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> It's not "gentler". It's only perceived as such. An iron fist covered in velvet. Exactly so, and exactly why this isn't "wasting time dancing around our feel
by rleigh 7y ago
> It's not "gentler". It's only perceived as such. An iron fist covered in velvet.
Exactly so, and exactly why this isn't "wasting time dancing around our feelings".
We might think it's illogical and pointless. But humans aren't Vulkans, and these social interactions have evolved this way in our cultures because of that need for mutual consideration and respect.
People do have feelings. People don't like being bossed around like slaves; they resent it. Social niceties like these smooth over the power imbalance between those giving and taking orders. By phrasing orders as a request, rather than as a demand, it shows some consideration and respect for the person receiving them. Now, you are correct that these are still orders to be followed, but the perception of them being orders is reduced. The people on both sides can be entirely aware that they are orders, but even then it makes it easier for both.
- bena 7y agoNo one is talking about "being bossed around like slaves". Don't descend into hyperbole just to score points. Saying something simply and directly is not "boss[ing someone] around like [a] slave". And if your only problem with being told what to do is the manner in which you're told, your priorities are kind of out of whack. My employer pays me to do what I do and to not do anything else. If at any point I felt like they were taking advantage of me or not respecting me enough, I'd go somewhere else. Yes, people have feelings. And I feel patronized when someone couches their demands in the language of an optional request. I feel as if it insults my intelligence. I'm an adult, I can perfectly handle the situation that in some circumstances I will be the subordinate. My ego isn't so fragile that I need to pretend that every situation there's equal power.