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>There don’t seem to be many appropriate dating spaces for the LGBTQ+ community in the physical world... >I wish there were spaces that didn’t necessitate drin

>There don’t seem to be many appropriate dating spaces for the LGBTQ+ community in the physical world... >I wish there were spaces that didn’t necessitate drinking, where you could meet people in this arena. Not sure to understand clearly. Honestly you can go a to a bar and order a Dr.Pepper there is nothing that's going to stop you from doing that... I'm not sure to understand entirely there are many gay bars / nightclubs everywhere I'm sure most of them are appropriate spaces to flirt or engage with other people...

matthewheath 7y ago
Ah, my apologies. I should’ve spent a bit more time composing my original comment before posting. This comment is solely about my experiences: I’m not speaking on behalf of anyone. In my experience, I go to a gay bar or a nightclub and, well, it feels like they don’t want to flirt or get to know me, they just want sex. That’s what I meant about “appropriate” spaces —- somewhere that isn’t going to be overly sexualised to my detriment. I look around and I don’t see anywhere I can start a conversation without someone who’s behaviour (eg entitlement to have sex, or drunkenness, or harassing me, or potential violence, etc.) would negatively impact on me being in that space. That includes being harassed by straight people in these spaces. Hen parties who want a “gay BFF”, homophobes (because a small minority are increasingly vocal about their opposition and will act on it), etc. which make me reluctant to go to these spaces right now. Are there solutions to these problems? Of course, but it feels a lot harder to implement them than it would if I weren’t gay. From my point of view, the social structures we’ve established as a civilisation aren’t quite equal (e.g. I can’t just go up to someone at the supermarket and flirt with them without potentially risking violence) and that’s what saddens me the most. I don’t know if you’re LGBTQ+, but if you’re not, the pressures and challenges the LGBTQ+ community face in this area are distinct from the heterosexual dating community. So, yes, online dating—-for me—-is the safest way to meet other men, even though I would prefer that the real life spaces were safer and more accommodating.

matthewheath 7y ago

Ah, my apologies. I should’ve spent a bit more time composing my original comment before posting. This comment is solely about my experiences: I’m not speaking on behalf of anyone. In my experience, I go to a gay bar or a nightclub and, well, it feels like they don’t want to flirt or get to know me, they just want sex. That’s what I meant about “appropriate” spaces —- somewhere that isn’t going to be overly sexualised to my detriment. I look around and I don’t see anywhere I can start a conversation without someone who’s behaviour (eg entitlement to have sex, or drunkenness, or harassing me, or potential violence, etc.) would negatively impact on me being in that space. That includes being harassed by straight people in these spaces. Hen parties who want a “gay BFF”, homophobes (because a small minority are increasingly vocal about their opposition and will act on it), etc. which make me reluctant to go to these spaces right now. Are there solutions to these problems? Of course, but it feels a lot harder to implement them than it would if I weren’t gay. From my point of view, the social structures we’ve established as a civilisation aren’t quite equal (e.g. I can’t just go up to someone at the supermarket and flirt with them without potentially risking violence) and that’s what saddens me the most. I don’t know if you’re LGBTQ+, but if you’re not, the pressures and challenges the LGBTQ+ community face in this area are distinct from the heterosexual dating community. So, yes, online dating—-for me—-is the safest way to meet other men, even though I would prefer that the real life spaces were safer and more accommodating.