I feel like I've been looking my entire life. Maybe I'm just not looking hard enough, or maybe it's a lost cause. It's true I haven't traveled to eastern asia

I feel like I've been looking my entire life. Maybe I'm just not looking hard enough, or maybe it's a lost cause. It's true I haven't traveled to eastern asia and studied under the tutelage of a monk, I haven't taken ayahuasca from a shaman in the Amazon, I haven't drank the cool-aid at a Mormon retreat, or attended a Joel Osteen mega church sermon. I just grew up in America, in a Catholic family. Went to church most Sundays until I was a teenager. There's a vide of me at a young age, asking (essentially) why we are here/alive. Seems that I'm still asking that. So maybe you could say I haven't really been looking. But honestly, I think you have to believe in something a priori. You don't go to a shaman in the amazon because you want to believe, you go because you already do and you want to validate that.