7 ms·

They don't even have to be cut off or estranged. I've known people who had rich 300k+ parents that were the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of peopl

They don't even have to be cut off or estranged. I've known people who had rich 300k+ parents that were the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of people who were able to pay for private college with a high school job back in the day. They feel that they were teaching their kid a valuable lesson. They didn't get any help for college and were disqualified from all financial aid.

loganfrederick 7y ago
I was in this situation. This post plus the grandparent post above it really strike a chord. On one hand, creating a sink or swim environment means I am probably a more resilient person having gone through college with limited family support compared to my peers. On the flip side, I am sure I'd be even more "successful" had I been able to focus more on improving my own skills or grades or academic research than working multiple jobs just to raise cash to pay bills. The above may sound a little like venting, but it's more to stress the point that financially stringent or irresponsible parents, or parents who just don't believe in investing in kids, is a negative drag on the economy and we are under-utilizing young people's intellectual potential by stressing them out over money. Related to the top-level post, I'd be angrier at rich families gaming the system except this is absolutely a whole system that needs re-worked from near-scratch.
- TimTheTinker 7y ago
  I grew up in a lower-middle-class family, and my parents were only able to support me during college with a monthly $100 check. Not wanting to go into debt, I went to a Cal State school, lived and commuted with roommates, and worked 2 days/week to pay for rent. I paid tuition bills by working full-time during quarter breaks. I also volunteered significantly at church. All to say, my grades and ability to engage fully at school were strongly impacted by my financial situation. I wouldn’t wish my college situation on others. But I have no regrets. For me, it was character-shaping. That’s more important than economic opportunity and success.
  - chelmzy 7y ago
    Similar story here. I received no financial aid. Worked full 40 hours including weekends and it really impacted my ability to learn and explore new ideas with peers. Still graduated with about 15K student loans too. The people really getting the short stick are middle class kids who don't qualify for aid and cannot afford it out of pocket.
ar_lan 7y ago
My parents essentially did this to me, but I don't really blame them and will probably do the same for my kids. Not everyone should go to college, and if you do go it really better be worth the investment. I chose to go to community college and transfer, and I ended up finishing college with no student loan at all because I worked through my two years in community college. This was largely because they taught me to value the ROI on any investment. I not only don't think they did anything wrong, but I think those lessons are much more valuable, because the stress of college payments was on my shoulders, and thus I had more personal investment in succeeding.
- CodeCube 7y ago
  What year did you graduate college, if you don't mind sharing?
  - ar_lan 7y ago
    2015
- ap3 7y ago
  Wait, I just read in this thread that not having financial aid when going to college was financial suicide
  - ar_lan 7y ago
    If you go the conventional route and only take loans. Community college + working through that means you can get potentially better college options when you transfer AND you can save significantly for those first years of your undergrad. By the time I transferred I had saved enough to cover the full tuition + living costs for my last two years of college, coming out debt-free. The big acknowledgment I'll make is that rent where I'm from was really cheap and I'm generally on the frugal side, so I was able to save up most of my income those first few years of college. I recognize not everyone is in that kind of position, but if people are they really should take advantage of this system if they really want to go to college.
weberc2 7y ago
> disqualified from all financial aid. What does this mean? The government wouldn't issue them a loan at all? Or that they wouldn't subsidize the interest?
- moate 7y ago
  Loans =/= financial aid, at least in the US. IDK the specifics that OP was talking about, but my assumption is that instead of being able to get need based assistance (due to being unable to demonstrate "need" since their parents were so wealthy) these people would have been forced to take out loans. Depending on specific circumstances, this can mean anything from having to go to a different school, to being strapped with tens of thousands of dollars of additional debt, to being entirely unable to pay for school at all.
  - weberc2 7y ago
    I guess I didn't qualify for financial aid then. I had a small scholarship, but I otherwise worked hard and lived frugally and earned my first degree with only $7K in debt. My peers came out with $40-90K in debt, but they often didn't work or only worked 8 hours/week (compared with my 20 hours/week) and they would spend money lavishly (partying, luxury clothes, daily starbucks lattes, 2-4 years in dorms, etc). I'm not sure if my experience was typical, but making one's children pay for their own education is hardly a cruelty (mind you, education in the US is still far too expensive).
    - moate 7y ago
      >>but making one's children pay for their own education is hardly a cruelty (mind you, education in the US is still far too expensive) Just to unpack a few things here (baring in mind I'm a true "eat the rich, tear them from their ivory towers" type socialist). 1- College is WAY too damn expensive, and that's the majority of the conversation. We do a terrible job teaching finance to children and then we expect them to graduate high school and understand what they're undertaking when they sign on for student loans. 2- "Cruelty" is about intent. Rich people can be cruel to other rich people by inflicting financial difficulties on them. They can also be entirely reasonable and attempting to teach them a lesson about hard work and "earning your keep" and what not. It's entirely situational and too difficult to throw a broad statement that covers every situation. This is more about philosophy than anything objective.
southphillyman 7y ago
This was my situation. Not only did I have to work during school, but I couldn't attend any of the Ivy League or private schools that accepted me due to not being able to get enough loans on my own (blessing in disguise in retrospect). For people with that experience it makes sense to just separate the student from the parents but I'm not sure how to fairly account for people with rich parents who contribute. Just make college affordable for everyone!

