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Like you I enjoy learning through argument. It rarely works though. This is my conclusion: Most people only pretend to be having a discussion. Actually they ar
by air7 7y ago
Like you I enjoy learning through argument. It rarely works though. This is my conclusion: Most people only pretend to be having a discussion.
Actually they are engaged in an emotional battle. Usually the subject matter is part of their self-definition, part of "who they are" so they can't really budge on their opinion because it would shake their foundation. Instead they will fight back with everything they have. Illogical arguments, anger etc. Another scenario I see is when "winning" is the important factor, i.e the ego is central. Then also budging is not really an option.
I'm getting better at realizing when the person I'm talking to is having a battle instead of a discussion and disengage.
- smitty1e 7y agoThe key punctuation seems to be '?'. Phrase the criticism as a sincere question, and let the other person elaborate on what was really meant.
- sopooneo 7y agoI’ve been working to realize when I am doing that.
- muzani 7y agoMy rule of thumb is that if someone is trying to fight, I disengage. Basically, if it's painful for them to agree with you, or painful for you to agree with them, leave the conversation. If they go around starting these fights all the time, then I block them.
- dwaltrip 7y agoThe ego can really be a sneaky, nasty son of a bitch. Very often lurking just out of sight, ready to pounce. However, it is a nice feeling when I am fortunate enough to catch it in the act and can tell it to chill out :)
- aeternus 7y agoConsider genuinely strengthening the argument of the person you are talking with before providing an alternate viewpoint.