to take a principled stand on the matter, and I agree that insistence on a large diamond is a deal breaker, but not everyone has the same upbringing, cultural belief system, or social environment.
- toomanybeersies 7y ago
  I've met plenty of people who've married a woman (or man) that they don't truely love. It's a lot more common than you might think. There's a whole variety of reasons why that might happen. Societal expectations, economic reasons, insecurity, etc.
marton78 7y ago
This is one of those American things that just doesn't make sense at all from an European perspective.
- cm2012 7y ago
  I wanted to check because I wasn't sure, but you are very right: http://www.diamondshades.com/files/3614/0966/2121/Consumption_of_Diamond_Jewelry_Key_Consumer_Markets.png http://www.diamondshades.com/files/3614/0966/2121/Consumptio... I did not expect that much difference!
  - henrikschroder 7y ago
    Where I'm from, engagement rings are a matching pair of plain gold bands. You get them together as a couple after someone has proposed. Also, marriage is something most people do in their 30's, not their 20's. (The whole concept of the guy spending a fortune on a piece of jewelry before confirming that the girl actually wants to marry him is sexist bullshit, why does he have to make the effort and take the risk to prove his "commitment", but not her?)
  - ce4 7y ago
    Did your link still work when you posted it? Now it's returning a "This Account has been suspended" message.
    - cm2012 7y ago
      It was working, HN probably killed the site.
- ulfw 7y ago
  or any other developed nation's for that matter
dmd 7y ago
My wife would have broken off our relationship if I'd even whispered the suggestion of buying her a diamond, I think.
- Consultant32452 7y ago
  I want to be clear I'm not talking about your wife, because I don't know her obviously. But the women who "don't care" or would be against buying a diamond tend to fall into two categories. The first is relatively privileged women whose avoidance of diamonds is a status symbol in and of itself, often accompanied with some woke virtue signaling. And the second group is low status and she secretly wants a big rock but knows she won't get it, so she attempts to send the same signals as the privileged woman. Everyone cares about status symbols. And engagement rings is one of the most prolific. It goes right next to fancy vacations, fancy cars, and fancy coffee.
  - roganartu 7y ago
    I disagree with this. I don't think my wife falls into either of these categories and we consciously chose moissanite instead of diamond. Our choice was mostly founded in finance, but because we thought it was a waste of money not because we couldn't afford it. She also had no interest in walking around with a $5k+ insurance liability on her finger, but she enjoyed the aesthetic of a clear centre stone. The small stones in both her engagement and wedding bands are diamonds because they are cheaper due to being more readily available. We don't use it as a status symbol or for virtue signalling. Neither of us are active on social media, and I don't even think there is a photo of it online. She normally doesn't even wear the engagement ring, just the wedding band (which is very thin and basic). Our friends are aware it isn't a diamond, but because they asked not because we forced it on them. People who don't ask can think it's whatever they want, neither of us derive our self worth from whether her ring is perceived to be a particular type of stone.
    - Consultant32452 7y ago
      Do you disagree with this Nobel Laureate Economist? https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-psychology-of.. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-psychology-of.... >...apart from economic payoffs, social status seems to be the most important incentive and motivating force of social behavior.” The more noticeable status disparities are, the more concerned with status people become, and the differences between the haves and have-nots have been extremely pronounced during the economic recession of recent years. It's important to recognize we're talking about generalities here. But status symbols are one of the most important motivating factors in social behavior. Sure, maybe for your wife that's not a status symbol she particularly cares about, but do you really believe that's the majority case?
colechristensen 7y ago
Lots of things are status symbols. Not having a fancy engagement ring is a status symbol for certain circles too, or having an engagement ring that is fair trade, not diamond, self made, or some other set of adjectives. A lot of people are really preoccupied with signaling objects, what those things are changes but the drive doesn't really.

pastor_elm 7y ago

>A few months after the engagement no one will ever care for the rest of your life, A big fat white stone on a finger will draw eyes for so long as a woman wears it. Every woman your wife meets will make a judgement call based on that ring for the next 20 years.

9nGQluzmnq3M 7y ago
Buy a big fat moissanite or cubic zirconia, and no woman will ever be able to tell the difference.
- anon1m0us 7y ago
  A man who does that signals that he buys into all the social hype, but is too cheap to really buy in ... and he'll be forcing his wife to either reveal that or perpetuate a lie. Why not just be a real man, speak and live the truth. Eschew the lies. Why can't we all just do that as a society? It doesn't matter how much you love each other or your mutual respect? Why do rings even matter? It's the kind of irrational behavior that has destroyed an entire planet!
  - scarejunba 7y ago
    This comment sounds so much like a spambot I decided to see what GPT-2 would generate for "Real men don't buy fake diamonds": > Real men don't buy fake diamonds. They buy real diamond rings. Fake diamonds just aren't worth anything, let alone being used for a marriage contract. So I'll be keeping the diamond wedding. It also produced this beauty: Real men don't buy fake diamonds. Fake men don't pay fake taxes. Fake men don't lie about their motives. Fake men can't read. Fake men can't keep their promises. Fake men know how to hide from the truth. Fake men can't make promises they can't keep. Fake men can't even tell the truth when they think nobody cares, if everybody's watching. Fake men lie just because they can. Fake men are the same as us. They just don't know we're watching.
    - reificator 7y ago

brexiteer 7y ago

A Ruby is far more scarce and much more beautiful than a diamond.

nine_k 7y ago

Diamond earrings can be worn daily, and keep looking good. I know because my wife has a few. As for an engagement ring... don't get me started about the whole ritualistic marriage thing. The diamond ring may be not the biggest waste. I'd rather buy my spouse jewellery that can be worn and enjoyed at any time instead :)

vel0city 7y ago

My wife and I decided on getting a Moissanite stone for our engagement ring. We highly recommend it. Due to the lower price, the stone is much larger than what we would have bought at diamond prices. Due to its refractive index it catches the eye a lot more (far more vibrant than a diamond) and it gets a good bit of notice. People often comment how impressive the stone is, without knowing its not really a diamond! I highly recommend this stone to others, its really a good deal especially since the patents on making gem quality/sized stones has run out.