loganfrederick 7y ago

I was in this situation. This post plus the grandparent post above it really strike a chord. On one hand, creating a sink or swim environment means I am probably a more resilient person having gone through college with limited family support compared to my peers. On the flip side, I am sure I'd be even more "successful" had I been able to focus more on improving my own skills or grades or academic research than working multiple jobs just to raise cash to pay bills. The above may sound a little like venting, but it's more to stress the point that financially stringent or irresponsible parents, or parents who just don't believe in investing in kids, is a negative drag on the economy and we are under-utilizing young people's intellectual potential by stressing them out over money. Related to the top-level post, I'd be angrier at rich families gaming the system except this is absolutely a whole system that needs re-worked from near-scratch.

TimTheTinker 7y ago
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family, and my parents were only able to support me during college with a monthly $100 check. Not wanting to go into debt, I went to a Cal State school, lived and commuted with roommates, and worked 2 days/week to pay for rent. I paid tuition bills by working full-time during quarter breaks. I also volunteered significantly at church. All to say, my grades and ability to engage fully at school were strongly impacted by my financial situation. I wouldn’t wish my college situation on others. But I have no regrets. For me, it was character-shaping. That’s more important than economic opportunity and success.
- chelmzy 7y ago
  Similar story here. I received no financial aid. Worked full 40 hours including weekends and it really impacted my ability to learn and explore new ideas with peers. Still graduated with about 15K student loans too. The people really getting the short stick are middle class kids who don't qualify for aid and cannot afford it out of pocket.

ar_lan 7y ago

My parents essentially did this to me, but I don't really blame them and will probably do the same for my kids. Not everyone should go to college, and if you do go it really better be worth the investment. I chose to go to community college and transfer, and I ended up finishing college with no student loan at all because I worked through my two years in community college. This was largely because they taught me to value the ROI on any investment. I not only don't think they did anything wrong, but I think those lessons are much more valuable, because the stress of college payments was on my shoulders, and thus I had more personal investment in succeeding.

CodeCube 7y ago
What year did you graduate college, if you don't mind sharing?
- ar_lan 7y ago
  2015
ap3 7y ago
Wait, I just read in this thread that not having financial aid when going to college was financial suicide
- ar_lan 7y ago
  If you go the conventional route and only take loans. Community college + working through that means you can get potentially better college options when you transfer AND you can save significantly for those first years of your undergrad. By the time I transferred I had saved enough to cover the full tuition + living costs for my last two years of college, coming out debt-free. The big acknowledgment I'll make is that rent where I'm from was really cheap and I'm generally on the frugal side, so I was able to save up most of my income those first few years of college. I recognize not everyone is in that kind of position, but if people are they really should take advantage of this system if they really want to go to college.

weberc2 7y ago

> disqualified from all financial aid. What does this mean? The government wouldn't issue them a loan at all? Or that they wouldn't subsidize the interest?

moate 7y ago
Loans =/= financial aid, at least in the US. IDK the specifics that OP was talking about, but my assumption is that instead of being able to get need based assistance (due to being unable to demonstrate "need" since their parents were so wealthy) these people would have been forced to take out loans. Depending on specific circumstances, this can mean anything from having to go to a different school, to being strapped with tens of thousands of dollars of additional debt, to being entirely unable to pay for school at all.
- weberc2 7y ago
  I guess I didn't qualify for financial aid then. I had a small scholarship, but I otherwise worked hard and lived frugally and earned my first degree with only $7K in debt. My peers came out with $40-90K in debt, but they often didn't work or only worked 8 hours/week (compared with my 20 hours/week) and they would spend money lavishly (partying, luxury clothes, daily starbucks lattes, 2-4 years in dorms, etc). I'm not sure if my experience was typical, but making one's children pay for their own education is hardly a cruelty (mind you, education in the US is still far too expensive).
  - moate 7y ago
    >>but making one's children pay for their own education is hardly a cruelty (mind you, education in the US is still far too expensive) Just to unpack a few things here (baring in mind I'm a true "eat the rich, tear them from their ivory towers" type socialist). 1- College is WAY too damn expensive, and that's the majority of the conversation. We do a terrible job teaching finance to children and then we expect them to graduate high school and understand what they're undertaking when they sign on for student loans. 2- "Cruelty" is about intent. Rich people can be cruel to other rich people by inflicting financial difficulties on them. They can also be entirely reasonable and attempting to teach them a lesson about hard work and "earning your keep" and what not. It's entirely situational and too difficult to throw a broad statement that covers every situation. This is more about philosophy than anything objective.

southphillyman 7y ago

This was my situation. Not only did I have to work during school, but I couldn't attend any of the Ivy League or private schools that accepted me due to not being able to get enough loans on my own (blessing in disguise in retrospect). For people with that experience it makes sense to just separate the student from the parents but I'm not sure how to fairly account for people with rich parents who contribute. Just make college affordable for everyone!