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Many thoughts that flashed through my mind as I read the suicide note, but I decided to file them all away and share only this old story: The old town drunk di

by edw519 16y ago

Many thoughts that flashed through my mind as I read the suicide note, but I decided to file them all away and share only this old story: The old town drunk died. His two sons, the bank president and the new town drunk were at his funeral. An onlooker, surprised at how different the two sons were, asked each one how he turned out the way he did. The bank president responded, "With a father like that, how else could I turn out?" The new town drunk responded, "With a father like that, how else could I turn out?" FWIW, I am like the bank president. I have no idea why. All I know is that no matter whatever anyone ever did to me, it didn't matter. I have no idea if someone who turned out like the new town drunk can change (although I imagine it happens all the time). All I do know is that it is possible for a victim to succeed and overcome all of his "darkness". If anyone has any history remotely close to OP's and is entertaining similar thoughts, feel free to contact me off-line. I will tell you right now what I'll respond with: absolutely nothing. Because I don't know what to tell you. I don't know how to become successful after being abused. But I do know that it's possible; I am living proof. Sometimes, just knowing that something is possible is enough to pursue it until you get it. I'm truly sorry that OP's story ended like it did. Especially sorry because I know it could have been different. I just don't know how. Now no one will.

buro9 16y ago
Thank you. Just thank you. Also carrying a shadow, and I tried to say what you've managed to say so well. Also available for out-of-the-blue emails should anyone want to chat.
TheSOB88 16y ago
An interesting note: filing your feelings away is what caused this whole thing. Of course, the ones you're filing away may not be as painful for you, but still.
- Retric 16y ago
  I think repression is an area where people use the same words to talk about different things. Which is why I try and separating things as Successful repression which is used by most people on a regular basis and can be extremely helpful. However, "Whenever I think about what happened I feel manic and itchy and can't concentrate on anything else." suggests that the pain was not repressed just ignored which does not really deal with the problem. Don't get me wrong ignoring things is also a useful technique for short term pain. However, it's best used for things like planing the funeral etc and if you are still using it after a few years it's really time to try something else / seek help.
madaxe 16y ago
We're all both the town drunk and the bank president - it just depends on who's in charge. I run a successful web firm, and am outwardly a happy-go-lucky manic-type person - out of public view, I drink and brood. Conversely, my younger brother, who lives with me, is a melodramatic, miserable guy outwardly, but has this inner happiness and contentedness that I've never understood, and have always both envied and feared. We balance. We both had equally fucked up childhoods in different ways - I had a father who would beat me and lock me outside in the snow, naked, on Christmas - he had no father of which to speak. I had a cowed, frightened animal of a mother, who'd claw and shriek, he had a mother so fucked up on christ knows what that she just didn't care. Anyway - went on more of a tangent there than I intended - my point is that more people than you can ever possibly know are "damaged" in one way or another, but their incompleteness can be at least balanced by other people - what seems like meagre support can change someone's life.
tzm 16y ago
Tal Ben-Shahar mentions this story in his lecture at Harvard, entitled "Positive Psychology. You can view this lecture series online here: http://www.soku.com/search_video/q_tal%20ben%20shahar http://www.soku.com/search_video/q_tal%20ben%20shahar I highly recommend learning more about positive psychology and reading Dr. Ben-Shahar's book, "Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment" (2007)

by edw519 16y ago

buro9 16y ago

Thank you. Just thank you. Also carrying a shadow, and I tried to say what you've managed to say so well. Also available for out-of-the-blue emails should anyone want to chat.

TheSOB88 16y ago

An interesting note: filing your feelings away is what caused this whole thing. Of course, the ones you're filing away may not be as painful for you, but still.

Retric 16y ago
I think repression is an area where people use the same words to talk about different things. Which is why I try and separating things as Successful repression which is used by most people on a regular basis and can be extremely helpful. However, "Whenever I think about what happened I feel manic and itchy and can't concentrate on anything else." suggests that the pain was not repressed just ignored which does not really deal with the problem. Don't get me wrong ignoring things is also a useful technique for short term pain. However, it's best used for things like planing the funeral etc and if you are still using it after a few years it's really time to try something else / seek help.

madaxe 16y ago

We're all both the town drunk and the bank president - it just depends on who's in charge. I run a successful web firm, and am outwardly a happy-go-lucky manic-type person - out of public view, I drink and brood. Conversely, my younger brother, who lives with me, is a melodramatic, miserable guy outwardly, but has this inner happiness and contentedness that I've never understood, and have always both envied and feared. We balance. We both had equally fucked up childhoods in different ways - I had a father who would beat me and lock me outside in the snow, naked, on Christmas - he had no father of which to speak. I had a cowed, frightened animal of a mother, who'd claw and shriek, he had a mother so fucked up on christ knows what that she just didn't care. Anyway - went on more of a tangent there than I intended - my point is that more people than you can ever possibly know are "damaged" in one way or another, but their incompleteness can be at least balanced by other people - what seems like meagre support can change someone's life.

tzm 16y ago

Tal Ben-Shahar mentions this story in his lecture at Harvard, entitled "Positive Psychology. You can view this lecture series online here: http://www.soku.com/search_video/q_tal%20ben%20shahar http://www.soku.com/search_video/q_tal%20ben%20shahar I highly recommend learning more about positive psychology and reading Dr. Ben-Shahar's book, "Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment" (2007)