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I've met my last two girlfriends online. Both were ok, but ultimately didn't last (the relationships lasted 3 & 6 months respectively). And the dates that didn'

I've met my last two girlfriends online. Both were ok, but ultimately didn't last (the relationships lasted 3 & 6 months respectively). And the dates that didn't turn into anything (of which I went on ~10 or so) were really average. On reflection, the social aspect of meeting people through friends really helps solve a lot of future relationship problems (you have things in common, some level of shared values etc). In my view online dating is brutal for all. As a guy you are constantly swiping and sending out a lot of messages with a very low conversion rate (I'd be surprised if 1% of all swipes turn into a date). If you go on things like /r/tinder there are lots of guys who complain about being on the platform for months or years and not having a single match. As a woman you're often dealing with hundreds and hundreds of matches. Everyone has to run a massive pipeline which means things end up being very transactional if you aren't careful. Because there's so much competition things that wouldn't necessarily matter all that much end up being huge deal breakers (say for example height, or niche preferences). I'm off the apps, at least for the moment, and am focusing on meeting people in the real world.

stormbrew 7y ago
I mean, meeting people online isn't really an alternative to meeting people through friends. If that avenue is open to you already, it's probably one you're already gonna be exploring. It's an alternative to meeting people through bars and clubs. That's what it's got to be better than (and almost certainly is on a bunch of different metrics).
- 52358 7y ago
  it will be interesting to see what happens once facebook dating goes live, since that's sort of meeting people online through friends
ChuckNorris89 7y ago
My success on Tinder was fairly low despite investing a lot of time and money and was causing endless frustration so I stopped using it after realizing it's stupid to put the chances of passing on my genes in the hands on an algorithm that's incentivized to make money off my struggle by intentionally withholding matches until I pay them money(Tinder Gold) or not showing my profile to any women at all until...I pay them more money(Boosts). So I started learning Game to meet women IRL instead and despite being a short, average looking introvert, got better results with little effort other than being confident, going out and saying Hi and now I'm in a happy relationship with a very attractive woman. Made me think that probably due to evolutionary reasons there's still a large number of females who value an average looking confident male who can flirt IRL over online profiles of potentially more attractive males.
ryandrake 7y ago
Reading about these apps, I am so glad I’m a married man, having found a great partner over a decade ago IRL. I’d stand zero chance today, where I’m in competition with thousands of men, over a handful of understandably choosy women. If I were suddenly to become single today I would not have the slightest clue what to do. My hat is off to you young men who have to deal with dating today.
- rayiner 7y ago
  Me too. These dating apps sound terrifying. (I met my wife the old fashioned way—on a message board.)
  - mirceal 7y ago
    online does not necessarily mean “those apps”. it can mean a message board, a game, etc
- opportune 7y ago
  It is not that bad, if you do not want to feel pathetic spending tons of time and money taking great pictures/swiping/having many fruitless conversation/paying for boosts or swipes, the path of lowest resistance is to just get fit, which also has a lot of other benefits. I had only limited success with online dating, even though I had hundreds of matches and used it somewhat regularly for probably 2-3 years I only went on one pretty bad date + one actual success which was just someone I knew pretty well IRL who used tinder to express that she was interested in me. I didn't have great pictures or pay for special features or anything because out of principle I felt that was participating in a complete bastardization of a pretty fundamental part of human life, finding a partner. Rather than continue wasting time or do something I loathed, I just deactivated and deleted all the dating crap and started lifting weights. It has without a doubt been a better use of my time
- Tade0 7y ago
  Same here. Sometimes I think what I would do if my SO died. A terrifying thought on many levels.
CinchWrench 7y ago
In the future, you will search for your mate the same way you order pizza. Oh wait, I mean present. Not future, present.
- coldtea 7y ago
  In the future people will also be more than ever mate-less and alone. Oh wait, I mean present. Not future, present. https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2018-12-18/3-in-4-americans-struggle-with-loneliness https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2018-12-18/... https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/envy/201902/loneliness-new-epidemic-in-the-usa https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/envy/201902/loneli... https://www.citylab.com/equity/2014/09/singles-now-make-up-more-than-half-the-us-adult-population-heres-where-they-all-live/380137/ https://www.citylab.com/equity/2014/09/singles-now-make-up-m... https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/09/24/record-share-of-americans-have-never-married/ https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/09/24/record-share-of-a...
  - CinchWrench 7y ago
    Too real.
jvagner 7y ago
I’ve had three good LTRs off Tinder. Didn’t use it for hook ups. Not sure my experience of offline versus online was that radically different, TBH. After relationships would end, I tended to take time off. Then I would get to thinking it’d be nice to start dating again. A mix of online and offline, but online always let me meet people I never would’ve encountered organically. Current partner of 4 years lived an hour away. We never would’ve met. We had a “love at first sight” connection right off the bat. Dating is hard if you take it seriously. Dating is also hard if you can only succeed online or offline but try both. I think the sweet spot is an attitude and approach that works across both modalities. Everything else is just weighing too heavily in one direction or the other.

