4 ms·

I'm not in my early thirties and time anxiety is actually growing stronger. I worry about the big three: children, career, and personal health. My idea is that

by x2f10 7y ago

I'm not in my early thirties and time anxiety is actually growing stronger. I worry about the big three: children, career, and personal health. My idea is that with kids... my finace and I are aging. Are we going to do this or not? We have to know within the next 2ish years. With career... what career path do I want to take? I need to focus on schooling or professional certificates ASAP so I can utilize those as I age. With health... how many years of testosterone do I have left? I'm very skinny and would like to build a basic muscle structure, not for vanity but for general health.

yters 7y ago
Don't put those things off. Focus and go for it.
l_t 7y ago
This is a personal comment, but if you're like me, I bet that anxiety is not just related to time. I would be telling myself: How can I commit to a lifelong project like children? How can I decide what career path to choose, when there are so many options and I can only pick one? How can I work out, when its basically signing up to humiliate yourself? How can I take these _risks_? In my experience, anxiety pretends that it's useful. It feels motivational -- like you are motivated to work out, because of your anxiety about being frail. But contrary to how it feels, anxiety can have the opposite effect. You want it too much, that becomes dangerous, because you're afraid of trying and failing. If that sounds familiar at all, my advice (since all HN comments have to have advice, right?) is to distance yourself from those goals and aspirations. Perform the Stoic exercise of meditating on the worst-case scenario. Let yourself make mistakes and look stupid. Just do it because you should, and damn the outcome.
- x2f10 7y ago
  >You want it too much, that becomes dangerous, because you're afraid of trying and failing. Interesting perspective. I hadn't thought about this, but it rings true at first glance. Thank you for sharing.
- abvdasker 7y ago
  I am pretty cynical when it comes to the attitudes people seem to have about children (I don't have kids so it's possible I don't know what I'm talking about). You and many others use the same language to talk about attempting to publish a book or starting a company that you use for having children: words like "project". In general I don't agree with this conception of children since failure in that endeavor often has disastrous consequence for a person that wouldn't otherwise exist. It's not merely a personal risk in the sense that somebody else will bear the costs of failure. I tend to think people should generally feel more anxious about the incomprehensibly huge responsibility of making a person, not less.
  - l_t 7y ago
    Thanks for calling that out, I'm not trying to imply that these are only personal risks. In fact, it's often the risk to others that causes anxiety. So I wouldn't read too much into my use of the word "project" there. It's just meant to imply something that's a daunting, long-term commitment. (I don't have kids either, for what that's worth.)
nothrabannosir 7y ago
At least for the last one: I can’t recommend enough just going for it, not being afraid of getting it wrong. The health benefits of weight training are very well documented, it leads to a longer life and slower aging, which will give you more time for the other topics! And you’ll feel better to boot. Give it a go, treat it like a puzzle, you can do it. It’s a skill you continuously hone. After you’ve learned the basics it can be done under 1h per session, and 3 times per week is already huge. Even 1/week is good! :) Good luck!

by x2f10 7y ago

yters 7y ago

Don't put those things off. Focus and go for it.

l_t 7y ago

This is a personal comment, but if you're like me, I bet that anxiety is not just related to time. I would be telling myself: How can I commit to a lifelong project like children? How can I decide what career path to choose, when there are so many options and I can only pick one? How can I work out, when its basically signing up to humiliate yourself? How can I take these _risks_? In my experience, anxiety pretends that it's useful. It feels motivational -- like you are motivated to work out, because of your anxiety about being frail. But contrary to how it feels, anxiety can have the opposite effect. You want it too much, that becomes dangerous, because you're afraid of trying and failing. If that sounds familiar at all, my advice (since all HN comments have to have advice, right?) is to distance yourself from those goals and aspirations. Perform the Stoic exercise of meditating on the worst-case scenario. Let yourself make mistakes and look stupid. Just do it because you should, and damn the outcome.

x2f10 7y ago
>You want it too much, that becomes dangerous, because you're afraid of trying and failing. Interesting perspective. I hadn't thought about this, but it rings true at first glance. Thank you for sharing.
abvdasker 7y ago
I am pretty cynical when it comes to the attitudes people seem to have about children (I don't have kids so it's possible I don't know what I'm talking about). You and many others use the same language to talk about attempting to publish a book or starting a company that you use for having children: words like "project". In general I don't agree with this conception of children since failure in that endeavor often has disastrous consequence for a person that wouldn't otherwise exist. It's not merely a personal risk in the sense that somebody else will bear the costs of failure. I tend to think people should generally feel more anxious about the incomprehensibly huge responsibility of making a person, not less.
- l_t 7y ago
  Thanks for calling that out, I'm not trying to imply that these are only personal risks. In fact, it's often the risk to others that causes anxiety. So I wouldn't read too much into my use of the word "project" there. It's just meant to imply something that's a daunting, long-term commitment. (I don't have kids either, for what that's worth.)

nothrabannosir 7y ago

At least for the last one: I can’t recommend enough just going for it, not being afraid of getting it wrong. The health benefits of weight training are very well documented, it leads to a longer life and slower aging, which will give you more time for the other topics! And you’ll feel better to boot. Give it a go, treat it like a puzzle, you can do it. It’s a skill you continuously hone. After you’ve learned the basics it can be done under 1h per session, and 3 times per week is already huge. Even 1/week is good! :) Good luck!