7 ms·
This is one of my favourite New Yorker articles. I wish they published more articles like this. Suicidal thoughts are a really tough thing to deal with. I've
by b5 7y ago
This is one of my favourite New Yorker articles. I wish they published more articles like this.
Suicidal thoughts are a really tough thing to deal with. I've struggled with them for my entire adult life -- more than 20 years now, and counting. They're also deeply personal, and it's hard to find a one-size-fits-all method of helping people through them.
In my case, I find them perversely soothing. Planning it out, and planning out the accompanying clean-up, is strangely calming for me; I suspect at least part of it is because it's applying a feeling of control and structure to otherwise chaotic, painful, or confusing situations. As I run through details in my head, the feelings that incited the thoughts begin to dimish.
I know, rationally, that it would be devastating for those left behind. I know, rationally, that no amount of preparation or planning will make it easier or less painful for them. I know, rationally, that suicide is not a solution for anything.
But it feels like all of the above. It feels like a release, like a perfect, lasting solution to pain and confusion and distress I've carried with me for so long.
I'm lucky that I've found some kind of equilibrium that's allowed me to work through them when they occur, relatively harmlessly. I know others who aren't so lucky, and who haven't found something that works for them. Some of thoem have died; others have survived, but aren't whole since.
It's something that's hard for us to talk about, and current society doesn't seem predisposed to talk about. Many of those suffering the most are faced by a media climate that's not helpful or supportive, and makes it hard for some of the most emotionally and psychologically vulnerable to seek help because of who they were born.
If you've ever had thoughts, please don't suffer in silence: try to find someone, anyone, to talk to. In the UK, we have the Samaritans[1] on 116123 (free to call). There's also Breathing Space Scotland[2] on 0800 83 85 87 (also free).
[1]: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/ https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan...
[2]: https://breathingspace.scot/ https://breathingspace.scot/
- l8mr4 7y agoBuddhism has an explanation for why these thoughts are soothing. It comes down to thinking provides a level of control and an appearance of a illusion you feel in control of. But alas this is illusion. The mind simply likes thinking. In fact Buddhists off camera will say your addicted to thinking. I believe this will be shown to be true. The default mode network may be the “addiction to thinking.”
- gerbilly 7y agoI haven't ever heard of the explanation you offer for why thoughts are helpful (having the appearance of control over an apparent illusion?). Thinking is required in buddhist practise, it's just not thinking about anything you please. Also, one usually deals with the coarser forms of suffering first, and no special esoteric philosophies and techniques are needed to address them, usually just clear thinking and problem solving is required.
- Annatar 7y ago"having the appearance of control over an apparent illusion?" Just before Ninakawa passed away the Zen master Ikkyu visited him. “Shall I lead you on?” Ikkyu asked. Ninakawa replied: “I came here alone and I go alone. What help could you be to me?” Ikkyu answered: “If you think you really come and go, that is your delusion. Let me show you the path on which there is no coming and going.”
- gerbilly 7y agoI get what is being referred to, but if you are implying that buddhism teaches everything is an illusion, the Buddha himself specifically warned his followers away from nihilism and solipsism. Your everyday conventional wisdom is not negated by buddhism. For example, buddhist people use the word 'I' all the time ("Let me show you the path on which there is no coming and going."), despite trying to realise the doctrine of 'no self" in their practise. The doctrines attempt to eliminate suffering, proceeding from the coarsest levels down to more and more subtle forms of suffering. The delusion the monk is suffering from here, can only become uncovered after much work has been done clearing the way first.
- emptysongglass 7y agoThis Zen parable is faulty wisdom (like so much of Mahayana and Vajrayana fanfiction). The title the Buddha used to refer to himself, Tathagata, can simultaneously be translated as, "Thus Comes One" and "Thus Goes One". It's not about a path where there is no coming and going, it's about both simultaneously.
- dfxm12 7y agoI wish they published more articles like this. Like how, exactly? About suicide? About foreign culture? From a monk?
- b5 7y agoYou're taking that a little too literally. I wish they published more human-focussed, long-form writing on a range of topics that is readable and relevant even years after it's first published. It seems to have veered quite heavily into fast-cycle political stuff in the last couple of years.
- techrich 7y agoLike all media outlets, they are too busy bashing trump to publish something decent.