stormbrew 7y ago

I mean, meeting people online isn't really an alternative to meeting people through friends. If that avenue is open to you already, it's probably one you're already gonna be exploring. It's an alternative to meeting people through bars and clubs. That's what it's got to be better than (and almost certainly is on a bunch of different metrics).

52358 7y ago
it will be interesting to see what happens once facebook dating goes live, since that's sort of meeting people online through friends

ChuckNorris89 7y ago

My success on Tinder was fairly low despite investing a lot of time and money and was causing endless frustration so I stopped using it after realizing it's stupid to put the chances of passing on my genes in the hands on an algorithm that's incentivized to make money off my struggle by intentionally withholding matches until I pay them money(Tinder Gold) or not showing my profile to any women at all until...I pay them more money(Boosts). So I started learning Game to meet women IRL instead and despite being a short, average looking introvert, got better results with little effort other than being confident, going out and saying Hi and now I'm in a happy relationship with a very attractive woman. Made me think that probably due to evolutionary reasons there's still a large number of females who value an average looking confident male who can flirt IRL over online profiles of potentially more attractive males.

ryandrake 7y ago

Reading about these apps, I am so glad I’m a married man, having found a great partner over a decade ago IRL. I’d stand zero chance today, where I’m in competition with thousands of men, over a handful of understandably choosy women. If I were suddenly to become single today I would not have the slightest clue what to do. My hat is off to you young men who have to deal with dating today.

rayiner 7y ago
Me too. These dating apps sound terrifying. (I met my wife the old fashioned way—on a message board.)
- mirceal 7y ago
  online does not necessarily mean “those apps”. it can mean a message board, a game, etc
opportune 7y ago
It is not that bad, if you do not want to feel pathetic spending tons of time and money taking great pictures/swiping/having many fruitless conversation/paying for boosts or swipes, the path of lowest resistance is to just get fit, which also has a lot of other benefits. I had only limited success with online dating, even though I had hundreds of matches and used it somewhat regularly for probably 2-3 years I only went on one pretty bad date + one actual success which was just someone I knew pretty well IRL who used tinder to express that she was interested in me. I didn't have great pictures or pay for special features or anything because out of principle I felt that was participating in a complete bastardization of a pretty fundamental part of human life, finding a partner. Rather than continue wasting time or do something I loathed, I just deactivated and deleted all the dating crap and started lifting weights. It has without a doubt been a better use of my time
Tade0 7y ago
Same here. Sometimes I think what I would do if my SO died. A terrifying thought on many levels.

CinchWrench 7y ago

In the future, you will search for your mate the same way you order pizza. Oh wait, I mean present. Not future, present.

coldtea 7y ago
In the future people will also be more than ever mate-less and alone. Oh wait, I mean present. Not future, present. https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2018-12-18/3-in-4-americans-struggle-with-loneliness https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2018-12-18/... https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/envy/201902/loneliness-new-epidemic-in-the-usa https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/envy/201902/loneli... https://www.citylab.com/equity/2014/09/singles-now-make-up-more-than-half-the-us-adult-population-heres-where-they-all-live/380137/ https://www.citylab.com/equity/2014/09/singles-now-make-up-m... https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/09/24/record-share-of-americans-have-never-married/ https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/09/24/record-share-of-a...
- CinchWrench 7y ago
  Too real.

jvagner 7y ago

I’ve had three good LTRs off Tinder. Didn’t use it for hook ups. Not sure my experience of offline versus online was that radically different, TBH. After relationships would end, I tended to take time off. Then I would get to thinking it’d be nice to start dating again. A mix of online and offline, but online always let me meet people I never would’ve encountered organically. Current partner of 4 years lived an hour away. We never would’ve met. We had a “love at first sight” connection right off the bat. Dating is hard if you take it seriously. Dating is also hard if you can only succeed online or offline but try both. I think the sweet spot is an attitude and approach that works across both modalities. Everything else is just weighing too heavily in one direction or the other.