Maybe learn about stoicism. I have two children, and watching them experience life for the first time is the most fulfilling thing I've ever seen. I was 38 when

Maybe learn about stoicism. I have two children, and watching them experience life for the first time is the most fulfilling thing I've ever seen. I was 38 when my youngest was born, I'll be 40 in November. Stoicism teaches that we all will die, and true death is when we're forgotten, but more than that we need to only worry about the things we can change, or the things we have 'some' control over, but stop worrying about stuff we have zero control over. Another teaching is that if you focus on the fact that you're just worm food, for a few minutes every day you can learn to appreciate the small time you have hear. Given, when I was in the grips of depression I shared your nihilism about forming bonds, and I'm still an introvert, and I used to be religious (Mormon), now I'm agnostic, though I think there's a 5-10% chance of an afterlife (our mind is just energy right?), I do not think a supreme being exists --especially a narcissist who demands fealty and worship. Trust me if you ever do settle down and have children, it'll change you. Also -- you learn that even without an afterlife there is still so much beauty and inspiration in this world to appreciate. Think about it, you've been given a gift. As far as we know we're the only intelligence in the entire universe. If that is true then only you and those of us born human on this rock will ever know what intelligence is like. We're the only ones ever to understand science, and build technological achievements. Only we can appreciate the beauty of a space, or a sunset, or the love of family. Without those experiences then yeah there's nothing holding us here, and why wait till you die of natural causes? I thought about that a lot when I was depressed, and losing my religion, then I had my children and wanted to get better for them so I got help and learned to enjoy the beauty of life regardless of what happens after.